Snowflakes (Undergoing editing)
by Marvellover16
Summary: Based after Captain America: Civil War. Snowflakes. They can be beautiful, but dangerous. When Sharon's friend Zoe arrives on her crutches, her leg injury is not the only thing that she's hiding. Unwilling to let anyone in, will Bucky cause an avalanche or make something beautiful when he meets Zoe? Does contain some strong language and some smut.
1. Chapter 1 - Wrecked

**Okay, so after watching Captain America: Civil War it has spurred me to re-write this story after so long. I originally intended to revise the story and make adjustments but now I feel like I have the mojo to rewrite this and make some even better than before :) **

**DISCLAIMER:**

**I do not own any of Marvel's characters or buildings I simply own my OCs and my plot line.**

**SPOILERS WILL BE IN THIS NOVEL FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR! Don't say I didn't warn you :p**

Four years after the events of Captain America: Civil War

Zoe's P.O.V

I leant forward on my crutches as the lift in Avenger tower pulled me upwards. This was probably the closest I'd ever be to Heaven after all I'd done. I was definitely a long way away from home, home being England - not Hell, surprisingly.

The lift itself was panelled with gold and elegant designs swirled on the ceiling. I couldn't have expected anything less from Tony Stark if I'm honest.

I leant back on the wall - my right leg, well my hip as that was all that was left of my right leg that was me - was aching. I guess getting blown up had a few disadvantages, temporary blindness etc... But I think it was the being blown off the edge of the cliff which did it for me. Of course, I'm not complaining, I mean look at the bright side, I flew for at least a whole minute before hitting the ground, well... Fell with style. Now after six months I was stuck on crutches, who knows maybe for the rest of my life. But I know others have it far worse than I do, then again they have it better they don't have to live one massive lie.

I flexed my right ankle - it moved just like any other limb but it felt different to me, foreign. No, it felt cold it was the limb of a mindless killer. I moved my jeans to hide the now glinting metal, no one could see what I was, what I had become. My leg which was no longer me. My blood wasn't either but- The lift pinged open as I shrugged the thoughts away. That was the past and this was the present, and who knows what the future would hold. I swung forward on my crutches into the empty living room. Well I could definitely say I was in the right place, there was no other Avenger tower in Manhattan.

"Surprise!" Sharon jumped out from behind a sofa. Great. Her blond hair perfectly tousled and a large smile on her face.

"I don't like surprises," I mumbled, pushing my hair out of my face. I needed a hair cut, my hair was nearly to my waist.

"Well tough, it's your birthday!" She embraced me in a light hug, her arms gentle and her body an inch from mine. She was being careful not to knock me over. What was I now, fine china?

"I won't break Sharon," I laughed, letting my crutches drop to the floor, pulling her closer. "See, it takes a lot more to break me - not bombs, not shrapnel, not war. I'm tough as nails."

"How are you going to stand now?" Sharon stepped back from me, holding my arms as if I'd fall over if she let go. If only she knew...

"I don't know." I winced as I straightened my right leg, putting weight on it. The pain actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, there was no physical pain at all, it was all in my head. I grinned. "Like this."

Sharon quickly picked up my crutches, sighing. "Has there been any progress with your leg?" She handed the crutches to me.

"It hasn't fallen off." I shrugged, taking the crutches off of her. "I can't ask for anymore or less."

"What have the doctors said?" Sharon brushed a golden strand behind her ear. More people were now emerging from their hiding places. Each pair of eyes watched me, it was a little unnerving. What happens if they saw through my lies? Saw me for who I really was? What happened if they figured out my secret?

"I don't go to the doctors anymore." I swung on my crutches, taking in the new faces, looking anywhere but at Sharon.

"Why?" Sharon's eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hair line.

"One, I don't like doctors. Two, I don't like needles. And three, it was a waste of time." I leant on my left crutch, clearing my throat. "Besides as the doctor said -" I coughed putting on a posh voice "- _there is nothing more we can do for you, I'm terribly sorry Miss Frost."_

"Oh..." Sharon's face fell, her brown gaze falling to the floor.

"Oh yes." I twisted my right crutch on the floor. "I now live my life on crutches. There are bonuses though, I get lots of sympathy which means lots of free food."

"I'm sorry, Zoe." Sharon couldn't look at me, her blonde hair falling across her face.

"What are you sorry about?" I smiled. "You weren't the bastard that bombed me." I swung again. "Everything happens for a reason Sharon, whether that reason be clear or not, who knows..." I glanced around. "Not going to introduce me to your new friends?" She was uncomfortable with the subject, I couldn't blame her. Then again if she knew the truth I wouldn't be speaking her right now at all. She would have wanted nothing to do with me at all.

"Oh, right." Sharon looked to a tall blond man. "This is Steve."

"Hi Cap." I saluted him, wobbling. Strong hands were under my arms steadying me. I quickly grabbed my crutch, pulling away from them. Hopefully my cheeks weren't red. "Thanks," I muttered.

A tall, brunette walked past me his eyes glued to the ground. Hands thrust into his pockets, his lips a straight line. Wasn't that the winter soldier... I swear I heard someone mention he lived here now because everything had died down, what ever that 'everything' was. He'd come back from Wakanda, him and the king there were good friends...

"That's Bucky." Steve smiled at the man as he walked past.

The man smiled back at him, lightly hitting Steve on the shoulder. "Hello."

"Right, okay Steve and Bucky and..." I looked around the room.

"I'm Tony Stark and this is Pepper, my wife." A short man with a dodgy beard answered standing next to a beautiful ginger. He was Iron Man, definitely, you could hear his ego in his voice.

The man called Bucky now sat on the sofa, his eyes watching me. What if he saw through me? He was the Winter Soldier after all.

"Bruce." I snapped my gaze away from Bucky to a brown eyed guy. Hulk.

"I am Thor Odinson of Asgard and this is Jane." A very tall, buff blonde smiled at me with a brunette under his arm.

A red headed woman and a tall muscled man nodded their heads at me.

"Natasha."

"Clint."

Black Widow and Hawkeye.

A purple man, yes purple like a really nice purple, and a woman dressed in a red leather jacket looked at me next. "I am Vision and this is Wanda." Aka Scarlett Witch. It is wrong that I shipped them? No, they're real human beings why was I shipping them?

A black man smiled weakly at me, sunglasses perched on his nose. "Fury." The ex-director of S.H.I.E.L.D who didn't look too pleased to see me. He'd obviously done a background check on me and spent a good few hours reading about my criminal past.

"Okay, I think I've got all your names, if not I'll just say your superhero name." I nodded my head. "Any chance of a seat?" My leg was seriously aching now, I knew why: because I wasn't using it. I didn't know what hurt more right then the feeling of my leg or the sinking guilt of knowing I was just one big walking lie.

"Sure." Sharon motioned for me to sit down on a sofa across from Bucky.

I settled into the seat, keeping my eyes to the floor and letting my crutches fall to the floor beside the chair. Bucky was still watching me and so were all of the others.

Sharon walked over to the bar, coming back with a cardboard box. "Happy birthday!" She grinned handing it to me.

"I didn't want-" I started to protest, putting my hands up and refusing to take the box.

"That's why it's not wrapped, it's not a present then." Sharon grinned, sitting next to me. "Open it, grumpy!"

"Okay, okay." I opened the lid of the box to find a lush, black dress. "What's this for?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

"Party!" Sharon shouted and then contained herself, glancing around before looking at me. Party... Oh no.

I shook my head - parties meant people and I didn't do people at the best of times. "I don't do parties now, I-"

"You have to," Sharon smirked. "I haven't seen you since you shipped off to war and since then my best friend has become the most boring person I know - you make Vision look fun. I just got you back, at least come to the party for me if not for your birthday. Besides, if you try to leave I have the Avengers to get you back."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes. "Are you aware that this is blackmail?"

"Come on, Zo, please. Please don't tell me you've changed so much that you can't even remember how to have fun."

Fun... It seemed like something in the distance that I couldn't quite grasp. I opened my eyes to see Sharon staring at me, stood up with her hand outstretched.

"Are you crazy or something?" I asked, putting the box to the side.

"Or something," Sharon laughed. "Please, Zoe, don't make me ask again."

"Fine, just for you..." I mumbled, pushing myself up with my crutches. Everyone averted their eyes, why do people always do that? Look away when someone crippled tries to get up.

"Make over time." Sharon's smile was scarily like the joker's now as she headed off towards a corridor, my present in her hand. It was a present as she'd given it to me without letting me pay for it.

"The joys," I muttered, swinging after her. "God help me."

"Do you not like parties, maiden Zoe?" Thor asked, raising an eyebrow as Jane followed Sharon. Well, he was a God but I don't think he'd help me.

I swung backwards on my crutches, laughing. "I just don't like the whole attention on me thing, Thor."

Thor nodded. "I understand, maiden Zoe."

I swung after Sharon, gripping my crutches more tightly than normal. All eyes watched me as I left.

"There's something about her that doesn't seem right..." Vision mumbled as I left. Why did I have to have such good hearing?

A very long time later - honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it was an eternity - I stood staring at the reflection of a tall brunette girl, her green eyes highlighted by a smokey purple eyeshadow. Her lips defined by a pale nude lipgloss, the apple of her cheeks highlighted by a light pink blush. The dark circles which had once clung under her eyes were gone. I didn't recognise myself at all. A thick black pair of tights concealing what had become of my leg. It was too easy to hide who you truly were underneath everything else. No wonder there were so many bad guys in the world...

"Let's get this party started." Wanda laughed, wandering out of the door.

I swung after everyone, Natasha by my side in a tight, navy dress.

"What do you do now?" She asked, holding the door open for me.

"Stuff," I shrugged, lifting my crutch to motion for her go first. I mostly stayed inside and worked out - there was nothing else I could do that wouldn't hurt anyone or let them find me.

"Thanks." Natasha slipped through.

I followed her. "S'alright."

Lights flashed and music was blaring, it was definitely a party. Now all I had to do was find the booze.

"Zoe!" Sharon was beckoning me to go over to her, Steve, Tony, Pepper and Bucky. The men wore suits whilst the ladies wore dresses - how stereotypical. Sharon as usual looked amazing in a deep purple strapless number.

I glanced over at the bar before going over to them. "Hey."

"Looking good." Pepper nodded at me.

"Thank you, you look amazing too." I leant on my crutch, glancing out of the window at the city below. The glint of the sunlight on the glass slowly faded away to night.

"How long you staying over here?" Tony asked, staring at the contents of his drink.

Sharon shot him a glare.

"Trying to get rid of me already?" I laughed.

"No, just asking." He shrugged, laughing a little.

"I don't know, as long as you'll allow me to stay I suppose." I slid my crutch down to my elbow as I reached up to scratch the hollow of my throat.

"You still have your tags on?" Steve cast his eyes to my neck. I'd forgotten to take them off...

"Yes." I shrugged, leaning on my crutch again. "I kind of like them, gives me the whole don't mess with me look."

"You're just a bad man aren't you?" Sharon laughed.

"Totally." I rolled my eyes. "Well used to be."

"What?" Steve asked, his eyes narrowing.

"In the presence of a ex-street racer, assassin and thief." I motioned to myself. Silence. I looked at their gazes none of them too impressed, until I accidentally caught the gaze of Bucky.

He smirked.

I quickly looked away. Well done Zoe, way to make things awkward already with Bucky Blue eyes.

"She was until I arrested her and showed her the light." Sharon laughed, a half empty glass of wine in her hand. Light weight.

"Don't forget the car chase, the pepper spray at the traffic lights, the whole breaking of my baby," I sighed. "Oh, and the part where you tasered me."

Everyone laughed.

"I don't and didn't find it funny," I muttered, swinging on my crutches. "I've still got friggin marks!"

"Oops," Sharon said. "At least you'll be good now."

I leant on my right leg, circling a halo above my head. "An angel."

"My baby?" Bucky asked, frowning.

"My Aston Martin DB9," I shrugged. "I love my cars and weapons."

"Nice," Tony chipped in.

"Mmmm..." I sighed. "Can't drive her now though, and that's not because she's wrecked."

"You are," Sharon giggled, an empty wine glass in her hand. I know they shouldn't have but the words resonated in me - I was wrecked, if only she knew the truth.

"Okay, it has been far too long since I have gotten tipsy," I laughed. "I need some Guinness."

"Guinness?" Everyone echoed.

"What? Gonna arrest me for being drunk and disorderly on crutches?" I laughed, swinging over to the bar and pouring myself a drink. I set my right leg down and started hobbling back over to them, crutches trailing the floor.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Bucky asked, raising a brunette eyebrow.

"No, all my nerves don't work so I can't feel a thing. Besides, I've had far worse." I took a swig of the beer, a fiery sensation down my throat. "And I definitely won't feel a thing after this," I laughed. "Cheers and thanks for the party, Sharon."

Everyone clinked glasses. Hopefully I could get drunk, if my metabolism let me.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Past

I laughed along to the conversation, having lost track of it a long time ago. I'm pretty sure my cheeks were red from the heat in the room. "Excuse me." I set my third empty glass down on the table and began to swing along to the door which led to the balcony. The alcohol had done nothing to my senses, to me. At least I tried. The only thing the alcohol had done was make me realise that I really wasn't the old me anymore.

"Where are you going?" I think it was Fury that asked.

"Outside, it's a little warm." I opened the door, sighing as the cool air caressed my cheeks. I swung to the railing before letting my crutches drop to the floor as I leant on it. I really didn't treat my crutches with care...

"I can see why you left, the conversation doesn't even make sense anymore and most of them are too drunk to notice." I looked to see Bucky walking towards me. A smart navy blue suit clung to his figure, his first two shirt buttons open and his tie undone. It was a slightly rugged look but he looked amazing. Whoa, what was I thinking?!

"That's partly why I left," I laughed, looking over the edge at the moving traffic below. It whizzed by below, so many people were out so late at night. Manhattan seemed to be alive at all hours.

"What was the other reason?" Bucky asked, leaning on the balcony as well.

"I just don't do laughter and celebrating anymore." I shrugged, leaning further over the edge. "I guess that's what war does to you - it changes your perspective."

"I still can't believe they let dolls like you fight..." Bucky pushed his hair out of his face. It was still a little long, but it was no longer the grunge look he'd been sporting in the news when the UN bomb had gone off.

"Wow, are you being sexist now?" I stood hands on my hips, still leaning on the railing.

"No, jeez, no." Bucky raised his hands in surrender. "I just think guys are supposed to protect the gals you know, not the other way around. You gotta remember I'm over a hundred years old now I'm a little old fashioned in my ways."

"I forgot you were from a long time ago, an old man essentially," I mumbled.

"Are you calling me old?" He laughed, cocking his head to the side.

I leant with my back to the railing now. "Well in all technicalities you are. But if it's any consolation you look pretty good for an old guy."

"Thanks," Bucky sighed. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"Thanks." I leant forward, my arms behind me gripping the railing. "I miss the noise, you know, the bombs, the gun fire... It's just so silent now. I don't miss the killing, just the..."

"The noise of everyone around you, the cheers, the laughter..." Bucky was now copying me in my strange leaning motion.

"I don't even know why I went to war in the first place," I sighed, leaning back and casting my gaze across the city. Lights reflected off of the glass and everything was humming with activity. The city was alive with its own energy.

"I guess I wanted to make a difference, to stop the bullies." I looked over at Bucky, his strong jaw line shadowed by the lights of Manhattan. His eyes were deadly serious as they glanced in front of him. "Look at the good that did, I became the worst bully. Sometimes I wonder whether anything I've done has been good."

"No, you became the victim," I sighed. "Because unfortunately the bullies have bombs and tanks too and they don't play nice. And you have done good things, you've fought with Black Panther protecting Wakanda and you've been there for Steve. You're a good man Bucky, don't let anyone tell you any different."

"Thanks, that means a lot." Bucky motioned to the city. "But after all I went through it was worth it, even if I don't remember most of my life in the army before HYDRA. I fought to protect a world from bullies like HYDRA and eventually, well now, I do."

"Bullies..." I put my back to the rail. "I've had far too much experience with them."

"No guy to protect you from them?" Bucky raised his eyebrow at me.

"I don't bother with men," I laughed. "I can't lose anyone then, and I can't have my heart broken."

"You have a heart?" I heard him whisper, chuckling.

I reached to lightly hit him in the arm, that was until my left leg gave way. "Shit," I muttered, bracing my hands for the harsh impact of the floor.

"Careful," was being whispered in my ear as hands were once again catching me. Goosebumps rose on my skin where he held my arms.

I pushed away from him, grabbing onto the railing which I idiotically hadn't grabbed before hand. No. I could not get close to him. To anyone. I had to keep them at a distance. I had to keep them safe.

"I don't have any diseases, that I know of," Bucky laughed, putting his hands up in defeat. His blue eyes watched me closely, searching my face.

"Sorry, just..." Yeah, well done Zoe you can't actually answer that one.

"I don't blame you, the standard of men today is appalling." Bucky shrugged. "I mean I thought I was bad back then."

"Ohhhh," I mocked him, glad for the change in conversation. "Bit of a ladies man were we?"

"Mmmmm..." His eyes were distant.

"The past, it's painful, no doubt about that." I rubbed his shoulder. "But it's over and we're currently in the present."

"Rightly said." Bucky held his arm out. "Best to get back inside I guess."

I glanced down at my crutches. "I...urrr.."

"Oh right." Bucky picked up my crutches, handing them to me.

"Thanks," I said, slipping them on and swinging forward. "Let's go."

"Ladies first." Bucky motioned to the door.

"Thanks." I swung inside, the atmosphere slightly calmer.

"Zoe!" Sharon was now wobbling over to me. Oh dear...

"Sharon," I smiled. How much had she had to drink since I had gone outside?

"This is Sam!" She giggled pointing to a dark skinned, muscly man sitting to next to Steve.

"Hi Sam." I nodded my head towards the Falcon.

"Hi Zoe, you're looking mighty fine." He was now walking towards me. Great.

"Thanks," I blushed.

Bucky took the Falcon's seat, whispering something to Steve.

"Don't thank me for telling the truth darlin." Oh god, he was flirting with me.

Sam winked at me, holding out his arm. "Gonna give me a dance?"

"I can't." I moved my crutches. "And I don't dance anymore."

Sharon was now filling another glass, her poor liver. "You used to be amazing."

"Precisely, used to be." I went and collapsed onto a chair, away from the Falcon.

"Cheer up, it's your birthday!" Sharon was now wobbling over to me, her eyes slightly glazed over. She was going to go out like a light in a minute.

I quickly, well quickly for me, stood up and took the glass off of her before catching as she fell.

"What have you been drinking?" I laughed, sniffing the contents of the glass. "No need to answer: you've been mixing."

Steve took Sharon from me as I sat down again. He carried her so carefully and looked at her with so much affection. A sharp pain spread in my chest. I would never know that feeling: love. I couldn't know that feeling otherwise the person who I fell for would get hurt.

"So where do you come from?" Sam asked, brown eyes staring at me. He was attractive but I just wasn't feeling it. At least he had snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Earth." I pushed my hair out of my face. I tried to stop a yawn by biting my lip. Great, it probably looked like I was flirting now.

"Yeah, but where abouts on Earth?" God was he persistent.

"A place where history is bountiful and the time has begun to lean to the side." Riddles, I had watched far too much of lord of the rings in the last few months.

"Riddles, seriously?" Sam slapped his knee, smirking.

"Just because you're not smart enough to solve them." What can I say? I was sarcastic bitch.

"London," Bucky spoke from his seat.

"Bang on the money over there," I laughed.

"Do you want some tea, m'lady?" Sam laughed.

"I doubt it, I don't like tea, dear sir." I played along.

"Fish and chips?"

"No." I crossed my left leg over my right. "What about a full English breakfast?"

"Haven't you got to be careful about what you eat?" Pepper asked. "I mean what with being on crutches and all."

"Nah, I've got a high metabolism." I smirked. "I can pig out and won't even gain a pound."

"Lucky," Jane sighed.

"Uh," I shrugged, glancing at Sam. He was frowning. "Don't strain too hard to figure out what metabolism is, Sam. You might hurt yourself."

"Bitch," he muttered.

"You're a stupid, selfish woman now? Wow and I just thought they were man boobs," I laughed.

"Do we need to settle this fist to fist?" Sam stood up, cracking his knuckles.

So did I. "Nah." I swung over to him. "I wouldn't want to whoop your arse in front of all these nice people, besides even if it is in the past I don't think you'll forget."

Everyone laughed apart from Sam who shook his head.

"You couldn't even get a finger to me darlin'." Sam laughed at me. "I'm way outta your league."

"I don't appreciate you laughing at me." I put one of my crutches on his toe, pressing down. "Who said anything about me touching you, I wouldn't want to. And besides I'm way out of your league." I laughed, leaning back off of his toe.

"Ow," Sam groaned, grimacing.

"Awwww diddums, did I hurt you?" I swung back on my crutches.

"No." He glared at me.

"Don't laugh at me again, dear." I leaned in close to him, but still spoke so that everyone could hear me. "Because I don't play nice when I think I'm being bullied. In fact, I don't play nice at all." Damn, earlier what I'd said to Bucky about the bad guys not playing nice... Please say I hadn't given myself away.

"Sorry," Sam mumbled.

"S'alright," I laughed. "The past is in the past, let's just get on with the present, birdy."

A deep laugh sounded from across the room, my insides immediately did a flip. Who was that?


	3. Chapter 3 - Nightmare

Bucky's eyes were crinkled at the sides as he laughed. Everyone else joined in. He was nothing like the man they had portrayed on the news - this man was happy if not slightly cautious.

I leant on my crutch, watching Sam walk back to his seat. "Victory," I laughed.

"Oh darlin, you've just started a war," Sam laughed.

"Oh but dear, a war would mean that you would actually stand some chance of winning." I smiled at him, before swinging back to my seat. "Besides haven't you had enough wars to fight?"

"Don't say anything else Sam, she's just gonna have a good comeback," Tony laughed. "Where do you get them from, a book?"

I shrugged. "I just come up with them."

"Unfortunately," Sam mumbled.

"You started it, I just finished it," I said innocently.

"It's not over," Sam mumbled walking over to the bar. "I need a drink."

"You have no idea what you have started," I laughed. "Or if intoxicated Sharon had been here she would have said you should have seen her when she came to the station, she was renowned as the troublemaker, you shouldn't mess with her."

"Seriously?" Sam laughed, stopping pouring himself some Bourbon. "You were a criminal?"

"Still am," I laughed, taking his wallet out of my pocket. "Anything of any use in this thing?"

"Hey, give it back!" Sam was standing in front of me, hands on his hips.

I looked up at him, puppy dog eyes, slowly handing him his wallet. "Sorry."

"Sorry? You did it on purpose!" He stamped his foot.

I leant back in my chair. "Going to call the police? Hi, it's the Falcon, I've been robbed by a woman on crutches, please help me, help me! I think I might cr-"

The Falcon's hand on my mouth silenced me.

I bit him.

"Damn it gal! What is your problem?" He was waving his hand around in the air now, jumping up and down.

"You, amongst many of my other 'problems' as you so affectionately called them." I smirked before laughing, unable to hold my laughter in any longer.

Bucky was now looking at me, a bright smile on his face. No, please say he wasn't getting attached... Please.

I smirked back at Sam, ripping my gaze away from Bucky. "Don't worry Sam, I don't have any diseases, that I know of."

"Are you sure you don't have rabies?" Sam backed away from me.

I bit my lip, thinking. "Yes? I mean I've never been tested but I probably don't..."

"You're crazy." Sam smirked, wandering off in the direction, I guessed, that his room was in.

"All the best people are," I called after him.

He spun round at the doorway. "You know what, I'll buy you a special kind of onesie." An evil smile was now on his face. "That way you won't be able to move in and it'll be white-"

"Is it going to be a straight jacket?" I hugged myself. "Because I already have one of them."

More laughs erupted as the Falcon left. I had just ruined his insult. Boom.

"How did you get a straight jacket?" Steve asked, he'd just come back from putting Sharon to bed. Something told me he didn't approve of me being at the tower, probably because of the whole criminal thing.

"eBay," I yawned, checking my watch: it was midnight "Wow, is it that late already?"

"I'll show you to your room." Pepper smiled, standing up.

"Thank you." I stood up swinging on my crutches. "Thank you for a good time guys."

"Zoe?" I looked to Natasha, who had raised an eyebrow. "How are you not tipsy?"

"What can I say, us Brits can hold our drink," I laughed, following Pepper out of the door rather quickly. High metabolism, that was my excuse. Not the truth of me being a super soldier.

I slipped into my room, past Pepper. "Thank you again for letting me stay here."

"The pleasure's all mine. If you need anything, just let me know, Zoe." Pepper watched me for a few seconds before leaving me in my room, alone.

I pulled my suitcase onto my bed, rummaging through to find some pyjamas. I probably wouldn't get any sleep anyway, but hey ho I could try.

I put my crutches on my bed and walked to the bathroom. I shivered as the coolness of the zip touched my skin, the dress falling to the floor in a black silk pile. I unclipped my bra and pulled on a plain black tank top. I peeled my tights off and slid some pyjama bottoms on, glancing in the mirror. My bionic right leg, a foreign object to the rest of my body which glinted in the harsh bathroom light. It was a thing of structural and intellectual beauty but that beauty was overshadowed by the cruelty it could cause and the even crueller intentions behind it.

I put my full weight on the leg, bending my leg and flexing the bionic muscles. I could walk. I could run. I could do anything. But I couldn't bear to use it. I couldn't bear the fact that HYDRA had permanently left their mark on me, and I couldn't get rid of it. I was wrecked like Sharon had said.

A short, sharp knock sounded on my door. I quickly scrambled out of the bathroom and slipped on some slippers, grabbing a crutch. I opened the door.

Intense blue eyes met mine. Bucky of all people stood at my door.

"Oh hey, is everything alright?" I asked, immediately relaxing, hiding my leg behind the door.

"Yeah, I was just checking you were alright after the whole Sam incident." Bucky shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. His jacket had been discarded and he only wore a white collared shirt which was tight in the all right places. Again?! No, Zoe this man was not a piece of meat to be objectified. He was not someone you could have feelings for either so nip it in the bud before it starts going somewhere.

"I'm good, besides I think you should be checking if Sam's alright," I laughed, leaning on the door. "I think I injured his pride."

"Nah, you just took him down a peg or two," Bucky smiled. "He's had worse from me."

My heart was racing for some reason now. "Do you not like him?" I asked.

"No, he's a great guy - a friend, he helped to protect me in the civil war, if you can call it that..." Bucky shrugged. "I just... A lot of people aren't friends with me after the whole winter soldier thing, especially Stark because of his parents."

"I'll be friends with you." Wow, what are you saying Zoe?

Bucky laughed, my left knee was going to give way like that of a lovesick, gushing teenager's knees would. No, please no. "Thanks Zoe, it means a lot."

"Glad I could help sergeant." I saluted him, being careful this time to not fall over.

"Well, goodnight Zoe. It was a pleasure meeting you today." Bucky saluted back.

"And you, goodnight Bucky," I sighed.

"Don't let the bed bugs bite," I whispered as he walked away.

"Are you sure it won't be you?" I swear I heard him whisper back. Super soldier hearing and all.

I shook my head, shutting the bedroom door. Nah, the beer had gone to my head, finally.

The bed was too soft, the house too quiet. I turned and tossed and groaned. Sleep. Why is it when you want it, it never happens?

I turned, looking to the alarm clock: 2AM. Ugh. I closed my eyes, trying to relax - to fall asleep...

... "We're surrounded," our leader said. "It's only a matter of time before they get to us. Frost and Smith, stay here, the rest of you, let's go fight for our country."

All of the men left the armoured vehicle, leaving me and my sister's husband alone.

"It's going to be okay," I whispered.

"Yeah right," he sighed. "I'm never going to see Becky again."

"You will," I tried to comfort him.

"No, I won't." He stood and opened the door. "I'm going to die with honour, not stay here like a coward. I wouldn't expect a criminal like you to understand."

I grabbed his arm, trying to pull him back. "I do understand, now get away-"

"Zoe, get off!" Aaron yelled before he looked back outside. His face fell.

Hundreds of clicks sounded outside - bullets clicking into place.

"No!" I screamed as Aaron's body shivered from the array of bullets which hit him. I reached forward and dragged his body to the side, pressing desperately on the wounds, trying to stop the bleeding. "Aaron?" I whispered.

"Tell Becky I love her," he croaked his eyes fluttering closed. I don't even know how he stayed alive long enough to speak.

"Come out with your hands up!" Someone shouted.

I stepped out of the vehicle, hands in the air. "I-I surrender." The only thing I could do. Aaron's blood fell from my hands down my wrists making me shiver.

The enemies weren't who I expected to be, they were Americans, well most of them.

"What do you want?" I asked, as I was kicked to my knees. I had no choice but to stare at the dirt, as voices spoke in a foreign language - Russian.

"You." A man with a long jagged scar approached me. I stared at his shoes, trying to ignore him. "You shall be our new soldier, girl."

"What?" I squeaked, trying to lean away from him."You shall be the new face of HY-" there was a flash, before a loud bang. I couldn't see, I couldn't move. I was floating? Air was whipping my face. I was falling. I tried to scream, but nothing came out of my mouth. I crashed into a jutting rock. A sharp pain sprung up my leg, yet I still couldn't cry out. Then it was gone. I couldn't feel my leg. Pain was everywhere. Pain. Pain. Blackness. Wake up. Danger. Pain. Wake up. I screamed...

I bolted upright in bed, covering my mouth. It was three in the morning. I tried to slow my breathing. "It's okay," I whispered to myself. "Safe. You're safe. You're not there anymore."

I sat, trying to regulate my breathing. My clothes and hair clung to my body drenched in sweat. Please say no one heard me. My mind wasn't stable right now, part of me still thought I was in danger.

Someone knocked on the door. No.

I said nothing. They couldn't see me like this, whoever they were.

There was a sharp flash of light from the door opening and closing. Someone was approaching me. No. They couldn't take me back, I wouldn't let them.

"No!" I lashed out connecting with a nose, bringing my wrist back for another punch.

"Ow crazy," was muttered in the dark before two hands encircled my wrists. "You're safe, I promise."

The one on my right wrist was cold, almost metallic to the touch. What? Who?


	4. Chapter 4 - Red

"Who are you?" I whispered into the darkness. I think I knew... Yet my heart still raced and my mind rushed to only one conclusion they'd found me again - they were going to kill me for escaping.

"It's Bucky, Zoe. You're safe." The hands disappeared. Of course... He was the one that had the bionic left arm, and hand.

I took a deep breath, shaking my head. Safe. I was safe. Oh my god! I'd punched Bucky in the face. "Shit, I'm so sorry." I pushed my hair out of my face, shuffling away from him.

"What for?" He asked, the bed sinking as he sat down, I think. I couldn't see, it was pitch black, it was better that way. If only I could live my life in pitch black, unable to see my sins, see the red. All I could see was the faint outline of his body.

"Waking you up." I yawned, covering my mouth. "Punching you. In the face."

"Don't worry." Was he laughing? "You've got a pretty good right hook. Besides I should know to give someone space after a nightmare, I've been through what you're going through."

"Thanks." I pushed my pillows back so I could lean on them, hugging my duvet covered knees.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. As my eyes adjusted to the light Bucky became clearer - he wore a plain red short sleeved shirt and a pair of pyjama trousers, his long hair hung in his eyes.

"Are you alright now?" Even in the darkness I knew Bucky was looking at me, I could feel his gaze on me. He was waiting for an answer. His body facing me in the darkness.

I froze, how could I answer that question? "Yes." A small lie.

"Nightmares..." There was a sigh. "If only they weren't real life huh?"

"You have no idea," I sighed too. My throat was tight now. I would not cry. I would not cry.

Bucky turned away from me, clenching his metal hand. "All the people I've killed, innocent people, all the things I've done. I remember doing them but..."

"You had no control over it, you had to," I finished for him. After all, I knew what he was talking about, I'd been through it too. I'd killed innocent chi-

Bucky looked back at me. "All the red on my hands, it just... Is there any part of me which isn't covered in red?"

I knew it was rhetorical, but I had to answer. "Out, damned spot, out I say," I whispered Lady Macbeth's quote.

"Shakespeare?"

"Yes." I shrugged even though he couldn't see me. "No matter how much good I do the red just can't be erased, it's there defining who I was, who I am, what I've done," my voice was now croaky. "No one else can see it but..."

"But you can and you will always know it's there." I felt a hand on my shoulder. "And no one ever seems to forget what you did, no matter how much good you do."

I reached up and gripped it. Even murderers needed comfort, not that he was a murderer, Bucky was a victim. And then there were monsters like me that didn't hide in the darkness and were in plain sight, who lied to their friends and everyone around them. I took a deep breath. "I'm alright now, you can go." I slipped my hand from his. I couldn't let him get close to me.

Bucky's hand left my shoulder and the bed sprang back up from where he had been sitting. "Thank you, Zoe."

"For what?" I asked into the darkness, standing up too. Who cares if he saw my metal foot?

Cool, minty breath blew on my face. "Helping me see past the red. Now I understand that there may be red on top, but underneath there's some pure white, deep down. Even if I can't see it, other people, you, can. I've worked this hard to be who I was, there's no point giving up now. They unconditioned me and took me out of cryogenic sleep even though I wanted to stay there for my sins, but the key words have no effect on me now - I'm finally me, even if I can still see the red." Bucky stepped back from me, his breath gone from my face.

The light of the hall shone for the briefest of moments before going out again. Bucky was gone.

I sighed, crawling back into bed. I felt as if a tiny, minuscule amount of guilt had been taken off of my shoulders as I drifted back to sleep. But it was only a minuscule amount from the heap that I had.

I groaned as I brushed my hair into a ponytail. Damn it, I'd forgotten to take my makeup off. Scrubbing rapidly I removed the panda eyes and makeup to reveal the not so dark eye circles and pale skin. To reveal me. Me in a black vest top with some black leggings and a denim jacket over the top.

I sighed, before wearing a smile as I swung into the living room.

"Hey Zoe." Sharon smiled at me before putting a tablet in her mouth. She was hungover.

"Hey Sharon." I laughed going up to her. An assortment of food lay on the table. Mmmm. I picked up a croissant, biting into it. Sweet jam and soft bread filled my mouth. Not bad. I took another bite.

"The bitch has arisen." Sam was walking towards us. Ouch, well then...

"You really shouldn't call yourself that," I laughed, finishing the croissant.

"Shut up," he mumbled, taking a croissant.

"Or what?" I asked, pouring myself a glass of orange juice.

The Falcon glared at me before going and sitting next to Steve.

I laughed downing the juice and putting the empty glass on the side, swinging over to an empty seat.

"Morning," was mumbled from the door way as Bucky wandered in, in a pair of jeans and a plain navy shirt, stretching his arms above his head. The metal one glinted in the morning light, it was actually quite beautiful.

"Hey Bucky." Steve looked to his best friend. "How you feelin?"

"Good." Bucky grinned at Steve. "I actually feel good."

"Hey Zoe?" I looked to see Sharon sitting on the arm of the chair I was in. "Do you want to go shopping today?"

"Sure," I shrugged. "As long as we go to Hot Topic."

"Emo," she mumbled.

"Elmo," I mumbled back, giving her a light shove.

Cool metal touched my wrists. "You're under arrest." Sharon stood up, waving the key in front of me.

"Oh dear." This was an old trick she used to do whenever I showed her up. I slipped the cuffs off, smirking at Sharon. "Nice try, agent."

"Whoa, how did you do that?" Sam asked.

"Slip the cuffs?" I swung them around on my finger. "Practice, plus I can dislocate my thumbs."

"Ewwww." Sam shuddered. "That's just nasty."

"Mmmm..." I shrugged. "But useful."

"If you get into trouble." Sam raised an eyebrow at me.

"Trouble, it's like a magnet to me." I stood up. "Well then, Sharon shall we go shopping?"

"Yes." Sharon stood getting her bag. "We shouldn't be gone too long."

"Unless something happens," I muttered, heading for the lift.

"Such as?" Steve asked, eyes on me again. If anyone was going to figure me out it would be him.

"I get hit by taxi?" I shrugged. "You never know."

Everyone rolled their eyes at me. Blue eyes that made my heart stop. Well, not literally otherwise I would die. I wouldn't be living on borrowed time any longer, which would be a good thing, but then I didn't want to die otherwise that person would have died for nothing. They couldn't have died for nothing.

Sharon walked down the street with me by her side. She held all of our bags as we headed to our last shop, a newsagents? The Avenger tower was at the end of the street. We'd already been to Victoria's Secret, Hot Topic, River Island and other clothes shops which I couldn't remember the name of. I guess I wasn't that interested anymore, not that I ever was.

Sharon picked up some Irn Bru for me and then some diet coke for her.

"You still remember my favourite drink?" I asked her as we came round to the till.

"Of course." Sharon smiled at me getting her purse.

"Give the money to me, now!" A scruffy, homeless (well he looked homeless anyway) guy stood in front of us. A gun in his hand. Shit. He was robbing the shop.

"Or what?" I asked, gripping my crutches tighter.

He pointed the gun at my head. "Boom."

"Wow." I shrugged, pushing my forehead to the gun. It was cold against my skin but I didn't shiver, I was used to the cold now. "I'm so scared."

"You s-should be," he stuttered. A bead of sweat slid down the man's temple, the gun shaking ever so slightly.

"You'd kill an innocence person?" I kept his nervous gaze. I could wear him down. "On crutches?"

"Y-yes." I just had to keep him talking.

"What's your name?" I let one of my crutches fall to the floor. My right hand still clutching one of them.

"What are you doing?" He asked. The gun was now shaking as he pressed it harder against my forehead.

"What are you doing?" I replied, not breaking eye contact. "Do you want to be a killer?" A killer like me...

"Shut up!" He yelled before the barrel of the gun hit my temple. I fell to the floor, swinging my crutch to hit him in the head. It shook in my hands as it snapped.

A loud thump sounded as he fell to the floor. But not before a bang sounded.

No pain. I was safe. I looked to Sharon. She was fine. The newsagent wasn't though. No.

I dragged myself over to him. Stomach wound. I ripped off my denim jacket, applying pressure to the wound. "Come on, stay with me," I begged. Red bled onto my fingers, through the fabric. "Stay with me, buddy. The hard part's over now."

"Police," the newsagent croaked before his eyes fluttered closed.

"Police!" Was echoed as the door of the shop slammed open, the bell ringing loudly.

"Alright, I know you're here," I shouted back, pressing harder on the newsagent's wound. I had to stop the bleeding.

"Sharon!" She was gone. The two bottles abandoned on the floor. Really? At least she'd taken the bags I suppose. But where had she gone?

"Hands up!" All guns pointed at me.

I looked to the police officers, shaking my head. "I need to-"

"Now!" Seriously? I lifted my bloody hands. This didn't look good. The blood dripped down my arms onto the floor.

"You're under arrest for murder!" A policeman put his gun away, producing some handcuffs.

"What is it with the shouting?" I asked as he slipped the cuffs on. "I'm not deaf. Keep pressure on the wound otherwise he'll die. He's not dead yet."

The police officer shook his head at me. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense."

"Is that just a polite way of telling me to shut up? Because if so, I'm innocent!" I shouted. I mean why not? Everyone else was.

The police officer gripped my arm a little too tightly. "Stand up!"

"I can't." I twisted my wrists in the handcuffs.

The police officer glared at me. "Stand up now, criminal!"

"For fuck sake, I can't! I cannot stand up! I can't feel my right fucking leg!" I screamed. "They're my crutches on the floor," I whispered, as my hair fell into my eyes. "I fought in the war, fought for peace and I got hurt - I can't feel my right leg."

"You can't arrest her," I looked up to see Sharon through my hair and a tall, brunette man. His lips on a thin line and his blue eyes glaring at the police officer. Hopefully they hadn't heard that...


	5. Chapter 5 - Blue

"Why not?" The police officer stepped in front of me, blocking my view of Sharon and Bucky.

I frowned. I mean I would have been fine with it, if he had a nice arse. But he was just some old man. I stared down at my hands instead. They stood out on the pale tiles of the floor, it was the blood. I swallowed a lump in my throat - this wouldn't be the first time my hands had been covered in blood that wasn't my own. I heard the word almost like a whisper in the back of my mind: murderer.

"She's with us - a associate of the Avengers." A deep, gravely voice. Bucky.

"And you are?" Another police officer stood by my side now, gun pointed at me.

I stared up into the barrel, unblinking. It took a lot more than that to scare me.

"We're with S.H.I.E.L.D and the UN." Sharon's voice spoke this time, her angry voice. It wouldn't be long before she was shouting. And punching, hopefully.

"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of Sheba." The police officer in front of me laughed. Bastard.

"I'm also a witness, I saw the whole thing happen," Sharon explained. "She is innocent, I swear."

"I don't believe you." The policeman's hand flew to his gun.

"Don't shoot them," I said, sitting up. "Or I'll kill you."

The police officer pressed his gun to my temple. "One more move and I shoot you."

"How exactly will you kill me if you can't even get up?" The policeman turned around, laughing at me.

Anger. It rushed through my like tidal wave. I shouldered the police officer beside me, knocking him over. I leapt forward biting the other police officer's hand, hard. A gun clicked. The other officer. I kicked back with my right leg, knocking the gun out of his hand again.

"Get this bitch off of me!" The police officer grabbed a fistful of my hair.

I let go of him. My right fist connected with his nose. "I can get up, you bastard." My left fist connected with his cheek.

"No!" I heard Bucky yell before volts of electricity were coursing through my body. My muscles involuntarily spasmed. I couldn't exactly put my hands out as I fell to the floor. The tiles were cold as my cheek slapped them. Pain. It hit me then as my adrenaline wore off.

Black trainers hurried towards me as the darkness consumed me... "Buck..."

Bright lights stung my eyes. My leg! I'd lost it and not in the careless way. I shot up. Metal. The leg was metal. Oh my god. I flexed the toes. A red star on the inside of the ankle. What? How? Who?

I tore my gaze from the leg. Plain white tiles and a pale blue curtain hiding what was to my left. The room was cold both in temperature and appearance.

"Hello Miss Frost." A wrinkled man stood in front of me, brown spectacles perched on his nose. "I am Alexander Pierce."

I said nothing, still looking at my wiggling metal toes, at the leg. My leg.

"I know this must be hard for you right now. But we're here to help you." He touched my hand, his grasp clammy. "But you need to forget your sins."

"What do you mean?" I asked, snatching my hand away from him.

He paced around the bed I was in, watching me, analysing me. "In order for you to make a difference in this world, you must first of all forget. Forget everything. To forget is to see again with a new image of the world, see it how it is and then changing it. But do you want to forget everything?"

Forget everything. Forget the image of Aaron dying. Forget the image of the people I'd killed at war and on the streets. Forget my paralysed sister in her wheel chair hearing that her husband was dead. Forget my sins. I didn't need to think over my answer, I knew it instantly. "Yes."

A man in a white coat handed me a gum shield. I took it placing it between my teeth.

"Lie back, my dear." I did as Pierce said, lying back on the metal bed. I felt a hand touch mine. It was Pierce again. "It is time to embrace the future."

Something cool touched my temple and then my shoulders and arms. What was happening? I couldn't move, I was being pinned down. No. I'd changed my mind. I had to comfort my sister. I had to see Sharon and tell her I was different. Why had I been so selfish?

I struggled against the restraints. "No, I've changed my mind, pleas-"

"Hail HYDRA," someone said before a massive electric shock shot through my head and needles pierced my skin. Cold fluid filled my bodies making my muscles burn.

I screamed into the gum shield. My heart was pounding. My heart hurt. My back hurt. My legs hurt. Everything bloody well hurt. I could taste blood. Pain. There was so much pain. I screamed again.

A faint beeping sound was in my ear. A consistent sound which seemed distant even though so close. My heart beat.

"Ow," I moaned. At least it was just a flashback. For now.

"A bit late for that." I heard a voice not that far away from me. Sam.

"Sorry," I muttered, not opening my eyes. The word popped out of my mouth naturally whilst a growl escaped from my stomach.

"Are you growling at me?" Sam asked, as something poked me in the side.

I swatted at whoever it was.

"Ow." Shit, I recognised that voice. It was Bruce.

I sat bolt upright. "Sorry! Please don't smash me."

Bruce laughed, looking over his glasses at me. "It's alright."

I bit my lip as pain gripped my back. "Bloody police officers," I muttered, lying back down.

"It was kind of your own fault, you know." Sharon appeared by my side.

"He was going to shoot you!" The beeping got faster.

"You bit him!" Sharon exclaimed.

"He could have had HIV! I saved you!" I stood up, looking down at Sharon. "I couldn't let him shoot you, Sharon." Standing up was the wrong thing to do. My head started to spin.

"Zoe, your heart rate is 200." All I could see were Bruce's brown eyes. He was now stood in front of me. "Calm down."

"How long have I been here?" I asked, only succeeding in the beeping going faster.

"An hour, calm down." Bruce touched my shoulders.

I sat down, taking deep breaths. "Calm." The beeping slowed down. I looked down at my leg. No metal was showing. No one knew. I was safe.

"Okay now that your heart rate's normal." Bruce motioned to Sharon, removing the monitors from me.

"You can explain." Sharon just looked at me. I knew the look too well. It was the same look she'd given me multiple times in the police station after arresting me - she was the only police officer who ever had.

"Explain what?" I asked. No, they couldn't have found my leg. No.

"A phone call from HYDRA." Okay this was definitely worse. Much worse. This meant HYDRA had finally found me. I wasn't safe anymore.

All eyes were on me, some glaring and some sad, a certain blue pair burning into me. Of course, he probably thought I was here to take him back. A covert mission to ruin his life again.

"It's a long story," I whispered.

"Long! They were asking whether you would join again. You were with them in the first place? What made you think of joining them?!" Sharon stood in front of me , yelling. Her cheeks were flushed red and her hands firmly on her hips.

I stared at the floor, afraid to speak. To move. To look at anyone. I'd lost everything to HYDRA but at the time I didn't know that so joining them seemed like the best way to go.

Sharon stepped closer to me. "Answer me, Zoe Frost."

"I can't," I whispered, eyes still glued to the floor.

"Why?"

"Because I don't know." I stood up too, a head taller than Sharon. "I don't talk to them anymore. I don't know how they found me."

"Anymore? You were part of them?" Sharon was backing away from me. "You were a monster!?" The anger was slipping from her voice, quickly being replaced with fear. The volume of her shouting fading into a whisper. "My best friend is a traitor."

"Ouch, that actually hurt but it's true, I was a traitor, a monster." I hobbled towards her. They couldn't find out about my leg. Not yet. Not until they'd accepted my past. If only I wasn't still a traitor, a monster."

The click of a bullet echoed in the room. "One more step and I'll shoot you." I looked to see Steve with a gun in his hand - the barrel aimed at me.

All of the Avengers hovered on the edge of their seats, eyes glued one me. Brilliant.

I put my hands up. "Friendly gesture there, Cap. I won't hurt her, she knows that - I know Sharon knows that."

"You didn't think to tell me?" Sharon's voice was full of disgust and hurt, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I'm your best friend, Zoe."

"What was I supposed to tell you?" I glared at Sharon. "Tell you that I was in the army which I had no idea were operating for HYDRA? That all of the people I killed at war were killed because of HYDRA, I had no clue they were giving the orders. I was just another person caught amongst the crossfire along with the innocents. When I finally escaped, how was I supposed to tell you that I worked for an organisation that ended millions of lives? How could I tell my best friend that I was part of something so evil?" The lies, they spilt so easily from my mouth. It was true at certain parts I suppose.

Sharon kept my angry gaze, her gaze softer. "You mean didn't-"

"No I didn't wilfully join them. What idiot do you think I am Sharon?" I sighed, arms crossing my chest. The truth was I was an idiot, I did wilfully join them. All of it was lies. Every single god damn word. I felt it in my chest then - hatred, hatred for HYDRA and what they did to me, but most of all hatred for myself - the lies, my leg, my past, my choices - how could I do this to Sharon? The answer was like a whisper which made goosebumps raise on my arms: because you're a monster.

"How do I know you're not working for HYDRA now?" Sharon whispered, never letting my gaze go.

Blue eyes analysed my every move. Bucky. How could I have been so stupid he probably thought I'd come for him, to take him back. My own selfish actions had caused a rippling effect for others. I was so stupid...

"You'll just have to trust me." I kept Shannon's gaze. "I didn't lose my leg to fight a war with HYDRA, I lost my leg fighting a war against HYDRA. I lost everything to escape HYDRA and I can assure you that wasn't for nothing. I promise you I didn't lose everything to serve under a dictatorship."

"I'm so sorry." Sharon shook her head, stepping towards me and pulling me into a hug.

"It's not your fault." I shrugged, hugging her back. "You can't trust anyone these days, even if they are your best friend. I'm sorry you had to find out this way I wish I could have told you, I really do."

"Do you trust me?" Sharon stepped back from me, a single tear trailing down her cheek.

"Do you trust me?" I asked her back, searching her brown eyes.

"Yes." She didn't even hesitate with her answer. Her eyes full of trust as she looked up at me. Why?

"Then I trust you. I've always trusted you Sharon, and that will never change." I sat back down, all eyes on me. Even if one day I'm the one you're shooting down. I so badly wanted to say it. So badly needed to tell someone about HYDRA and all they did to me. But I couldn't. I couldn't let anyone over the walls I'd built so high. Anyone. Someone could betray my trust again, torture me again, let me down again.

Silence swamped the room as Sharon sat down. Everyone looked away from me, staring at random objects around the room. It was an uncomfortable quiet to say the least.

Blue eyes no longer stared at me, they glared off into the corner of the room. Bucky's jaw clenched and his neck muscles leaped. He was tense and it was my fault.

"Shawarma anyone?" Tony broke the tension in the room, standing up. Thank god.

"Please." I nodded, grateful for the interruption.

"I'll come along too," Sharon mumbled. "I need some air."

After Tony, Clint, Thor, Pepper, Jane and Sharon left, I sat uncomfortably surrounded by Fury, Steve, Natasha, Sam, Wanda, Vision, Bruce and Bucky. There was no chance of an escape with the eight of them here.

"You should of told her sooner Zoe." Steve shook his head at me, blue eyes giving me a piercing glare. His muscles rippled under his shirt and his knuckles clicked.

"Oh yeah, when?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. "Just a quick phone call to say hey I was part of HYDRA, surprise. Certain things should not be told over the phone, Captain."

"Okay, okay." Steve put his hands up. "It's just you hurt her feelings."

"Right..." I rolled my eyes. "Besides it hurt me just as much as it hurt her, if not more. The one person who has stuck with me through thick and thin and I kept a massive secret like that from her. I'm questioning my ability as a friend right now, as Sharon's best friend. Believe me, I'm feeling the guilt right now." It's practically suffocating me.

"You sure you don't work for them?" Fury asked me, looking over his sunglasses. His eyes pierced through me. I couldn't flinch or hesitate otherwise he'd know I was weaving one massive lie.

"Positive." I kept his gaze long enough to prove innocence before I cast my gaze to out of the window. "Why would I work for the bastards which killed my brother-in-law and millions of innocent people? Besides there's only a few left in the woodwork now since S.H.I.E.L.D's cleansing. Why be part of an organisation on the top of the ash heap?"

"You've made your point." Fury nodded his head at me, tapping away on his tablet. He was obviously looking at my history, searching for any discriminating evidence.

"Unfortunately," I muttered as Bruce checked my heart rate once more with a stethoscope.

"All clear," Bruce smiled at me.

"Thanks, I'm sorry I hit you." I touched his arm.

"It's alright." He shrugged. "It's nice to see I have everything under control." I wish I did.

"Yeah, or I would be puny human right now," I laughed.

A heavy silence settled around us. Talk about awkward... So much silence.

"I'm bored," Sam announced, looking to me.

"Arm wrestle?" I leant forward. Anything to take my mind off of what had just happened.

"Seriously?" Sam sat up, leaning on his knees. "What are we? Kids?"

"Awwww... Are you afraid you might lose?" I stuck out my bottom lip.

"No. I just-"

"Chick-chick-chicken." I mimicked a chicken wings with my arms. "You're not the Falcon, you're the chicken."

"It's on." Sam was up and kneeling by the table. "You're so gonna lose, Brit."

I swung over to him. "Prepare to lose." I knelt down, forcing my right leg to bend.

"You okay?" Sam asked, watching me. It was odd, he genuinely seemed concerned.

"Fine," I smiled, kneeling across the table. "But I better win otherwise I'll have to get up." I flexed my fingers, clenching my bicep underneath my denim jacket.

"I've gotta touch you." Sam leaned back, snickering.

"Ewwww..." I leant forward and poked him in the chest. "Zoe germs, no returns."

"Idiot," he muttered, putting his elbow to the table.

"I'll referee." Natasha stood beside us.

I took the Falcon's hand. His grip was warm against my hand, his brown eyes staring into mine.

"Go!" Natasha laughed.

I started pushing his hand down.

"Damn it gal!" Sam started to frown. "You're stronger than I thought."

"You're weaker than I thought." I pushed my hand harder against his hand. I could easily have won by now - one bonus of what HYDRA did to me. One of the only bonuses.

His hand was so close to touching the table.

"Hey! Not so fast." The Falcon pushed back against my hand, his bicep tensing even more.

"No," I whispered as his hand hit the table. "I win, chicken." I let go of Sam's hand, smirking. "You could of at least tried, Sam."

"Yeah, yeah, I let you just let you win, gal." Sam stood up returning to his seat.

"My turn." Bucky wore a lop-sided grin. Oh hell no.

"Right hand," I quickly announced.

"What? I don't think so." Bucky laughed. "You just used your right, you need to give it a rest. I chose left hand." Damn it.

"Are you sure? I mean if I win it's going to be super embarrassing for you." I shrugged, watching Bucky as he casually strode across the room and kneeled across from me. In all honesty I was crapping myself.

Sam got up laughing hard. "Oh I'm refereeing this one, Tash."

"Well? What are you waiting for? An invitation?" Bucky grinned, a deep laugh escaping his lips. He placed his left elbow on the table, the lights glinting off of his arm. Bucky flexed his fingers.

Steve laughed. "I'd give up now, Zoe."

I rolled my eyes, taking Bucky's bionic hand. "I'll give as good as I get, Sarge."

Bucky laughed again, lightly squeezing my hand.

"Go!"

I knew it was no use but I pushed Bucky's hand.

Bucky just smirked at me, his grip light as my hand made it's way to the table. "Gonna give up?" He asked.

"No." I frowned, keeping his gaze. My hand was centimetres from the table. "Not yet."

"Sure?" His blue eyes were bright, as I looked up from our joint hands.

"Yes, I am." I kept his gaze, pushing on his hand harder.

"Okay." Bucky smirked before gently making my hand tap the table. "I win."

"Like I stood a chance," I muttered, pushing myself up.

Both men reached for me. "Here let me-"

"I can do it myself." I pushed the two men's hands away. I stood up. "See, perfectly capable thank you very much."

"Well I do have eyes so yes." Sam shrugged, walking off.

"You don't say Watson," I called after him.

He spun round. "And you are?"

"Sherlock obviously." I rolled my eyes as Sam literally collapsed on the sofa.

"Shawarma's here!" The lift opened revealing the others.

"Food," I sighed, hobbling over, everyone behind me.

"I'll be sitting next to you," someone whispered in my ear, their breath warm. Every single hair on the nape of my neck was now standing up. Danger.


	6. Chapter 6 - Push

"Okay." I nodded, hair falling into my eyes. I couldn't exactly say no. It was Fury standing behind me. He obviously wanted to talk to me about something. That something being HYDRA or maybe hair products...

It wasn't Bucky... I couldn't stop the sinking feeling in my stomach. Just because he was good fun, nothing else. Someone who understood. Nothing more, obviously. I wasn't getting close to anyone here, I would only get torn away from them. Get them hurt or worse killed.

Fury stayed silent through out half of the meal - everyone did. Eating their food in a steady silence. Sharon didn't look at me, her left hand under the table along with Steve's. They were holding each other's hands... They were definitely an item.

I sat, pushing my kebab around the plate, hair surrounding my face. "What do you want?" I caught Fury's gaze, staring him down. It was now or never. No one else payed attention to us, talking amongst themselves over their food as soon as I spoke.

Fury looked to me, setting his fork down. "What do you know about HYDRA?"

I chose that time to conveniently eat my food. I chewed slowly, the spicy taste of the kebab tingling in my mouth.

"Miss Frost, I asked you a civil question." Fury nodded his head.

"You know all I do about HYDRA, nothing more or nothing less." My voice didn't shake or change in pitch. Years of lying had seen to that, training to be an assassin since the age of sixteen.

Fury lifted up his fork, picking up a piece of food. "Your sister works for us."

I choked, slamming my fork down on the table. "Wait, what?"

"Rebecca Frost works in S.H.I.E.L.D's science division - I thought you knew. She is your sister after all," Fury announced, taking a mouthful of his dinner. He looked a little too smug about the bomb he'd just dropped on me. Bastard.

I pushed my plate away. "And I should care about this information because?"

"You're her sister, you should care." Great, now everyone was looking at me. Thanks a bunch Fury.

"Her sister who she hates," I scoffed, gritting my teeth. My knuckles grew whiter on the edge of the table and my right leg tapped to an unsteady rhythm.

"Why does she hate you?" It was Bruce asking the questions now.

"She thinks she's dead," Fury announced. "Miss Frost had someone tell her sister she died in action."

"Missing in action actually," I snapped, staring at Fury. Damn, I wanted to hit him.

"You didn't tell her?" Sharon asked, putting her fork down. Her brown eyes looked sad again.

I looked away from Sharon. "It was better that way. It is better this way." I glared at Fury. "Better for everyone."

"How?" Wanda looked away from Vision, her blue gaze on me.

"Telling my sister I survived but her husband died? Out of the two of us I can assure you that Aaron was the one my sister wanted to see return home, not me." I looked away from everyone, staring out of the window into the night sky. "I can't tell her that I couldn't do anything as I watched her brother be shredded to pieces by bullets and that they spared my life and not his."

"You have to tell her you're alive." Bruce shook his head, watching me. "I saw her reaction when I was in the science department - she fell apart when both letters came through to say her husband was killed in action and her sister was missing in action. The soldier who delivered the news may as well have just stabbed her in the chest the way she looked that day."

"Please, I do not need goody two shoes having even more of a vendetta against me," I snapped. "I'm sure she's perfectly happy without her little sister."

"And you're not a goody two shoes?" Fury glared at me with his one good eye, which was even more disturbing than if it had been two.

I shivered, turning away from him. "I suppose you could say I'm the opposite."

"She told me why you joined the army," Fury said, taking another bite of his kebab. "I Skyped her after our little conversation this afternoon."

"You mean how her husband told me I needed to sort my life out and do something good for once, so of course he said join the army. Yeah I remember and I don't regret it, it was the best decision I ever made. I enrolled with him. But what you don't understand is that me and my sister have a history of arguing. She just disagrees with every single thing I do." I rolled my eyes taking a drink, ever since the accident... No, I was not remembering that.

I could feel Fury's gaze still on me. "Well you better stop arguing and agree."

"Why?" I had a feeling I already knew the answer as I looked back to Fury.

"Because she's coming here tomorrow." Fury looked away from me.

"You didn't even think to ask me if I wanted this? I have enough to deal with - readjusting to normal life, dealing with post- traumatic stress. And now my sister is going to be here -" I stood up, slipping my crutches on, leaving my dinner uneaten "- you're a bastard Nick Fury. I'm leaving." I was so god damn angry. My body practically shook with my rage.

"Where are you going to go?" Sharon's voice called from behind me as I got into the lift.

"I'll let you know when I find out myself." I gave her a small smile as the doors began to close. "It was great seeing you, Sharon. I wish it could of been longer, but I just... I can't."

"I understand," Sharon mouthed, nodding. She still looked sad but at least she didn't push me any further.

The lift doors clicked shut. I didn't hit the button, instead I tried to compose myself. So this was it, I was back on the run. Alone. If I'm honest, I hadn't expected it to last this long anyway. It had been nice while it had lasted though, to feel like a normal human being, not a monster. But a monster can never exist in the open for too long without being seen for who they really are, before being forced to return to the shadows. I bowed my head, staring down at my worn shoes - scuffed from so much walking, from so much running. The lump in my throat got bigger. I was so sick of running. But it was the only thing I could do. Run as far away from everyone as possible and hope there was no one that followed me. I hit the ground floor button waiting for the lift to move.

A button pinged on the outside before the doors were forced open by a metal hand. "I'll make sure she's safe, Sharon." The doors opened wide enough for the Sergeant to slip in before they closed again. Shit. What was he doing here?

"What are you doing?" I asked, moving away from him to the corner of the lift. "You don't need to be here, so why are you?" My words were harsh and clipped, I didn't want anyone near me right now.

"Guess." Bucky smirked - a lop sided grin which definitely made me think he was a ladies man in the 1940's. Actually no, the grin confirmed he had a storm of ladies in the forties and even more once he got his sergeant's uniform. He didn't seem to care about my hostile glares or voice. "Go on, just take a wild guess."

"You're here to piss me off even more than Fury has." I leant against the wall, running a hand through my hair. The anger it was still fresh in my veins, making my heart pound. I hit the ground floor button again. The lift began its descent down.

"Is that so, doll?" His grin widened. Idiot. "Your language is appalling, you should be ashamed of yourself both just now and at the dinner table. Steve didn't look too impressed and I swear he whispered 'language'."

"I don't care and besides I am not a doll. I am not made of plastic and I do not braid my hair and I don't wear stupid outfits. And I most certainly am not called Barbie," I argued, crossing my arms over my chest, still staring at the floor.

"So you're action man then?" Bucky laughed, taking a step towards me. "I've been researching modern culture lately."

"So that must make you Barbie then?" I asked, peering up at him through my fringe.

"I don't know." He grinned down at me. "I guess I could fit into a sparkly pink dress and still look fantastic."

"It would compliment your eyes," I laughed, my muscles less tense. The lift pinged as I swiftly left. My crutches tapped quickly on the foyer floor as I headed for the door.

But of course Bucky was right by my side, opening the door for me. "Doll, you're not gonna lose me that easily."

"If I don't try and lose you will you stop calling me, doll?" I asked swinging through the door.

"I suppose, if you're good," Bucky's voice answered right in my ear. I shivered taking a right, heading for the park. I needed some fresh air.

"A park?" He laughed. "In the dark?"

"What? Is poor Barbie scared and a poet?" I dodged a pushchair.

"Nah doll, I'm not." He put his arm though mine. Again with the stupid nickname.

"You should be." I pulled away from him.

"Why?"

I stopped, looking back at Bucky. His smile had drooped slightly and one of his eyebrows were raised.

"Because I'm going to get really annoyed if you don't quit the nickname." I raised one of my crutches. "Do you understand, Sergeant?"

"Yes ma'am." Bucky saluted, laughing.

I turned away from Bucky. Two women were now walking towards us, eyes hungrily drinking Bucky in. Their dresses barely covered their arses, their faces well... Was there a face behind all of that make up? Really? I started to laugh.

"What's wrong?" Bucky asked.

"Nothing much." I grinned as one of them approached.

"Hey." She smiled at Bucky.

"Hey." Bucky smiled back.

"I'm Sally." She twisted a lock of hair around her finger.

"Bucky." Bless him, he looked somewhat uncomfortable right now. Where had the confident ladies man gone from earlier?

"The Bucky Barnes?" She asked, batting her eyes.

"Yeah." Bucky looked down, staring at the pavement. He'd rushed out of the tower and hadn't grabbed a jacket. His bionic arm was on full display for the whole world to see. The city lights through the trees glinted off of the metal, highlighting the arm even more. Ever since I arrived he'd always use his other hand, pretend his other arm didn't exist. Just like me with my leg... His awkwardness was my fault.

Sally the slut glared up at Bucky. "You're a monster, all those things you did." Wow, now that was just out of order.

"Hey bitch." I poked her leg with my crutch reminding her of my existence. "Keep your opinions to yourself."

"Freedom of speech, Brit," she snapped at me, turning around. "It's only the tr-"

I grabbed her hair. "That won't help you when I cut off your tongue," I hissed into her ear. "You won't be speaking at all, let alone freely."

"Ahhhh! Get off! Get off!" She pulled forward. I let go. A lamppost was conveniently placed in front of her. Smack. Her once pretty face collided with it.

I held back a laugh. "Oops."

"You're crazy!" She cried, running after her friend.

"Yeah, you got that right, she bites!" Bucky called after her.

"Thanks," I muttered, entering the park gate, laughing.

"No. Thank you." Bucky's blue eyes held mine as he used his right hand to stop my movement by putting it in front of me.

"For what?" I went to swing away, unable to hold his gaze.

A hand grabbed my bicep this time. "Standing up for me."

"Funny pun there," I laughed, trying to stop my racing heart.

Bucky just grinned at me. "I mean it, doll."

I stepped back, unable to from a coherent sentence. He would not be thanking me if he knew who I really was, where I was really from. I tried looked away from him - pushing him away was the best option, he couldn't get close to me - but I just couldn't look away.

"You know what, I'm hungry." Bucky's eyes never left mine.

"You didn't have to follow me," I muttered. Unfortunately he heard.

"You still complaining, doll?" Bucky chuckled, walking beside me.

"Yep." I swung up to a lone vending machine. "What do you want?"

"Wow." Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets. "What do you like to eat?"

"I'm not hungry," I said, getting my money out of my pocket.

"Yeah right, you had half your dinner, you're hungry." Bucky stared down at me, raising an eyebrow. "A woman hungry is just as bad as a woman scorned in my experience."

And right on cue my stomach grumbled. Great.

"Told ya." Bucky winked, leaning his arm on the vending machine.

"Fine," I muttered, pointing at a double decker.

"Go for it, doll."

I put my money in and pressed the number for the chocolate bar, which involved getting rather too close to Bucky. He smelled good, like really good - most likely Paco Robanne one million cologne. The vending machine grumbled before hey presto there was a double decker nestled at the bottom of the machine by the time I'd moved away from him.

Bucky leant down and took it out, examining the packet. His hair had fallen into his eyes, disrupting the perfect blue.

"It's a chocolate bar, Bucky," I said, taking it off of him. I ripped open the packet, handing him one part of the bar.

"Thanks, and I know," he said, taking the half of the bar and shoving it in his mouth. The whole thing - gone. "We had them in my time." Or at least that's what I think he said through his mouthful of food.

"Greedy," I mumbled, finding a bench in the lamp light.

We sat in silence for a while, watching the traffic and hum of the night life. And for once, for once I didn't feel like I needed to make a noise. The silence didn't feel awkward. It felt natural listening to our breaths amongst the Manhattan night life. The rush of traffic and the hum of people rushing around the city. I nibbled on my chocolate bar, watching people rush past. I was far too aware of the small gap between Bucky and myself, one wrong move and my right leg would be touching his leg. My bionic leg.

I don't know how long we sat in silence but it was peaceful. My anger at Fury slowly faded away and for once I didn't feel on edge. Our breaths slowly became white puffs in the night air, the stars casting their own light upon the earth.

I'd just about forgotten about the incident in the tower and pushed my sister to the back of mind, until Bucky spoke "Zoe, why does your sister hate you?" He'd stayed quiet until then, his question out of the blue.

I sat silently, twisting my crutch.

"I mean you don't have to tell me, but hate is a pretty strong word. She's your sister, blood is thicker than water ever will be." Bucky watched a cab drive past.

"I'm the reason she's in a wheelchair," I whispered into the night. The lamp light above us flickered. I blinked rapidly, swallowing the lump in my throat. Pressure was on my knee, a thumb drawing circles on my jeans. Somehow the movement was soothing and I continued to speak. "I wanted her to come to a street race with me, I begged her actually. She... She gave in eventually and came with me. There was a crash. I was trapped and unconscious, in a coma for two days. Becky..." My voice croaked at her name. "Becky was flung across the road. She was paralysed and it was all my fault." I pulled my sleeve over my hand, wiping my eyes with it. "I'm the reason she's paralysed." I buried my face in my hands. "She should hate me, I deserve to be hated." I didn't know whether my sister hated me but she should, the minute I got the chance I joined the army and left her alone because I couldn't bare the sight of her. The sight of something I'd done.

The hand disappeared. I was being pulled against someone, an arm around me. My right leg touched his and his metal arm was over my shoulders. "Hey, don't cry, doll," was mumbled into my hair. Bucky's warmth spread through my arm. "There's no use crying over spilt milk."

"I'm not crying." I hiccuped. "My hay fever's playing up." I sat up, pulling away from him.

"If you say so..." Bucky's hand slipped from my shoulders, all of the warmth travelling with it.

"I didn't say you could let go." I hiccuped again needing the warmth back, besides he was the only thing holding me together at the moment.

"You're a little dictator aren't you," Bucky chuckled, putting his arm around me again.

"Not normally," I said whilst rubbing any remnants of tears away with my hands. "Well not five percent of the time..."

"Only to me it would seem." He rubbed my shoulder.

"Yeah, well," I shrugged. "Someone has to put you in line."

"Yeah, well I probably deserve it." Bucky half heartedly laughed. "That girl was right."

I looked into his blue orbs, taking his left hand. "No you didn't and never will deserve to be called a monster. She was wrong, you're not a monster, James. You were brainwashed, you had no choice. You were a victim of war. Me on the other hand - I had a choice - I chose wrong. I have far more sins than you. You were a good person before, I've always been a bitch right from the start." He had no idea how right that was, how I chose to forget everything, only to remember again.

Bucky squeezed my hand. "I'm not going to judge you on who you were before, as you said the past is painful, no doubt about that, but it's over and we're currently in the present, doll. So let's just focus on the choices we're about to make in the future because you can't change your past no matter how hard you try." Another squeeze. "And believe me you don't want to push your sister away, people who care they're what you need, and if they really care they'll keep coming back, no matter how hard you push. Trust me I know, Steve wouldn't stop so I just let him in, in the end - it was the best thing I ever did."

"You say it like it's easy..." I mumbled, resting my head against Bucky's shoulder. His cologne washed over me, mixed with the smell of metal and something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Speaking to people is never easy, getting it off your chest, but once you've done it, it feels a lot better." Bucky's metal hand held my own - my pale skin a stark contrast to the pale metal of his arm. Stark had made him another one after the incident in Russia - they seemed on good terms for now. The King of Wakanda had given them the precious vibranium for a better, stronger arm.

I looked up to Bucky, scanning his face. "Why did you follow me?"

He shook his head, a piece of hair falling into his eyes. "In case you did something stupid, something you'll regret."

"I don't want Becky to see me, see who I've become." I moved away from Bucky, leaning forward on my knees. "I don't want her to care, it's easier that way." The cold night air greeted my skin. Goosebumps rose on my arms, making me shiver. The cold was back.

"I understand that but just give it a try, it's been a while by the sound of things, maybe she's changed her mind about you." Bucky stood up, picking up my crutches and handing them to me. "We should get back otherwise you'll be tired seeing your sister tomorrow."

We hadn't been walking long before a group of people outside a nightclub started pointing at Bucky, snickering. None of their features showed any sign of pleasantries or kindness.

"Hey frosty! Gonna kill me?" A man caught my gaze, yelling at Bucky.

I looked to Bucky. The sergeant's jaw tensed, pupils rapidly expanding. Bucky clenched his metal fist once before he bolted off down an alleyway.

I followed him. I didn't even think about it as I swung down the alleyway. Bucky sat on a bin, or dumpster as I think they're called in the US. He glared down at his left hand - anger written all over his face.

"You left me hanging there, Barnes." I looked up at him, all remnants of the cocky Bucky I had just seen were gone again. He looked scared. His lips were a thin line and his eyes cast at the floor - he'd clammed up. "Hey, don't pay any attention to those douche canoes."

Bucky shook his head, laughing once before his eyes glazed over again. "I fought in a war to protect the world for those idiots."

I shook my head, grabbing onto the bin and clambering up in a not-so-elegant way. "So did I, Bucky boy, so did I."

"Bucky boy?" Bucky sat up, raising an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I'm testing nicknames, I need an annoying one." I took his left hand in mine, lifting it closer to exam it. "Tin man? One armed wonder? Metallica?"

Bucky squeezed my hand. "None of those are annoying, doll. I guess you'll just have to keep thinking."

"I will find a good one, besides you wouldn't tell me they weren't annoying even if they were." I laughed, climbing down from the bin and tugging Bucky with me. "Now, let's go back to the tower, Sarge. And if those idiots start again, I'll give them a swift kick up the arse."

Bucky looked to my crutches, lips parting but at the last second he froze and whatever he was going to say faded away.

I shook my head. "Just because I'm crutches doesn't mean I'm not bad ass. What you look like on the outside is not always who you are on the inside."

Everyone was asleep. We'd gotten back to the tower and gone our separate ways. And now at 2AM my plan was about to go into action. I kicked off my duvet, silently opening my bedroom door and sliding out, briskly walking down the corridor and into the lift. Sunglasses concealed my face, along with my hood.

It didn't take long for me to run to the nightclub, dressed all in black and a dagger in my back pocket. The nightclub was still open, lights flashing and music pounding. I pushed through the dancing figures to the bar. The idiot leant against the bar, downing a shot. I approached him, giving him a warm smile.

"Hey gorgeous," he slurred, staring down at me.

"Hey arse hat." And with that my fist connected with his nose. Operation revenge was in motion.

He staggered back, clutching his face. "W-what?"

"What you said to the winter soldier. Don't you dare talk to anyone like that ever again. Do you understand?" I snapped, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer.

The man nodded, eyes wide.

"Good." I put him down and turned on my heel, walking away. Everyone stared at me, watching me walk away.

"Stupid bitch..." It was so quiet he thought I wouldn't have heard. How wrong he was.

I slowly turned back to face him, tensing my right leg before kicking the idiot directly between the legs. Vibranium met the guys balls for a brief second before I pulled my leg away. The man groaned and fell to his knees, clutching his junk. I walked away, pushing my sunglasses back up my nose. "You don't mess with this bitch, asshole."


	7. Chapter 7 - Crushed

"_Kill him!" _

_A little boy was sitting on a metal chair in front of me - innocent. A spongebobsquarepants hat was placed onto his blonde curls and the same bright yellow character on his shorts and shirt. His parents had been killed in the bombing in Vienna at the UN conference for the accords. They had been S.H.I.E.L.D agents. My enemies. _

_The boy - he was a warning to the rest of them, those who were to keep coming for us. A warning that HYDRA would prevail - chop off two heads and two more will take their place. _

_ "Kill him!" Sounded through the room again, the speaker vibrating in the wall. _

_I shook my head, hair falling into my eyes as I stared at the boy. My mask concealed most of my face, apart from my eyes. The glass across the room reflected them - a dead green which quickly looked away from my reflection back to the child. _

_The boy looked at me, his big brown eyes wide - pleading. "Friend?" He asked. He couldn't have been older than four. The spongebobsquarepants hat had now fallen down his head, hanging over his eyes, threatening to fall off. _

_"No," I muttered, my hand reaching for my gun. "I'm your foe."_

_ I had no control over what I was doing, my conscience having long gone. I had to kill him. I had to follow to my orders. The boy had to die._

_ The little boy scrambled against his cuffs. "Friend," he whimpered, small waterfalls beginning on his cheeks. His bottom lip wobbled and his brown eyes stared into mine, questioning. Why?_

_"Foe." I loaded the gun, pointing it at him. _

_The boy began to scream. I couldn't stand it, the high pitched, innocent noise. Something deep inside of me rattled, told me what I was doing was wrong. It made me flinch for a second before I held the gun tighter. I didn't care he was innocent I had to follow orders. _

_A red circle appeared in between the boy's eyes. The spongebobsquarepants hat fell to the floor in front of my feet. His body had become limp. I'd shot him. The innocent scream still echoed in my ears... _

I sat bolt up right. Sweat made my pyjamas cling to my body. I pulled at my shirt, trying to make the tight sensation in my chest fade away. The boy's scream still echoed in my ears. "Just a dream..." I muttered, heaving myself out of bed. At least I didn't scream this time.

Matthew Christopher Thompson. That was the boy's name. I remembered all of their names. How could I forget them? He had been four, not the youngest of my kills. I gripped the bedside table, resisting the urge to punch the wall. Monster. The word circled around in my head - a deafening chorus. A hot tear fell down my cheek, hitting the wood below. I could remember everything - it had come back in dreams, nightmares - piece by piece my memory had come back to create a horrific masterpiece.

I wiped the tear trail from my cheek, heading the bathroom. I paused. Laughter sounded from the direction of the living room. Oh dear, today was... I gulped down bile as I made my way to the bathroom. My watch glared up at me from my wrist, it was already eleven; I'd over slept quite dramatically.

My little escapade last night had ended with an ambulance and me running through the streets of Manhattan hopelessly lost until I found the tower and returned. Hopefully Friday hadn't noticed my disappearance. Or the news hadn't captured my face. Then again they wouldn't know it was me anyway as they'd expect me to be on crutches. Another lie amongst many. I tried to shrug off the feeling of guilt, grabbing some clothes...

Minutes later I was dressed and ready. Not that I was leaving my room today. I picked up my crutches, heading for the mirror.

"Gonna quit hiding and join us in the living room?"

I kept walking to the mirror, setting my crutches down and ignoring the voice.

"Open up, doll."

I ignored him again.

"Play the hard way then," sounded outside my door followed by a thud. "I'm breaking the door down, doll."

"For god's sake just come in," I mumbled, tying my hair up and putting my crutches near me.

"Hey, doll." God dammit with the nickname.

"Hey, Barbie." I tried to say whilst the hairbrush was still in my mouth.

"You know there's brunch in the living room, you don't have to eat that." I felt him take the hairbrush out of my mouth and holding it.

"Thanks," I muttered, twisting the final part of my hair band. I took the hairbrush from him and dumped it on the side.

"She's here," Bucky said, crossing his arms, watching me. "Fury hasn't told her yet, that you're here... She knows you're alive though."

I looked at Bucky with pleading eyes. "Any chance of escaping?"

"I'm actually here to make sure you get there, direct orders from Fury." Bucky smirked at me, flexing his bionic arm.

"You and your stupid crooked grin." I turned away from him collapsing onto my bed. "Well have fun with that, I'm not coming out of this room," I mumbled into the duvet.

I heard a laugh before something heavy landed on top of me, someone landed on top of me. "Bundle!"

I buried my face in the covers. "James Buchanan Barnes, get off of me."

The weight disappeared. Hands circled my waist. I was being lifted.

"Let go," I yelped, clawing at his arms. It looked like some bizarre reenactment of The Lion King, I half expected the circle of life to start playing.

"Ow," Bucky growled, glaring up at me. "And no, I won't let go."

"Why?" I stopped clawing, hanging there.

"Manners."

"Please put me down, Barnes," I asked politely.

He lowered me down so my feet touched the floor. "Of course, but my name is Bucky, doll."

"Okay," I sighed, slipping on my crutches. "Let's do this. I have one escape route."

"You're not going to war," Bucky laughed, holding the door open for me.

"Might be," I argued back, swinging into the corridor.

"I'm on your side." Bucky gripped my shoulder.

"Thanks," I stopped.

"Only because I don't want you as an enemy." Bucky smirked at me, cockily walking past me.

"Asshole," I muttered.

He moved out of the way to go and sit down.

There she was in her chair, hair plaited on her right shoulder. A blue blouse on her petit frame and a smart grey skirt. My big sister. She was happily talking to Bruce. "And the super soldier serum lasts in female blood and not male, that's how I found out about it. It's more powerful in the female bloodstream."

"Incredible," Bruce scribbled down some more notes.

I ignored them, choosing to get a drink instead, my crutches making a soft tapping sound on the floor.

"Zoe? Oh my god, Zoe - you're alive." Becky seemed to choke on her own words, they were full of shock, relief, happiness, anger.

The room fell silent.

I poured the juice into my glass, turning around with it in my hand. "Yes?"

"I thought you were..." Becky's grey eyes filled with tears. "They told me you were missing in action, I didn't think you were ever coming back... Fury told me you were alive." Becky shook her head. "How can this be real?"

"I'm real, this is all real - we're not in the matrix." I pinched my arm.

Becky's eyes fell to my legs, widening. "Why do you have crutches?" Of course, she hadn't seen me since enrolment.

"For fashion, I like the edge they give me." I rolled my eyes, draining the remnants of the glass and placing it a little too heavily on the side.

"I didn't mean for it to come true I was just angry." Becky was rolling towards me.

"I don't blame you." I shrugged, swinging past her.

A small hand grabbed my arm. "Please give me another chance."

"So I'm not dead to you anymore then?" I pulled my arm away from her. "I distinctly remember you saying I was dead to you forever, you can go die in war like the coward you are. You can't take that back Becky, it's not that easy." I started swinging back to my room.

"Okay, okay so I can't take it back. I know I can't take it back but please just hear me out. Zoe, _please_."

I stopped but I didn't turn around.

"I need to make this right before the end of this week."

"Why?" I sharply spun round. "What can you possibly say that will reverse everything that's happened between us in the space of seven days?"

Becky kept my gaze, her bottom lip wobbling. "I have terminal cancer."

Everything felt heavy. Black dots clouded my vision. Everything was swaying. Becky was going to- no. No. Not the one person who actually cared about me. The word cancer was burning my brain. I felt like my head was floating, and the sea was in my ears. I felt sick.

"Zoe?" I heard a panicked Becky say. "You look paler than normal."

I swallowed trying to open my throat, trying to breath. "Cancer?" The word seemed foreign, distance.

"Yes." Becky smiled at me. How could she be happy at a time like this?

"Nothing much -" I swallowed again "- Nothing much fazes me, but this... This has." My crutches were the only thing keeping me up right now.

"I have a week to live, to laugh, to cry." Becky seemed very far away now, at the end of a dark, narrow tunnel. "And I want to spend those seven days with you, trying to make you forgive me even if it doesn't work." She sounded like she was underwater, slowly being dragged further away from me.

The black dots were now mostly in all of my sight. My head hurt. The ground was getting closer. My legs gave way. My crutches made a crashing sound as they hit the floor. I closed my eyes waiting for my head to make the same sound. Nothing. I was in someone's arms. Safe. The dots crowded my vision, darkness crowding my vision...


	8. Chapter 8 - Falling

_"You shall be alone when this war ends, alone and therefore free." Pierce stood in front of me, blue eyes cold. _

_ I was pinned to a chair about to get shocked after my latest mission. Metal bit into my skin, the chair stiff and uncomfortable underneath me. The room was freezing - the colour, the temperature, the atmosphere. Everything about it made me shiver ever so slightly, just so they wouldn't notice. I couldn't remember anything, why I was here, who I was... I just knew how to kill, to survive._

_ "I'm alone now," I whispered, watching those around me. Armed guards, two scientists preparing equipment._

_"No you're not, there are others like you." And right on cue a long haired man with a mask walked past, a frown creasing his face. The winter soldier. He couldn't see us, but I could see him. His blue eyes glazed over, the metal of his arm glinting in the lab light as he walked topless, flanked by guards._

_ "I knew him," he muttered, blue eyes wide. He was remembering his past life._

_ "You don't know Captain America," one of the guards snapped. So he had remembered. The one thing HYDRA never wanted to happen, it meant that they had lost control._

_ "You shall be better than him." Pierce's voice brought me back and I looked to him. He smiled at me - a grotesque thing which cracked across his face. "You shall be the best, soldier."_

_ I relaxed in my chair, the foul taste of a gum shield meeting my mouth. I gritted my teeth awaiting the pain. A cry sounded not that far away, the soldier was screaming too. Yet me and him were not alike in the slightest way. I would be alone forever. I wasn't innocent before this and I wouldn't be at the end. The pain started, volts screaming through my head. To be alone is to be free..._

"She was always getting into trouble." That laugh... Becky. It was Becky. My sister. My dying sister... No. It hurt, the lack of control, the pain. I pushed the startling news to the back of my mind. I couldn't lose her, I only just got her back.

"Rude to talk about people behind their backs," I mumbled, still finding comfort in the darkness under my eyelids.

Becky giggled. "Speaking of backs, do you still have that tattoo Zo?"

I sat up, rubbing my eyes, before glaring at my sister. Trust her to bring up that mistake - Romanian vodka was not my friend before the serum.

"I'll take that as a yes. I don't even see why you got it there, I mean no one's going to see it." Becky sat in her chair, raising a perfect eyebrow at me.

"It's on my lower back, not anywhere stupid. Besides I was drunk, my decisions were a little skewed." I argued, shaking my head. My most recent dream was far too real at the moment, my head ached as if I'd been shocked again. The memory was from years ago, Pierce had been dead for years now. My heart still raced ever so slightly, my head throbbing.

"And you wore a bikini or exposed a lot of flesh when exactly?" Becky glared back.

"Since I became a stripper," I muttered, yawning. "Only at the weekends though, I'm busy being a cripple the rest of the week."

"Funny. I need to talk to you outside." Becky took my hand - which looked like a giant's compared to hers - ignoring my sarcastic comment. She always did ignore them. Her hand was remarkably warm in mine, comforting. Comfort... Now that was something I hadn't felt in a long time.

"To the balcony?" I asked, grabbing my crutches and standing up.

"But you're scared of heights, Zo." Becky laughed.

"Falling actually," I corrected her. "There's a difference."

"Perfectionist," she taunted me, rolling backwards and spinning around. I followed her out of the door.

"Rebecca?" Bruce stood, his glasses crooked on his nose. A tablet was in his hands, screen bright.

My sister looked to Doctor Banner. "Yes?"

"The serum I've regained some of it." Bruce was practically bouncing. "Only problem is it'll take years to formulate into something we can use."

She couldn't tell him. Please, she wouldn't, she couldn't. She couldn't tell them what I was.

"Looks like you'll have to do it for me." Becky smiled, nudging me with her chair to go.

I stood on the balcony, snowflakes falling from the sky. I stuck my tongue out giggling. I didn't care if everyone was watching us.

"Just like old times." I heard Becky sigh.

"Mmmm..." I put my crutches on the flood and leant over the balcony, lifting my right leg off of the floor, leaving the left one down. The leg I trusted.

"Don't fall." A hand was holding my ankle.

I stood back, twisting around, catching another snowflake on my tongue. "What did you want to talk about then?"

"You know Sam is pretty nice, but nothing compared to Aaron," Becky sighed, rolling near to the edge. "At least I'll be able to spend eternity with him soon."

I nodded, humming 'Please don't leave me' by P!nk. The irony. "When were you going to tell me? I mean if you knew I was still alive would you have said anything?"

Becky nodded her head, putting her hands in her lap. Her nails were painted a deep blue - each one a perfect length and shape. "I... I would have done eventually, if you weren't on a mission."

I watched the traffic, the small dots below me - each individual's with lives of their own, lives I could take away with just one kick to the head. I shook my head at my sister, looking back at her. "Mission... They were never missions - being paid to kill people, even if they were bad people... I've never been good. I never will be. Being good now is just telling myself lies that I want to hear."

Becky reached out and tapped my knee. "You were good before you got involved in the gang, the racing and everything else that came with it. You just lost sight of what was good for you, what was good in you."

"It's nice you think there's still some good in me..." I mumbled. "That I actually care."

"When HYDRA gave you the serum it would have amplified your strongest personal traits - you act all cold but it's because you care more. Science says so and you can't argue with science."

I gritted my teeth, turning my head so I didn't have to look at her. "I don't thin-"

"Don't argue you with me, Zoe," Becky snapped - she was definitely angry.

"I'm not arguing, I just know that what you're saying is bullshit." I looked to my sister. "I don't care, if I did care over one hundred people would be alive."

Becky huffed, grey eyes looking away from me. "You're wrong and you know it."

"I'm not talking about this, change the subject, Rebecca." I raised an eyebrow, glaring at my sister.

"I think Bucky likes you." Well that came out of nowhere. Any chance of changing the subject back?

"Thanks for not telling them about my leg, about me." I sat down on the rail. The wind made my shirt billow, my hair fly around my face from the security of my ponytail. If I lost my balance I would fall. I wonder... Would anyone catch me?

"Don't change the subject," Becky laughed. "If you don't want him I'll have him. I mean the guy looks like a god. His blue eyes are to die for and the square jawline, ahhh he's beautiful. How is he not a model?"

I just sighed, looking inside the tower. Sure enough everyone was watching us. They weren't even being discreet about it. I waved at them, throwing them a grin. Aha, no hands on the railing rebel that I was.

"He was talking to me about you this morning, Zoe." I looked back to Becky. She poked me in the leg. "He said you were funny and understood what it's like being a victim."

"Nah... He's just being nice, he's from the 1940's after all." I rolled my eyes, leaning backwards. Adrenaline flooded my veins, the risk of falling was exhilarating.

"You'll fall." Becky was holding my leg.

"Then I'll just get back up again," I laughed, leaning even further back, ignoring her comment which had obviously been about Bucky and not going over the edge of the balcony. Everyone inside was now watching me, eyes glued to me and not my sister.

"Get down! You're going to give me a heart attack!" Becky pulled my leg making me slip off of the rail. My coccyx harshly connected with the floor.

"Ow." I grimaced, wincing at the hardness of the floor and then I laughed - the sound abruptly escaping my lips - at the stupidness of the situation.

"Why are you laughing?" Becky was practically crying with laughter now.

"Because it hurt and it was stupid." I stuck my bottom lip out.

"You know I think Barbie would jump in front of a bullet for you." Becky had stopped laughing now, watching me again with her inquisitive grey eyes. How much had Bucky told her?

"Thanks for not telling them about me." I tried to thank her again.

"You're not ready and neither are they." Becky smiled, putting her elbow on the railing. "One day though... You'll have to tell someone. I remember the phone call you gave me years ago when it first happened, when you first remembered and then they caught you. I'm a super soldier, Becky, and my leg, it's metal. And then a few days later a package with your blood sample came through with the serum in it."

"Yeah, scariest moment of my life." I looked up at her.

Becky smirked, winking at me. "So Zucky or Boe?"

"You're shipping us now?" I cast my gaze to the floor, hair falling around my face as it escaped even more of my ponytail. "You're not meant to ship real human beings."

" I don't care, the ship has sailed." Becky's hair fluttered in the wind along with her blouse.

"No, it hasn't." I crossed my arms.

"Yes, it most definitely has." Becky glared at me, shaking her head.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

Becky shook her head, her hands resting in her lap again, her wedding ring and engagement ring glinting in the sunlight. "Would you not date him?"

"No." Wait what? Had I seriously fallen for that?

Becky just laughed, tears falling down her cheeks again.

"What do you want to do?" I ventured into the unknown, looking inside - no one moved, all eyes on my sister and me. "I mean we have a week and I don't want to sit around bickering with you..."

Becky looked up at the sky - her veins were visible in her neck her skin paler than normal. "Skydiving."

I watched my sister, drinking in all of her details. The way her bottom lip was plumper than her top. Her wonky Cupid's bow and the little beauty mark that was barely visible on her right nostril. And then it hit me, what she'd just said. Skydiving. Hurtling towards the Earth at God knows how many miles an hour to your death. How was that fun? "What?" I finally managed to say.

"Sam said he'd take me..." Becky smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. "And you."

"No, definitely not. And you're not flinging yourself out of a plane either." I shook my head. "It's dangerous."

"Bucky's going." Becky bit her lip. "Imagine how good he'll look in a sky diving suit... Tight fabric and the winter soldier's arse equals Zoe's dream."

"That's not going to persuade me." I stood up, picking up my crutches.

"Oh, you see I've already told him that you'd go." Becky's shoulders shook with her laughter. "You wouldn't want to disappoint Bucky, would you?"

I swung on my crutches, my legs swinging. "Fine."

"Yay," Becky giggled. "Let's go!" Wait, what? Who was the older sibling here?

I quickly swung after my speedy sister. What the hell had I just agreed to?

"Let's go!" Becky beamed, picking up her bag.

I stood leaning on the door frame, the wind licking my back. I had my arms crossed over my chest. It was best to say I wasn't amused.

"Awwww... Is diddums scared?" Sam smirked, picking up a backpack.

"No," I snapped. How had they even arranged this anyway?

"Ever skydived before?" Sam tightened his backpack straps, watching me.

"Totally, I once did it nude." I was too sarcastic for my own good sometimes.

"Okay," Sam laughed, tossing the bag over his shoulders. "I'll just teach Becky then seen as though you know what you're doing."

Becky sat in the lift laughing as Sam joined her. She looked so happy for someone who had so little time left.

I rolled my eyes swinging into the centre of the living room. "What have I agreed to?" I muttered. "What am I doing with my life?"

"You scared?" Tony asked from Pepper's side, a bag of blueberries in his lap.

"No, just..." I shrugged. "Not a big fan of falling."

Bucky appeared with another backpack, he had a tight black shirt on, his muscles clearly visible. I mean I obviously wasn't looking, just observing something which could not be missed. That and the way his jawline looked when his hair was tucked behind his ear... Wow, Zoe sort your priorities out.

"If I die Sharon, I want you to have my... Oh wait I have nothing." I rubbed my crutch on the floor. "You can have my car." I smiled as I entered the lift.

"You'll be fine!" I heard Sharon laugh as Bucky entered the lift too. Everyone's amused faces disappeared as the lift closed. I studied the patterns inside closely, thinking.

"So, have you ever skydived before?" Bucky asked, pushing his hair behind his ear.

I looked up at him, laughing. "Nope."

"I'll teach you, doll." Bucky smirked.

"Thanks, Barbie," I mocked him, shaking my head as I reached up and fixed my ponytail, the stray strands annoying me.

"Or I could just let you fall." Bucky's laugh vibrated in the lift as we headed for the ground floor.

"I'd deserve it," I whispered, looking away from him to the lift doors.

"She doesn't hold it against you you know." Bucky nudged my shoulder. "I spoke to her for at least two hours before you woke up."

"I know she doesn't..." I sighed, not looking at him. "That's what makes it worse."

"What did she say to you outside on the balcony anyway?" Bucky had taken a step closer to me. I could feel his gaze on the side of my face... Good luck trying to get anything out of me.

I shrugged, watching him from the corner of my eye. "It doesn't matter."

"Okay." Bucky ran his right hand through his hair. "So skydiving..."

The explanation was fairly simple but I had a feeling that doing it was going to be a whole different thing entirely. "Right... Easy as pie."

"You were in the army, you'll be fine." Bucky walked briskly beside me as we walked to the garage.

"But what if I fall?" I whispered, casting my gaze to the floor.

"Then I'll catch you." Bucky's words were so sincere, so passionate. It scared me. I didn't deserve him yet here he was.

We all sat silently in the car. Becky constantly met my gaze and then looked to Bucky, winking, from the front seat. Nudge, nudge, hint, hint. She may as well have just said it out loud.

I looked away from her, out of the window. Fields rolled past us now, vast spaces with little human activity.

Goosebumps rose on my arms. I had sky dived before...

_I fell through the air, wind whipping my face. Goggles concealed my eyes and a mask hid my face. The Stars bore witness to my descent, their light glinting on my gun. _

_My target. Their blonde hair fell over their shoulder in waves, spilling across white chiffon - she looked out over the ocean from her balcony so blissfully unaware. I pulled out a gun from my back pocket. I clicked the bullet into place. A red hole now spilt Crimson across the fabric of her dress. Screams erupted on the beach below. _

_She fell forwards. Crack. A crumpled mess of white and blonde and pink stained the pavement. I pulled my shoot, landing in the ocean minutes later. It was warm, lapping at my waist and soaking my uniform. The gun slipped from my hand, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. All evidence of her murder was gone..._

"Zoe? Are you okay?" Bucky looked at me, searching my face. He was touching my knee and I hadn't even noticed, too absorbed in my own memories.

"Y-yeah, just remembering something from war..." I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I remember falling years ago, from a train and Steve reaching for me..." Bucky shook his head, hand still on my knee. "But it's okay because he caught me eventually when we fell off of a building with a helicopter."

"The bromance is strong," Sam laughed from the driver's seat.

I nodded, letting a small smile creep across my face. Who had the blonde lady been besides another name added to my list of many kills?

"Buckle up, Buck."

"Will do, Wilson."

"Seriously guys?" I rolled my eyes, clinging to my straps a little tighter. The Falcon helped Becky stand in front of him, her grey eyes scanning the scenery outside the window.

Bucky stood next to me, eyes on me.

"What are you looking at?" I asked, leaning on the wall for support. Support I didn't need.

"You." Bucky smirked. "Don't people in the twenty first century admire art anymore?" He walked over to Sam, so cock sure.

I rolled my eyes. "Make way, senior citizen coming through."

Sam burst out laughing, stepping to the door of the plane and opening it. Becky grinned at me before Sam spoke "This is where we leave to let the two lovers quarrel." And with that they jumped out of the plane.

"Ladies first." Bucky motioned for me to go.

"Men just before." I motioned for him to go.

"Together?" Bucky held out his hand.

I didn't even think the action through before his hand was in mine. He helped me walk and all too soon I was standing at the edge of the plane door, quite literally bricking it.

"You'll be fine." I could feel Bucky behind me, helping me stand. His breath warm on the back of my neck. Something within me stirred, my heart thundering in my chest. We were doing separate jumps, I was a super soldier for godsake. "I promise, doll."

"Okay," I croaked, watching my sister and the Falcon fall towards the earth. She was an official nutter. Crazy. Bonkers. Mad.

"Ready?" Bucky's breath grazed my ear.

"Now or never," I whispered, letting go of his hand.

"Go!" Bucky yelled, pushing me out of the plane.

Air whipped my face, scattering my brain cells and making my eyes run. The bastard. I spun in the air, round and round. Could you be sick falling this fast?

"Woooo!" Bucky yelled, a few inches from me. Blue eyes burned into me, his hair flying all over the place.

"Ahhhh!" I screamed, finally steadying my descent and stopping the sickening somersaults.

"Fun!" Bucky winked at me, his cheeks wobbling.

"No!" The ground was getting far too close. Oh god I was going to be sick for sure.

"Yes!" Bucky argued.

"No!" Yep, I was going to be sick, super soldier or not.

"Free!" Bucky yelled, leaning into the dive, falling faster.

I had no choice but to follow him. Soaring over the land, chasing him to the ground. We spun around each other, it was easier now - falling. I'd done it enough times...

"Pull your shoot!" Bucky yelled below me, pulling his own.

I pulled it. My shoulders jolted as I began to slow down. Oh shit. This was utterly crazy. The sensation of my heart threatening to explode in my chest far too real.

Bucky hit the floor first, parachute landing to the side.

I happened to land on top of him. Smooth move, I know...

We were left in a red light from my parachute covering the both of us. Our chests heaved.

I laughed. This was so ridiculous. "You said you'd catch me," I said, breathless.

"That I did, doll." Bucky laughed, breath fanning across my face. Our faces inches apart. His blue eyes stared into mine. Our lips so close...


	9. Chapter 9 - Nosedive

Bucky's chest vibrated as he laughed again, minty breath hitting my face. His eyes were intensely blue up this close, no imperfections or hints of green. I had the sudden sensation that I was drowning - unable to stop myself from being submerged by a giant wave.

I laughed too. It felt strange, it was a miracle I didn't shed dust with the unusual sensation. The only other people who had been able to make me laugh was Becky and Sharon.

Bucky flashed his crooked grin, his blue eyes crinkling at the sides. "You okay?"

"Yeah, you?" I put my hands by the side of his head to push myself up. I couldn't be seen straddling the winter soldier. Especially a winter soldier who looked like Simba in the Lion King when he was lying on the ground looking at the stars.

"I don't think I can move much." Bucky winced, shaking his head.

"Oh right." I went to roll to the side of him, leaning on my left leg.

"No don't -" Bucky's hands were on my hips "- I have a slight problem, I can only move..." Bucky reached up to me. I froze. He put his right hand to my cheek, brushing his thumb over my cheekbone. Blue eyes were all I could see. Our lips touched for the briefest of moments under the cover of the parachute, electricity running through every inch of my body. And then Bucky pulled away, looking up at me - waiting.

I leant forward and pressed my lips to his. Blue disappeared underneath brown lashes. His lips were rough yet gentle as they moved with mine. My eyes fluttered closed. A hand was on the small of my back. I sighed into his lips, I hadn't kissed anyone in years. Bucky sat up straighter. I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer; his smell washed over me. It was just him and me. I was only aware of him. His hand on my cheek, his other hand on my back. His chest pressed against mine, his smell, his warmth. Bucky's tongue traced my bottom lip. My heart leapt in my chest.

"What are you guys doing under there?" Sam's voice echoed outside. Shit. He snapped me right out of it.

I pulled away from Bucky, pushing myself off of him, not sure what to do, the grass digging into my skin. I couldn't look at him, heat rushing across my cheeks. What on earth had I just done?! I should have stopped it. He did not deserve to be entangled with me. I was a mess.

"I can only move my lips..." Bucky whispered, a low chuckle escaping his lips. Those lips which had felt amazing on mine seconds ago...

"And your neck and your hands and everything else," I whispered back. I tried to be angry, have rage in my voice but I just couldn't. Instead I raised a hand and touched my lips, they were warm, swollen almost and sensitive under my hands.

The parachute lifted. Sam was standing with Becky in his arms. Becky winked at me as she held the parachute up.

"Hello." I smiled, leaning on my elbows, fingers falling from my mouth.

Bucky scrambled up, whilst I tried to regain control of my racing heart. How did I get so lost in him? That one minute of my loss of control would haunt me later, hurt him later. That one selfish moment that I couldn't take back.

"Doll." Bucky held out his hand, calluses decorating his palm.

I took it. Maybe he pulled too hard, or I didn't stand up properly, but I somehow ended up hands on his chest, close, again.

"Thanks," I muttered, trapped by his gaze. Trapped?! Hold up I was not in love. I looked away from him, hoping and praying that my cheeks weren't red. I couldn't get attached, more to the point he couldn't get attached. I couldn't hurt him after all he'd already been through.

"S'alright," Bucky whispered, his hands still holding mine.

"Right let's go back." Sam smirked at me before walking back to the car with Becky, who happened to be smirking like a cheshire cat. Trust her to play match maker.

I stepped back from Bucky, slowly taking my hands from his. "I'll hobble back." I turned from him, following the other two. Push him away, that's what I had to do - James Buchanan Barnes could not get close to me.

One minute I was standing, the next I was over someone's shoulder. Bucky's shoulder. "Put me down!" I started hitting his back.

"No can do, I'm afraid I want to get home before Christmas." Bucky chuckled.

Men in black appeared cleaning up the parachutes. They paid no attention to me, or Bucky, eyes trained on their job. S.H.I.E.L.D agents.

"God dammit James put me down." I snapped, hitting him the back again.

My arse cheek suddenly stung. He'd slapped my arse!

"You Bastard!" I hit his back harder. "You're meant to be a gentleman!"

"I'm trying to help you, you know that right?" Bucky kept walking, ignoring my previous comment.

"I don't want to be helped," I complained, giving up on hitting him. My hair fell into my eyes and blocked my view of the agents as we walked further away.

"Well tough luck... Doll," Bucky laughed.

"Again with the bloody nickname!" I slapped his arse. Two could play at that game.

"Okay, princess." Wait, what?

"No." I crossed my arms over my chest, the clips from the parachute digging into my skin. "No nicknames."

"You are a royal pain in the arse, doll." He squeezed my legs.

"No, you are, Barnes." He couldn't squeeze my legs again, he'd notice the difference in texture, temperature - he'd know it was metal.

"Will you two stop arguing, jeez you're like a married bloody couple." Becky, for god's sake. Really?

Sam laughed.

"We're not even a couple yet," Bucky whispered so only I could hear. Whoa, what?

"What are you saying?" I hit him again, lightly. He couldn't be close already. No. I had to save him.

"Nothing," Bucky muttered.

"Or something." I urged him to continue.

"Doll, you're officially the biggest pain in the arse I've ever met." Bucky stepped over a puddle, making me sway.

"I'll take that as a compliment." I stared down at the ground, he wasn't putting me down no matter how much I complained.

"Sassy." Bucky gripped my legs tighter, jumping over another puddle.

"Stupid." He really was for even talking to me.

"Sarcastic."

"S-" I slid down Bucky's chest as he set me down, completely cutting me off. Shame, it was a good comeback as well.

"We're here, your highness." Bucky smirked down at me, the crooked thing slung across his face so casually. The sun on his face and the wind in his hair and the diving suit made for a pleasant sight - Bucky Barnes was practically the definition of eye candy. He opened the door, holding my gaze.

I was the one who looked away in the end, breaking his gaze and climbing into the back of the car, Bucky following me.

"That was fun." Becky laughed from the front seat, her fingers in her hair, redoing her plait. Not my definition of fun at all. Nope.

"Enthralling," I muttered, pressing myself as far away from Bucky as possible. The car door was cold against my left side.

"Beware the princess is grumpy," Bucky laughed.

"Beware Bucky will be dead soon." I glared at him. He just laughed at me.

"How long have you guys been married?" Sam asked, starting the car.

"Jealous then Sam?" I caught his gaze in the mirror, smirking.

"Why would I be jealous?" Sam kept my gaze.

"The bromance? Don't deny it, chicken wings." I looked away from him, laughing.

"Sam, can you move your seat forward?" It was Bucky this time, he was laughing too.

"No." Sam answered, a chuckle sounding from the front.

That conversation had definitely happened before...

Everyone was laughing as Becky explained what had happened.

I sat cross legged on a chair in the corner of the room. Phone in my lap. My hair hung around my face, a baggy Fall Out Boy shirt swamping me. All eyes were on Becky as she used her hands to emphasise her story. I let a small smile spear across my face, she always spoke with her hands even on the phone. A funny sight because the person on the other end of the phone had no idea what she was doing.

My phone vibrated against my leg, a text message from an unknown number. "Hello? ﾟﾘﾃ? ﾟﾘﾃ? ﾟﾘﾃ?"

"Who is this?" I rolled my eyes, typing quickly and hitting send.

"Guess? ﾟﾘﾀ? ﾟﾘﾀ?" Bucky was sitting across the room from me on his phone. A frown on his forehead and a small smile on his lips, his hair falling onto his cheeks disrupting his perfect jawline.

"A random stranger." I sighed, watching a smirk spread across his features.

"No ️ ️ ️ ️ ️" So many emojis...

"A pedophile?"

"No? ﾟﾘﾉ? ﾟﾘﾉ? ﾟﾘﾉ"

"Wild guess, but... Bucky?"

"Yes! ? ﾟﾘﾄ? ﾟﾘﾄ? ﾟﾘﾄ?" This is what happened when you let a one hundred year old loose with technology...

"Have you only just discovered emojis?"

"Yes? ﾟﾘﾋ? ﾟﾘﾋ? ﾟﾘﾋ?"

"Oh dear..." I rolled my eyes watching childish glee spread across his face. His blue eyes were glued to his phone, metal thumb and flesh thumb gently hitting the touch screen.

"Why aren't you using them? ? ﾟﾘﾤ? ﾟﾘﾤ?". Oh dear god Bucky.

"Because they've just officially been made uncool by a young, model looking 100 plus year old."

"I'm model looking? ?"

"Most men are these days due to plastic surgery." Becky was still talking but I was no longer paying attention and neither was Bucky.

"I haven't had that ?"

"Good for you Bucky."

"Are you still grumpy? ?"

"When aren't I?"

"Good point?"

I put my phone on my lap only to have it vibrate as soon as it touched my leg.

"You're a ?"

"?" I replied.

"Are you being sarcastic? ?"

"Guess?"

"Yes? ? ﾟﾘﾳ? ﾟﾘﾳ"

"Well done Bucky ?"

"Thank you ?" Wow.

"You're welcome ❄️"

"Is that my nickname now? ❄️"

"Yes ❄️"

"Snowflakes, beautiful but dangerous... ❄️?"

"Just like me ?".

I looked up to see Bucky smirking across the room at me, nodding. Those sapphire eyes and pink lips stretched into a smirk. My screen flashed. "You got that right ?".

I smirked back, nodding."❄️"

"?"

Maybe Becky was right I was falling, in an uncontrollable nosedive. I had to stop myself. I kept Bucky's gaze, smiling at him. His smirk only grew wider. Most importantly I had to stop Bucky falling. I couldn't catch him. I had to save him from myself.


	10. Chapter 10 - No One Else

_I ran after Becky across the bridge. The sun was bright streaming through the trees above us. "Come on Zo!" _

_"Coming!" I smiled. I was young, unaware, innocent and free. Untainted by the world. My Doc Martens hit the pavement harder as I ran after my sister. _

_She stopped suddenly and pointed at a struggling swan. The water in the river had risen and rushed passed the creature. "Look." Becky pointed at a struggling swan. It's white feathers were muddy as it thrashed it's wings. _

_I lifted myself over the railings of the bridge. It was slippery but if I was careful I would be okay. "I'll save it."_

_ "Be careful." Becky touched my shoulder. _

_"Always am," I muttered, reaching down to help the swan. Pressure appeared on my ankles. Becky was holding me. The swan stopped thrashing looking up at me, it was trapped in some netting. _

_"It's okay," I whispered, gently freeing it. The swan flapped its wings before swimming away. _

_"Zo, come on!" Becky cried, her grip tighter on my ankles. _

_"I'm com-"_

_Her hands slipped. _

_Cold water stung my skin. A wave went over my head. I was being dragged down stream. I fought desperately to keep my head above water. _

_"Becky!" I cried, helpless. Water splashed over my head again. "Help!" I thrashed, trying to keep my head above water. _

_"Here!" I looked up to see a hand. I took it. They pulled me out of the water. I coughed and spluttered. _

_"It's okay." Someone hugged me._

_ I looked up into the eyes of an ageing lady, her brown waves turning to grey. "My friend's best friend was a gentlemen he would have helped you," she sighed. "James Buchanan Barnes, or sergeant I should say." She smiled at me ruffling my hair. "Always with the ladies."_

_ "T-thank you," I whispered, shivering despite the warmth of the sunlight on my skin._

_"No, thank you," she whispered, standing. "Be careful..." _

_"Zoe," I answered._

_"Be careful Zoe." She patted my head before walking off. "Steve..." _

_"You betrayed us!" Pierce screamed at me. His tie had gone and his glasses lay smashed on the floor. The buttons at the top of his shirt were missing and red decorated his cheeks. Anger warped his features into a grotesque mask._

_"You betrayed us!" I snapped from inside the glass cage I was in. "You lied to me! I'm remembering things, not enough to know who I am but enough to know that what I'm doing is wrong!" _

_"S.H.I.E.L.D was part of HYDRA all along!" He yelled back. "You rang your sister and told her about you, about HYDRA!"_

_ "Bastard!" I screamed, hitting the glass with my fists. I was so confused, so lost. So many questions ran through my mind: Why? How? When? _

_ "You will pay for your sins after this," he glowered, leaving the room._

_ My feet suddenly felt very wet. Water. They were trying to drown me. Shit. I pounded on the glass. Nothing. Again. Nothing. The water was at my hips. It was filling too fast. I would not drown. I would not drown. I kicked the glass with my right leg. Nothing. Water soaked my t-shirt. I would not die. I hit the glass again. I was... I was scared for once. I was now floating in the water. No! I tilted my head to breath. Come on, come on! What did Tris do? What the hell! I'm not divergent or part of a book! Whoa, a book? Why did I remember that? _

_I kicked the glass one last time, my leg slow with the water. Nothing. I was submerged now. My lungs were already burning. "Breath!" Was being screamed in my head. I opened my mouth to breath..._

_The glass broke and Pierce stood over me. Splinters of glass dug into my skin. Red mixed with the water. "We'll have to kill your sister she knows too much." He stepped away from me. "You'll kill your sister."_

_"Wait." I grabbed Pierce's leg. "I'll do anything please, just don't touch her."_

_"Such as?" Pierce looked down at me - his eyes held no pity, empty or sympathy - they were cold and harsh._

_"Insert the shocker, do anything just please don't hurt her." I scrambled to my knees, keeping Pierce's gaze. "I don't remember who she is but I know I can't let you hurt her."_

_"It's done, prep the soldier for surgery," Pierce barked, nodding at two guards. "You won't remember anything ever again, and if you do, it will be gone before you know it."_

_The guards picked me up, dragging me into the room next door and strapping me down. Surgical tools lay next to me, gleaming in the light. A cloth was shoved into my mouth. Whatever they were going to do it was going to make me scream. The memories were like shards coming back in painful bursts at certain moments, mainly in sleep. Parts of me which drifted back and dangled in front of me before disappearing before I could fully grasp them._

_Pierce stood at the door, watching me. "Longing." No, not those words. They hadn't used this method in years._

_"Pain."_

_A surgeon entered the room, picking up a scalpel and pushing my head back. I bit the cloth, none of the surgeon's actions were gentle. _

_"Ninety-six."_

_The scalpel touched the skin of my neck and then dug in. I screamed into the cloth. I had to this, for Becky. My sister. I didn't even know I had a sister. I counted the memories, reciting them over and over again in my head. I had to cling to whatever shred of identity I had._

_"Daybreak." _

_The word pounded inside my head as the doctor let go of me, taking a metal device from his pocket. The shocker. It had been thirty minutes now of agony. _

_"Ice."_

_Grey eyes. Becky. That was my sister's name! I wasn't alone in the world, I had a sister. The surgeon inserted something into my neck, linking wires. _

_"Nine."_

_I closed my eyes, trying desperately to remember more of my sister. Her eyes slipped away from me - kind and warm. They slipped from my memory, it was being wiped clean. What was her name again? I reached for another memory, a desperate attempt. Nothing._

_"Cold."_

_Stitches. They were inserted harshly into my neck, pulling at my skin. I couldn't focus on the pain, I had to remember. I searched the darkness, there had to be something. Nothing. There was nothing at all._

_"Homecoming."_

_I screamed again, trying to block out the words. This wasn't me. I had been someone. I was someone. But who? My name... It had begun with Z._

_"One."_

_Another stitch. She was gone, whoever she was. I couldn't remember. Where was I? Who was I? _

_"War." _

_The pain stopped. I stopped searching. There was nothing. I was no one. No more questions. Cold antiseptic touched my skin. I hissed from the sting of it. The surgeons touch was gone. _

_"Soldier?" _

_I let my eyes flutter open. I couldn't move, my neck stiff and throbbing. I was ready. "Ready to comply," I muttered before darkness consumed me._

I woke up startled, coughing and spluttering. I was on the floor. Damn, I'd fallen out of bed. I touched the back of my neck. There was no scar. This was a new memory. HYDRA had put something in my neck...

"I'm glad you're awake," Becky sat in her wheelchair at the end of my bed. "We're having sword fighting lessons!"

"What?" I asked standing up, pulling my vest top down. I was on high alert right now. I had to check out my neck. What was there? What as a shocker? It most definitely had a tracking device. Everyone here was in danger. HYDRA knew where I was.

"Now." Becky was practically bouncing. "Come on! Come on!" She chucked me some trousers and a top. "Be out in ten minutes or I'll send Bucky and Sam in." She smirked at me, wheeling away. She was in danger. I'd fought to protect her, gotten the device so she would be safe.

I stuck my tongue out at her as she left. It didn't take long to get changed. I looked at my neck in the mirror. There was no mark, I couldn't feel anything under my skin. I quickly headed to the living room, trying to leave the uneasy feeling in my stomach in my room.

"Brace your arm for impact," the instructor told Becky as I entered the room. No Bucky in sight. Not that it mattered. I scanned the room for cameras, there were three.

"Wrong," I muttered, picking up a pancake and taking a large bite.

"Excuse me?" The instructor raised an eyebrow at me, looking displeased. He wore a shirt emblazoned with his company name and a pair of loose fitting trousers.

I kept the pancake in my mouth as I swung over. I picked up a sword dropping my right crutch. I waved the sword in the air, performing a block. My bicep tightened, my arms were very toned even underneath the long sleeves of my top. I put the sword between my legs, eating the rest of my pancake.

"And you are?" The instructor held his sword tighter, glaring at me.

"Zoe, you?" I shrugged. I wasn't in a good mood. All I could think of was the device in my neck, what was it?

The instructor straightened, pushing back his hair from his shirt. "Harold Dean the third."

I laughed, choking. "Nice name."

"How dare you insult me!" He stamped his foot.

I laughed again, watching his actions. "Or what?"

"I challenge you to a fight." He flipped his sword in the air, catching it. So he could catch a sword, no biggie.

"Okay." I took the sword from my legs, weighing it in my hand. "Excuse me dear sister, I have a quarrel I must solve." I was a master of martial arts before the serum, after the serum I was lethal.

"Zo!" Becky rolled back.

I stepped in front of her, swirling my sword. "The world champion of back alley sword fighting must sort this man out."

"Oh." The instructor's face paled, shuffling his feet. "I did not know. Can we not consort?" Harold stepped back, his sword shaking. "They say that you are lethal." Man was this guy funny, he was worse than Thor.

Everyone watched me, especially Fury. His hand hovered to his holster, twitching.

"Consort? What, dost thou make us minstrels? If thou makes us minstrels, look to hear nothing but discords. Here's my fiddlestick." I slashed my sword through the air quoting Mercutio. Man I love you Shakespeare.

Laughs erupted around the room as Harold drove his sword forward.

I blocked, looking to Becky. "Like this Becca."

"Zoe will you look what you're doing!" Becky's knuckles had gone white gripping her chair wheels.

I looked back to see Harold slashing. I brought my sword up, disarming him. The room filled with a metal clatter as his sword hit the floor. His eyes fell to the floor and then back up at me.

I pointed my sword at his throat. "In back alley we rarely get survivors who aren't winners." I traced his collar bones with the sword, my pressure not enough to draw blood. "In a real fight, you win or you die, there is no losing." The cold inside of me was surging forward, replacing kindness with hostility and sympathy with harshness.

His eyes widened, the stupid English stereotype was scared. "I am sorry."

"Zoe," Becky's voice was only a whisper but it was enough.

I shook my head. "Good job we're not in a back alley." I lowered my sword. The cold lingered in my limbs but it didn't come back.

"Thank you, dear-"

I raised the sword again. "No Harold, just no."

"I shall leave now." He picked up his sword and ran to the lift, leaving his two other weapons in the room. Oops.

"Zoe Frost what the hell are you doing?" Becky nudged me with her chair. It was a hard ram, she was royally pissed.

"Do you bite your thumb at me dear sir?" I asked innocently.

"You're an idiot. I can't believe you did that, you're not in a back alley anymore he doesn't mean any harm." Becky rolled her eyes, poking my leg with her sword. "You're stupid."

"Yes, Sam is isn't he." I smirked, twisting the sword in my hand.

Becky glared up at me before continuing "How am I supposed to learn how to fight now?"

I stroked the swords edge. Red. It bled slowly from my finger. Damn, I'd cut myself. I sucked my wound. "Me."

"But you fight dirty." Becky crossed her arms, officially pissed.

"But you fight dirty." I stuck my bottom lip out, the cold was back again. "In the real world everyone fights dirty, suck it up sister." It was better to push her away, knowing HYDRA might still have control of me.

"And you'd know that how?" Becky shouted, grey eyes flashing with anger.

"How? I went to war, I saw your husband die before my eyes. I was tortured for information about S.H.I.E.L.D, but guess what I didn't tell," I sighed. "HYDRA forced me into being an assassin. I know the world fights dirty, I've experienced it first hand and in order to survive you have to fight just as dirty back."

Silence settled around us. No one looked at me. I looked at my finger, it had stopped bleeding for now.

"Sorry but you were being a slight bitch." Becky tapped my arm.

"Stop being mean to Sam," I muttered, looking out of the window and not at my sister.

"Don't bring me into this gal, you're going down by yourself," Sam laughed from the sofa. That I was.

I took the sword in two hands. "More strength."

I forced my right leg to bend. "Better stance means you're less likely to fall over and more strength for your blows."

I slashed, the sword moving with ease through the air. "Chest."

I slashed higher. "Decapitation, my favourite. But you have to drive it, or it'll hit the neck bone and get stuck."

"Zoe!" Becky hit me again. "At least let me watch a fight then."

"Anyone?" I scanned the room, the sword hanging by my side. All eyes averted my gaze. "Anyone?"

"I will." Bucky appeared, hair sticking up. He wore a loose red shirt and jeans.

Becky nudged me again, taking my crutch from me. "Have fun, frosty."

"Shut up," I snapped. I swung the sword in a figure of eight. "Alright."

Bucky took Becky's sword, a crooked smile on his face. "I'll go easy on you, doll."

"I won't." I stepped back, slashing close to his face, inches from his cheek.

Bucky didn't flinch, instead his smirk grew wider.

"How are you gonna win?" Fury asked. His hand was no longer near his holster. No risk of casualties now.

I shrugged, blocking a hit from Bucky. And another. "I can't move, so... I'll just block."

A hard hit, our faces inches apart. Black expanded making blue disappear. "So, are we-"

I spun round, hitting his toe with my crutch.

Swords touched again, blue eyes inches from mine. "Together?" He whispered.

"No." I pushed his sword away. I had to push him away, I had to protect him from HYDRA.

"The kiss meant nothing then." Bucky slashed again, it was harder this time.

I parried. "Nothing at all." I slashed. He blocked. "Just adrenaline."

"Alright doll," he whispered. He didn't believe me I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I'd lost my edge in the lying game.

"Shut up snowflake." I slashed his chest. A thin line of flesh showed.

"Wow, undressing me now?" Bucky swapped hands, using his left hand to drive his sword forward. My right cheek stung.

I leapt forward. Red appeared on his right hand. His sword clattered to the floor. I pressed the tip to his throat. Please say that put him off of me.

"No I'm not undressing you, just winning." I smirked, chucking the sword to the floor, limping away with one crutch.

He kept step with me, whispering "Don't forget what I said about pushing."

"Maybe I'm just not interested." Because me kissing you was not me showing interest at all... Well done, Zoe.

I sat down next to Becky. I was fuming. Anger coursed through my veins - that one piece of information in my nightmare this morning and it had made me into even more of a bitch than normal.

"We're going dancing tonight." My sister smiled at me, meeting my gaze.

"Why?" I looked away from her, shaking my head.

"We're going dancing tonight, you love dancing." She was trying, really trying. And here I was being a bitch.

"You are, I'm not. I loved dancing, it's in the past." I stood up, leaving my crutches on the floor and hobbling to my room. I didn't need any help, I didn't need anyone. I had to leave before HYDRA came to collect what they'd lost.

The minute I was out of sight I walked normally, nearly running to my room. I slammed the door shut. But it never clicked into its lock. I turned to see who it was.

"What did you dream about?" Becky sat holding the door open. Her grey eyes weren't angry, they looked sad. "You're in a really bad mood, like worst mood ever, worse than PMS."

I rolled my eyes at her, closing them, I had to remember the purpose of the shocker. "It doesn't matter." I sat on my bed, crossing my legs underneath me.

Her wheels made a little noise on the floor before I felt her hands grasp my right knee, as she looked up at me. "Yes it does."

"Let go," I whispered. Save yourself.

"No, I will not let go." I could feel Becky squeezing my leg.

"Yes."

"Tell me please." Becky took my right hand in hers, squeezing it. Warmth. Comfort. Love. Three things I thought I'd never find again all there in just one motion.

"I remember what they did to me after I rang you." I opened my eyes, looking at Becky, trying to keep it together. To banish the lump in my throat, the burning in my eyes. "I remember the activation words so vividly now. If someone says them then I'll be back to square one. And then they put a shocker in my neck because I told them too. I remember how they did it now."

"Why did you let them put it in you?" Becky asked, keeping a tight hold of my hand.

"I... They were going to kill you, I couldn't remember your name at the time but I knew I had a sister - you - and they said they would kill you so I made a deal with them." I looked away from my sister, shaking my head and standing up. "I hate what they did to me, what they made me into."

"I do too, but at least I have you back now." Becky tipped her wheel chair, hugging my waist.

My left flesh leg gave way. She sprawled on top of me, giggling. She was a petite person but the weight of the wheelchair was a little painful.

"Please get off," I muttered underneath her and the wheel chair. Becky on the other hand was crying with laughter.

"It's not funny." I crossed my arms, unable to move. "I might need my pelvis one day you know. Help!" I yelled, hopefully someone would hear.

"Or very soon," Becky whispered, winking. She looked down at me, a cheeky smile on her face. "Bucky..."

"Ewwww, no." I shuddered. "Now get off of me."

She rested her head on my chest. "I'm comfy."

"I'm not." I huffed, staring up at the ceiling. Plain white and of no interest.

"Grumpy," she muttered.

"Happy," I mumbled back.

"We're going dancing whether you like it or not," Becky mumbled from below my chin. "I don't care."

"No," I groaned as Sam lifted her up. "Take your bloody time..." I glared up at him, propping myself up on my elbows.

Bucky stood with his right hand outstretched, a thin red line on his skin, my crutches in his other hand.

I sighed, taking his hand. There it was again - warmth. "Thank you."

"S'alright, doll," he whispered, looking down at me. "I'll always be here for you."

"Are you a fan of cheese?" I stepped away, taking my crutches from him.

"I can see why one of your nicknames is frosty," Bucky laughed, shrugging off my comment.

"I'll see you tonight, you better show up." Becky smiled at me before following Sam. "You have to."

I sat back on the bed, watching my sister leave. My chest tightened. I would go to the dance, I couldn't let my sister down like that. She wouldn't be here for much longer.

Bucky still stood in my room, watching me. "Going to leave?"

Bucky shook his head, sitting down next to me. "I know you're hiding something, doll. Underneath all of those layers of ice there's the old you, the you before the war and you're pushing her away. I saw a glimpse of her yesterday."

There was no point denying that I was hiding something. I was. "Yeah well that was all you're going to see. She died a long time ago."

"You should talk about it, if not to me then someone. What HYDRA did to you - you don't have to go it alone," Bucky's voice was soft and soothing.

I shook my head, putting my face in my hands. "Some things are better left unsaid, James."

"It'll eat you away inside until there's nothing left unless you say something. I don't want you to say anything now but you need to know that. Just speak about it and don't suffer alone." A hand touched my right knee. Right now I didn't care if he felt the metal, figured me out. He was right. The lump in my throat simply grew in size.

"Stop trying," I mumbled.

"Trying what?" His hand squeezed my knee.

"Trying to save me, I'm too far gone. Trying to see good in me when there is none. You don't deserve to be tied down by someone like me." I looked at Bucky then, really looked at him. The way purple bags hung under his beautiful, piercing sapphire eyes and his hair had split ends. The way stubble ghosted his face and neck and his lips were a wonderful shade of pink.

"Stop trying to save me then, I'm an adult I can make my own decisions - I get to choose who hurts me and who doesn't. I brought you these -" Bucky leant across me and placed two plums on my bedside table from his pocket. "- you only had a pancake for breakfast, and these are good for your memory." And with that he left. Shoulders a little stooped and hands in his pockets. Well done Zoe, within one morning I'd hurt two people who actually gave a damn about me. At least Sharon wasn't here or I'd have hurt her too. I pulled my knees to my chest and felt cold trails fall down my cheeks. The life of a killer was always destined to be a desolate one.

Music blaring from the living room is what woke me up. Not a nightmare for once. I'd slept peacefully for once in what felt like forever. My cheeks were sticky and throat dry. Rebecca needed me and I was going to be there for her - foul mood or not. The mirror showed no remnants of tears as I brushed at my cheeks and took a deep breath. I picked up the plum seeds and chucked them in the bin, grabbing my crutches and swinging into the living room just as the song finished.

Tony stood in the middle of the room with Pepper in his arms. "Friday play heart by heart by Demi Lovato." They looked so happy together, absorbed in each other's gazes.

Sam held Becky's hands as she laughed, grey eyes crinkling at the sides whilst Thor dwarfed Jane in his arms as she smiled up at him. Steve held Sharon, they were both talking, quick exchanges of words that I couldn't catch. Natasha laughed as Clint daddy-danced by himself, well it looked more like he was having a seizure but at least he was trying. And then Vision looked down at Wanda with admiration as she spun around before finding herself back in his arms. Okay, too cute.

Bruce was obviously in his lab, which only left one person... Blue eyes. I frowned, I couldn't find him.

"Can I have this dance, doll?" I turned around. Bucky had his hands outstretched, a small smirk on his face.

"_When your soul finds the soul it was waiting for..."_

I put my crutches to the side, taking his hands. I couldn't hurt him anymore today.

"_When your hand finds the hand it was meant to hold don't let go.._." The irony.

He led my hands to his shoulders as he started to sway to the music off to the side of everyone else. "You know how to dance, doll?"

"Yes." I turned my head to the side. I couldn't look at him. Not at the way he was looking at me right now - as if I hadn't hurt him hours ago.

His hands rested on my hips, the left hand a lighter pressure than the right. I wouldn't break...

"_No, there's no one else's eyes that could see into me..." _

"Stand on my toes, doll." Bucky's cool breath raised goose bumps down my neck as it hit my ear. My heart automatically started to race.

I stood on them, suddenly scared. What was I doing? This wasn't a killer's move, this was something that made me vulnerable.

"I won't let you fall, doll." His breath caused more goosebumps yet his voice in my ear just made my breath hitch in my throat. I found myself reminiscing our kiss yesterday, his lips on mine...

"Okay," I mumbled, unable to form anymore words after that.

"Enjoy hurting me, doll?"

"_When you're touched by the cloud, that has touched your soul, don't let go. When someone comes into your life, it's like they've been in your life forever..." _

"No," I whispered, gripping his shoulders.

"Why do it then?" A single kiss on the cheek. "Why push me away?"

"Because..." Yes Zoe, why?

"Because you're afraid of getting hurt." We swayed some more. "You know when you dance you're supposed to look at your partner, doll."

"I'm good," I muttered. "And you're right." And I don't want to hurt you but I have to.

"Thought so." Bucky spun us around again, his grip on me never faltering.

I went to look at Bucky just as he went to kiss my cheek. My lips touched his. I didn't pull away. Demi Lovato's vocals soared, just like my heart did. Bucky's cologne washed over me again and I found myself losing what little control I had had before he started whispering in my ear.

"_No, there's no one else's eyes, that could see into me. No, there's no one else's eyes, that could see into me. No one else's arms can lift, lift me up so high. Your love lifts me out of time, and you know my heart by heart..."_

Someone wolf whistled.

I just wrapped my arms around Bucky's neck, ignoring whoever it was. Bucky's grip on my hips got tighter and his tongue was at my bottom lip just like yesterday. I parted my lips, putting my hands in his hair. Our lips moved in perfect synchronisation, his taste of coffee now in my mouth. Everything I'd done was completely forgotten. For now.


	11. Chapter 11 - Remember

"Get a room!" was followed by Becky's distinctive giggle.

I let my hands fall from Bucky's hair, slowly pulling my lips away from his and letting my eyes flutter open. I felt like I'd ran a mile, no jumped off of a cliff - out of control but in such a glorious way. I didn't move from Bucky, my breath still intermingling with his, bodies still pressed against each other's.

Bucky's eyelids flashed open to reveal the piercing blue beneath them. Up close there were no signs of imperfections in his eyes, no patches of green just pure, icy blue. "Your eyes look greener when you blush, doll." Bucky laughed, twirling to hide me from the crowd. His muscular build covered me from the eyes of everyone - they'd all stopped dancing.

"Shut up," I muttered. I couldn't look anywhere else other than at Bucky.

"Are you - the hardcore Zoe - embarrassed?" He laughed as the song finished.

"No," I muttered, stepping off of his toes.

"You can't sneak off to your room now, doll." Bucky winked at me, his crooked grin plastered to his face. "It's only six o'clock. So tell me, was that only adrenaline?"

"Mmmm..." I mumbled as Bucky kept my gaze, taking my hands down from his neck and running them down his arms. "I have no idea what that was or what caused it but I do know that it felt right. It was probably the only good thing I've done in a long time." I reached up onto my toes, pressing my lips lightly onto his before pulling away again.

Bucky nodded, smiling. "I knew you hadn't put away your old self, she's right here now." He reached to the side, handing me my crutches.

My phone vibrated. I fished it out of my pocket. "Awwwwwwwwww... Told you so!" The text was from Becky. I stepped to the side, to look at her smirking face. Ridiculous. But it wasn't the only smirking face, everyone was smiling. I'd somehow forgotten how many people were in the room... Dammit.

Steve and Sam looked to Bucky nodding their heads, giving Bucky the thumbs up. Sharon raised an eyebrow at me - she wanted answers. Aha.

"What are we going to do now?" I asked, trying to avoid the entire awkwardness of the situation. I would confront the consequences of it later.

"I don't know, what do you want to do?" Becky looked up at me from her chair, taking my arm and pulling me down to her height before she whispered "Besides Bucky."

I stood back up pretty quickly, shrugging and casting Becky a glare.

"Think -" Becky laughed. "- What would you, Zoe Frost, do?"

I felt my neck tingle at the thought of racing. No. "What do you want to do, Becky?"

"Watch videos of us when we were young. I downloaded them onto my phone." Becky picked up her phone from her lap, waving it at me.

"Fine, sounds good." I shrugged, swinging over to a chair.

"This should be fun," Sam muttered, walking over to a chair next to Becky.

"Remember when you used to jive?" Becky now held a remote for the TV. It was like a cooking show, I'm pretty sure she was going to say 'and here's what I prepared earlier' because she obviously had had this in mind the entire time.

I looked from the plasma screen to Becky. "Yes, not exactly young but..."

Bucky sat down next to me. "You danced?"

"Uh huh." I looked back to the 70 inch screen as a happy girl appeared on screen in a bright red vintage dress. Red lipstick pulled into a smile, highlighting her green eyes. She was laughing, a completely different person - but still me.

Sam whistled. "Wow, what the hell happened to you?"

Upside down by Paloma Faith started to play. This was when I could dance... A title appeared on the screen: jive choreographed by Zoe Frost.

"Come on!" I had giggled dragging Becky to the edge of the dance floor with her camera.

"It's on." I had heard Becky say.

"This is going to be amazing!" I'd laughed, taking my place on the dance floor.

I was vibrant on the TV screen: I clicked along to the beat, nodding my head, other hand on my hip. Male dancers danced towards me. I spun, I twirled, I winked, I danced like there was no tomorrow. I took turns dancing with the other dancers, doing all sorts of lifts. So care free and happy - if only I'd known what was going to happen to me. My red dress spun, a giddy smile on my face, miming to the song. I shook my shoulders, before doing cartwheels, landing in front of the camera.

Red lipstick smudged the lens as the girl giggled.

"Perfect, just like the 40's!" Someone had called.

"You have to teach me how to do that!" Pepper was already standing up, looking at me.

I shook my head, patting my right leg. "I can't, I'm sorry Pepper."

"Oh, I forgot." She sat back down, her face falling.

"Cheer up Pepper." Becky had an evil grin on her face. Oh dear... The only other times I'd seen that was when she was showing my past boyfriends pictures of me when I was little in the bath. "You can see Zoe's tango." This was definitely worse than the rubber duck sinking video...

"No Rebecca." I raised my eyebrow at her.

"Please, you won the championships with it," Becky protested hitting play anyway. E.T began to play by Katy Perry. Oh dear god...I covered my eyes.

Gasps erupted around the room. Shit. I sunk my head lower, peeking over at Bucky. His eyes were glued to the screen, his crooked grin replaced with shock. Dammit. As the music kept playing, Bucky's face changed from shock to something else, his mouth hung open still but his eyes seemed a little more alive. The ladies man had re-entered the building.

I moved my fingers to see the last part of the dance. I hung in my dance partners arms, ending exactly on time. I smiled brightly before taking a bow with him. No flaws, no nothing. Perfect. And that wasn't just the routine. A low cut, dark red dress sparkled under the lights. The slit ran right up my leg ending on my hip - risky didn't even begin to cover the description of the dress. Why the hell had I worn that?

"Well done Zoe!" Someone had shouted on the recording. Peggy, before she went into the care home.

"Hey Peggy." I hugged her, my red dress beautiful under the dance floor lights.

I heard Steve and Bucky gasp. Of course, the knew her...

"That was great by the way... Dancing." Peggy's eyes glazed over. I held her hand on the screen, watching her, biting my lip.

"I was going to dance with Steve... So many people were lost...Steve and Bucky..."

I hugged her again before the video ended, tears in both our eyes. "All lost things come back to us eventually."

"You know Peggy?" Steve asked from Sharon's side. His warm blue eyes were on me, waiting.

"She saved me from drowning when I was little," I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "She was the one who taught me how to dance. That's how I met Sharon, I went to her house every Wednesday for war stories."

"Have you visited her since?" My thoughts flickered to that awful night, I couldn't remember anything but her name - Peggy Carter.

I looked away from Steve, shaking my head. "No. I heard what happened to her though. I wish I could have gone to her funeral. Say my last goodbye. Visit her memorial here, but I haven't yet."

"Why not? What are you waiting for?" Steve and Sharon were both standing. "Let's go to her memorial now."

I couldn't say no without being rude and I couldn't say yes either, I doubt Peggy would be pleased to see me if she was still alive.

"Yes." Becky beamed tugging on Sam's hand.

Bucky stood up, looking down at me.

I nodded my head, technically I wasn't saying yes, no matter how much I needed to scream no.

The only noise in the car was its own engine as Bucky held my hand and I daydreamed out of the window:

_ I lifted myself through the window of the care home, into the room of Peggy Carter. The only safe place I knew at the moment. My limbs ached from running, apart from my right leg. The leg what HYDRA had replaced with a monstrosity. I'd escaped. I was free, for now. Whoever I was..._

_"Who is it?" Echoed from a bed in the middle of the room. _

_"It's me Peggy?" I quietly tiptoed to the end of the bed. At least that's who I thought I was. _

_"Zoe," she smiled, sitting up in bed. She was so frail now, that much I remembered. Zoe... So that was my name. Zoe, it didn't feel familiar at all. A simple label to a face I barely knew._

_"Hey." I smiled from the darkness, she couldn't see me like this. Whipped, shot at, cut and bruised. Hair plastered to my face and fear in my eyes._

_"Let me see you properly." Peggy reached for the light. _

_"No, don't Peggy, please." I reached forward, my gloved hand dripping on the bed. Beads of red stained the covers of her duvet._

_"What's wrong Zoe?" Her smile vanished, the stern, strong-willed Peggy Carter now sat in front of me, brown eyes staring into mine._

_"HYDRA," I whispered into the darkness. _

_"Are they here?" Peggy asked, eyes darting around the room. _

_"No, I've lost them for now." I went and sat down next to her. The sudden comfort was bliss, the weight off of my legs. My sides ached - broken ribs protesting against my position._

_"Zoe..." Peggy whispered, her hand lightly touching my bruised cheek. "What did they do to you?" Sadness. It was so loud in her quiet voice. _

_"I went to war and they captured me, there was an explosion and I lost my leg, they replaced it - I think, I don't know... I didn't know my name until a minute ago." I shuddered, touching my right leg. _

_Peggy's face was serious as she spoke "You're not under their control are you?" _

_"No." I shook my head. Pain laced my spine from where I had been shocked. _

_"Do you remember?" She asked, holding my cheeks. _

_"Only you at the moment, that's why I came here." I shrugged. Pain. I winced. _

_"Okay." Peggy opened a drawer by her bedside. "Take this and come back when you're safe." Cool metal met my palm, she'd given me her gun. "Now go, you have to keep running."_

_"Thank you." I stood up just as the door opened. A man all in black - an assassin. I shot him in the chest before jumping out of the window. I didn't even think about it then. The trigger a mere extension of my finger, the weapon a part of me._

"You alright?" Bucky squeezed my hand as the car stopped. It was late evening outside, the light fading in the distance.

"Yes." I smiled at him. No.

I swung through the garden, the smell of pollen and fresh earth hitting me. The last time I'd seen Peggy...

"_Margret is this way." A nurse nodded at me. "After the whole invader thing a week ago, she's still a little shaken up. Someone entered, left a few blood stains, we traced them to-" _

_"Is Peggy alright?" I interrupted him. _

_"Yes she's fine." He glared at me, opening her door. Douche. Then again, I had interrupted him._

_"Zoe!" Peggy instantly smiled. "You're alright!" _

_I shook my head, mouthing "Still alive, for now." _

_ I hugged her, the nurse shutting her door._

_"Does anyone know?" Peggy whispered into my ear. _

_"No," I whispered back, pulling away and sitting down next to her bed. "I barely know who I am. It's been a week and all I have are thousands of puzzle pieces that aren't in any specific order."_

_"You can't keep it in," Peggy said, settling back into her covers. "They'll find out. Tell someone sweetheart." _

_"I don't know Peggy. I don't have anyone right now." I shook my head, taking her hand. "It comes back in snippets - dreams, flashbacks - triggered or not. It's stabbing and painful, knowing what I've done, learning what I've done. I don't want to know anymore."_

_"You can't blame yourself for what happened." Peggy squeezed my hand. "You need to remember the good parts of your life before the bad parts eat away at you. I told Sharon you'd meet her for lunch today after visiting me, she's in town. She's your best friend..." Peggy had told me about my friendship with Sharon, about Becky, my past and helped me fill in the gaps. She was there for me when I had no one else._

Her memorial was in the centre of the memorial garden, a beautiful design made of marble standing strong and proud just like she had. So many flowers had been laid at the bottom of the cenotaph of all different colours. Roses, violets, lilies, sunflowers. I felt bare without anything to put down, to give, after all she'd given to me. I would still be on the run if Peggy hadn't of explained who I was.

A man put down a bunch of flowers, mumbling a prayer to the deceased. He wore rugged jeans yet a smart blazer - black hair gelled back.

I set down my crutches on the floor, looking down at the marble stating Peggy's name. "Compromise where you can. Where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say 'No, you move'. You were right Peggy, I should have done that from the start." I should have fought HYDRA, escaped not simply complied.

The nurse looked at me, those eyes I'd seen those before. It was the same nurse who had seen me visit Peggy all of those years ago. "You were there the night HYDRA came to the home. We thought they were going to kill her until we realised it was you they wanted." He words were so clipped and angry. "Another one came after you, they killed my fiancé to make a statement: everywhere Miss Frost goes she leaves death, everything she touches is damaged and killed."

"I didn't hurt Peggy, I would never hurt her. As for your fiancé, I'm sorry." I left my crutches on the floor. "I can't bring her back but I'm so-"

"I don't want your apologies monster, that won't bring her back." The man clenched his fists. "Just tell me: was it you they wanted dead?"

"It was me, yes. That night HYDRA chased me through the streets, through London." I kept his gaze, I owed him that much.

Blue, brown, grey and green eyes stared at me. The others stood back from me, watching the scene unravel. What the hell was I saying?

"I escaped from HYDRA, I didn't know where to go." I shrugged - the gesture instantly feeling wrong given the circumstances. "I was scared, I couldn't remember who I was, or anything. They tried to drown me, so I remembered Peggy saving me. I went to the only place I thought was safe."

"Safe for you but no one else, I suppose it won't matter to you that Daisy died because you've killed hundreds of people but it matters to me, murderer - I blame you for her death." The man stepped away from the cenotaph and walked away into the distance.

Murderer. That was the first thing I had remembered. Their deaths. My hands killing them. Every single person I'd ever killed smashing into me like a freight train. Their screams. Their looks. Each one of them branded into my mind. I didn't know my name at that point but I knew who I was: a killer.

"What did HYDRA do to you?" Becky's voice broke my thoughts.

I looked to her, shaking my head. "I... They... You don't want to-" my voice croaked. " - Know. Excuse me." I picked up my crutches, swinging further into the garden, weaving between the gravestones. Why had I stopped running? Hiding? Staying to see Sharon had been a mistake. I should have kept going, stayed in the darkness where I belonged.

A fallen tree blocked my path. I stopped. I still had Peggy's gun, tucked safely in my trousers, hidden just like my leg.

"What did they do to you, doll?" A husky voice sounded beside me. I hadn't heard him follow me, but he was a soldier he was meant to be silent, or maybe I didn't want to admit it to myself that I wasn't alone. It only made it more unbearable being so vulnerable near someone else, dragging them down with me.

"I... You can't tell anyone." I looked to Bucky. I could feel the tears starting, slowly making trails down my cheeks, cold lines in the evening air.

"I promise I won't tell a soul, Zoe." Bucky wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I dropped my crutches, I didn't need them after all.

"I lost my right leg in the fall the day Becky's husband died, HYDRA replaced it after they found me in the snow, it's like your arm. That's why they ambushed our squad in the first place - they wanted me." I pulled Bucky closer, the tears falling faster. "I was the winter soldier mark 2 after you left them, I was going to be bet-" my voice cracked again as I broke down sobbing.

"Hey, hey, I'm here." Bucky stroked my back, resting his chin on my head. "I know what it's like, doll." His arms were the only thing holding me together right now - warmth and comfort. A safe place.


	12. Chapter 12 - Unconditionally

I was quickly falling apart. Each brick in my stupid wall I'd built was crumbling. I felt the same way I had when I stared at my apartment wall - covered in post- stick notes, pictures, newspaper articles - overwhelmed and hopelessly lost. They had been little pieces of my identity that I slowly pieced together for two years, I'd scribbled furiously, trying desperately to figure out who I had been, who I was.

"I need to leave, I have to keep running," I muttered, pushing my hair out of my face, stepping away from Bucky. The same adrenaline which had made me run from Peggy's room that night I had escaped HYDRA now rushed through my veins. "I remembered they can still track me the other night - I'm putting everyone in danger. I have to keep running. They'll find me."

"No you don't." Bucky reached forward and grabbed my hands, stopping me from going any further back. "No more running, doll. You can't run forever."

I stood still, staring down at his metal hand holding my own before looking back up at Bucky. "But-"

"You saved Peggy's life Zoe, you're here for Becky now." He squeezed my hands. "There's strength in numbers."

I looked down from his blue gaze, taking my hands out of his. I didn't know. "I killed people. Innocent people. I'm a monster."

"So did I, doll." Two cool fingers were underneath my chin making me look up. "All we can do is remember them."

I nodded, still unable to look away from Bucky. Any more thoughts of running disappeared like smoke in the wind. Bucky was right in spite of everything. I couldn't run forever.

"I'm here for you, doll." A small smile spread across his face. They were words he seemed to repeat over and over again. Maybe one day they would sink in...

"Will you stop with the nickname, Metallica." I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"Only when you finally let me in." Bucky smirked, letting go of my chin.

"Zoe?" Sharon was motioning for me to come back, blonde hair blowing in the wind.

"Coming," I muttered, looking to Bucky once before hobbling back to where everyone else stood in front of the cenotaph.

I swallowed, there was a lot of tension in the air. It clogged it, no one looked at me and nobody spoke. What would Peggy say if she was here?

"So what are you going to do tomorrow, Becky?" Sam smiled down at my sister.

"I'm going to go racing." Becky beamed. She didn't turn to look at me.

"No." I shook my head, stepping around her wheelchair so I could see her face. "No," I repeated with more emphasis.

"Why not?" Bucky asked, still looking at my sister.

"It's dangerous!" I couldn't believe this. It was ridiculous.

"And?" Becky chimed. "It'll be fun!" This was a complete reversal of roles since the last time we'd been racing, before the crash...

"No." I crossed my arms.

"Yes." Becky looked to me then - lips set in a thin line and her arms crossed as well. Her mind was set I knew that much, I couldn't change it."

"I don't see what your problem is Zoe, you've never lost a race." Sharon touched my arm, catching my gaze.

"I don't race anymore," I grumbled.

"Sure you don't, I mean you're car's fixed but you don't want to drive it. I know why you won't drive anymore and it's not your leg. It's me. Well I'm human and I break but that's part of living. I chose to get in your god damn car and I chose not to wear my seatbelt after you told me countless times to out it on. It's my fault I'm in a wheelchair, I know Aaron blamed you and for the first few weeks I did too but I don't and I never should have blamed you because it was never your fault, Zoe." Becky shook her head. "Please?" She was trying to do puppy dog eyes.

"No Rebecca, I refuse to put you in that kind of danger again. My fault or not. It's idiocy."

"Oh my god!" Becky shouted. "You can't just answer my dying wish, can you?" She covered her mouth as soon as she said it. Grey eyes met mine - wide and panicked.

"No, I guess I can't." I shrugged, keeping her gaze, venom dripping from my voice. "Who knows, you could end up dying sooner rather than later if we went racing."

"Ladies." I looked to Steve. He'd slipped out of his reverie and turned his gaze to the both of us.

"What?" We both answered.

"Take her racing, but only have Sam and the other Avengers as your opponents." Sharon's face kept my gaze as she smiled - I knew what that meant: suck it up and just do it. "Besides it'll be fun, frosty. Trust me you need some fun, or you're going to become the boring English stereotype."

"Stark has a race track." Sam smirked. "Besides I don't think frosty understands fun." Brilliant, another unwanted nickname.

"Fine," I mumbled, arms crossed, voice low. "But on one condition."

"Name it." Sharon raised an eyebrow.

I looked up at the setting sun. "We race at night."

"Yay!" Becky cheered.

I rolled my eyes.

"You!" The male nurse stumbled across a grave before he stood in front of me, reaching into his pocket. "I need justice for Daisy's death." I stared down the barrel of a gun. The male nurse stood shaking slightly as he threatened me. "I'm going to kill you. I-I know who you are."

I frowned. "Who am I?"

"You killed my family. I wanted to see if you remembered them earlier but you didn't, not even Daisy. You-"

"Sir, I think you have the wrong person." Sharon stepped forward, holding her hands up.

"Sharon no, let him speak." I held up my hand for my friend to fall silent. She nodded, eyes flickering between the nurse and me.

"You smashed my son's skull and..." A tear slid down the man's cheek, the gun shaking even more.

I remembered. His sister was a S.H.I.E.L.D agent... Had been. I'd killed her too but first I'd made her watch me kill her nephew and niece that she'd been babysitting. I stepped closer to the man, his gun now pressing against my chest. "And I slit your daughter's throat and tortured your sister for information. I remember," I whispered into his ear. The others couldn't hear of my sins, not yet. I couldn't lie to him.

"I didn't expect you to confess..." He clicked the gun, bullet now in place.

"Put the gun down, please." I gripped my crutches, stepping back from him. "I don't do that anymore." What to do...

"I'm going t-to k-kill you," he stammered.

I leant on my crutches. "You don't sound so sure."

"Put the gun down please, sir." I looked to see an ageing man in a neat suit. I'd been so absorbed in the situation I hadn't seen him approach from behind the nurse.

A thud sounded as the gun was dropped.

"Coulson?" Steve nodded. They'd been told he was alive a few years ago after the anger had subsided everyone was just glad that Coulson was still alive. HYDRA had given me that information... It just stumbled out of the darkness of my mind.

"Hello, captain." The man smiled before handcuffing the nurse and leading him away. Who had called the Calvary?

"Did you know him?" Becky asked, wheeling up to me.

I watched the nurse being led away. It was my fault. It seemed like everything was my fault. "No," I lied. "I'm going to head back to the car. I'll see you there."

"Wait up, doll." Bucky.

"Take my car, Bucky." Steve handed Bucky his car keys. "We'll meet you back at the tower." The Captain's beetle - the infamous getaway car - well it suited the cap I suppose, both of them being relics and all.

I swung in front of Bucky - I didn't want a conversation. I didn't want to talk about feelings. It made me feel too weak, out of control. Life wasn't going to get any easier I guess but I could get stronger.

The Beetle beeped once and I clambered into the passenger seat. Bucky climbed into the car, he said nothing as he pulled away, metal hand glinting on the wheel. It was an unsettling silence considering what I'd just told him.

"I killed Stark's parents I doubt you could have done worse." Bucky whispered, his hair hung in his eyes and his eyes focused on the road. "December 16th, 1991."

"I... I killed -" the guilt choked me "- I killed children, hundreds of children, my final mission before I escaped was... A child. She was six. I gained her trust and then... Her parents the Secretary of State and her husband... I made them think that their daughter killed herself. That nurse back there, his sister was a S.H.I.E.L.D agent so I killed his two children in front of her and then tortured his sister for information. I'm a monster."

"They tell you it wasn't your fault, that you had no choice, but... You still did it," Bucky sighed, the Beetle joining onto the main road. "The nightmares aren't just figments of your imagination, they're part of your life that you experienced."

"Everyone is so desperate for you to remember but you don't want to remember all of the awful things you've done, which only makes it harder." I kept my gaze out of the window, my voice unsteady and patchy.

"I had that but the worst part were the activation words - I had no control over my own mind, over who I was. I couldn't trust myself."

"Did they cure you?" I whispered, clenching my hands in my lap.

"Yes. You have your own set of words, don't you?" Bucky was looking at me as we came to a stop at some traffic lights.

"Yes, and I'm not cured." I kept Bucky's blue gaze, my voice steady and even. "Like I keep telling you - I'm dangerous. A ticking time bomb just waiting to go boom. I don't want you or any one else to be collateral damage. I'll stay for Becky, but once she's gone..." I took a deep breath. "Then so am I, it's safer for everyone. I don't have a good enough reason to stay and endanger everyone."

"Where will you go?" Bucky's eyes were back on the road as we neared the tower.

"Far, far away where I can't hurt anyone."

Bucky let out a deep breath. "You'll always be hurting someone no matter how far you go."

"Oh really? Who?" I snapped. Everything had just piled up and now I was taking it out on him.

"Yourself." Bucky's voice held no venom - it was matter-of-fact and certain. The word struck me harder than I expected. I couldn't say anything because as usual Bucky was right. He didn't say anymore, his hands gripping the wheel and his jaw clenched. I would be hurting someone other than myself though - I would be hurting Bucky.

As soon as the engine in the Beetle stopped I was out of the car. I carried my crutches under my arm, striding towards the tower lift.

"Will you just wait a minute."

I slowed down slightly as I entered the lift. I didn't acknowledge that Bucky had asked me to stop.

Bucky chuckled as he entered the lift. An odd action considering what we'd just spoken of.

"What?" I asked.

"Just remembering a scene in a movie," he mumbled.

I turned to look at him, eyebrow raised. "Care to elaborate?"

"Darcy - a friend of Jane's - Pepper and Sharon introduced Steve and I to Fifty shades of grey." His smirk grew wider.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my god. I bet that was fifty shades of Steve Rogers."

"You have no idea, doll," Bucky laughed, taking a step towards me.

I leant my crutches on the wall, taking a shaky step forward towards him. "Are you going to hit the button or are we just going to stand in here all day?"

Bucky shook his head. No.

Another step.

The song changed in the elevator. Unconditionally by Katy Perry.

Another step, only a breath of air separated us.

"_Oh no, did I get too close? Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?" _

"I'm guessing you remembered the elevator scene?" I looked up into his blue eyes as I reached around him to hit the button to close the doors.

"_All your insecurities. All the dirty laundry. Never made me blink one time." _

"I guess so, doll. And I also remembered something else from the 40's: a gal, her name was Dot and we were waiting in a lift and then she kissed me. Damn was she good." Bucky kept my gaze, watching my reaction.

I felt a pang of jealousy hit me. Why? "She might still be alive, you should go and find her."

"Nah, she was just one of many. The uniform was like a magnet for women." Bucky shrugged.

"I'm sure it would still be now. There's hundreds of girls in the world you could have any one of them." I shrugged.

Bucky kept my gaze - blue on green - it spoke a hundred words that neither of us dared to say. "They don't understand me, what I've been through. I know someone who does though."

"James, stop." I put my hands on his chest. "Please."

"Answer me one question?" Bucky reached up and brushed a lock of hair behind his ear, exposing his square jawline. "Why do you get to decide who you hurt?"

"Because I have to live with the guilt and that's why I'm leaving." I stared down at my hands on his broad chest - chipped nails and thin layers of scars decorated my ivory skin.

"You can't blame yourself, Zoe. And I won't let you run."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "You can't do that! You can't let HYDRA near you again, you can't get attached to me because when they take control of me - and they will - I will try to kill you and you'll have no choice but to kill me. You can't hesitate with the trigger, you can't think for a second too long, you'll have to kill me. Goodbye is the only way, Bucky. It's best for everyone."

Bucky leant closer to me. "There's no changing your mind is there, doll?"

"No."

"Give me a chance to persuade you? Just one, doll." What could he possibly do to change my mind?

I nodded, letting my hands fall from his chest.

Bucky took my hands in his. "Stay." And his lips were on mine - gentle, slow. There was no desperation to the kiss, it was slow and sensual. His right flesh hand touched my cheek. Electricity rushed through my lips. What was he doing?!

I pulled away - lips slowly coming apart - my breathing was rushed. "James... Don't do this, please."

"Zoe, don't do this to yourself." Those brilliant blue eyes, his voice, his touch, everything about him made me want to stay. I didn't want to leave whatever 'this' was behind. But I had to. "I can't let you leave."

"_Unconditional, unconditionally. I will love you unconditionally."_

I stepped back as I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. "Why?"

His blue eyes were inches from my own so breathtakingly beautiful. "Because I love you, doll."

I pressed my lips to his, whatever slowness that had been in the first kiss had disappeared as we clung to each other.

"_There is no fear now. Let go and just be free. I will love you unconditionally." _

His lips were tender against mine, yet needy. I wound my fingers into his brown hair as my back touched the elevator wall. His smell of coffee and cologne washed over me; Bucky's hands now gripped my hips, holding me up.

"_Come just as you are to me. Don't need apologies, know that you are worthy."_

His tongue grazed my lower lip. I let him in. My hands stuck in his hair, our lips a hot mess.

"_I'll take your bad days with your good. Walk through the storm I would do it all because I love you, I love you." _

I loved Bucky Barnes. It was a small whisper in the back of the mind but I heard it so clearly - a crisp note. And that was my reason to stay. Bucky had only needed one chance...

"_Unconditional, unconditionally. I will love you unconditionally. There is no fear now. Let go and just be free. I will love you unconditionally." _

The lift pinged, the doors were opening. Bucky didn't seem to be pulling away. Neither did I. We were going to get caught.

"_So open up your heart and just let it begin. Open up your heart and just let it begin." _

"This is what happens when we leave you two alone for a few minutes." A grin was definitely in Sam's voice. Shit.

Bucky slowly pulled away. The darkness of his pupils pushing away the blue of his eyes. "Oops." He flashed me a brilliant grin.

I reached for my crutches. Shit, just out of reach.

"_Open up your heart and just let it begin. Open up your heart." _

"Looking for these?" Bucky laughed, handing me the crutches.

I took the crutches, nodding. If I'm honest my lips were pounding slightly and a little sore...

"_Acceptance is the key to be, to be truly free. Will you do the same for me?" _

Everyone filtered into the lift. I still had eye contact with Bucky as we stood adjacent to everyone else.

"_Unconditional, unconditionally. I will love you unconditionally. And there is no fear now, let go and just be free." _

"You're terrible," I muttered.

"But you love me," Bucky whispered.

I kept his blue gaze, trying to keep my voice steady. "I guess I do, snowflake. So I'll guess I'll stay, for now."

Bucky leant down, lips brushing my ear. "All you needed was a reason, doll."

"I found one," I murmured back.

"'_Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah). I will love you (unconditionally). I will love you. I will love you unconditionally." _

Bucky smirked before kissing me again. Lightly and swiftly.

Becky started to giggle.

I just smiled - a large grin which hurt my cheeks but I couldn't stop it. Even in this unclear mess, I knew one thing. I was uncontrollably, unconditionally in love with Bucky Barnes, falling like a snowflake, hopefully I wouldn't hit the ground.


	13. Chapter 13 - Racing

The lift had been silent until Becky started singing. Until everyone (yes even Steve, Sam and Sharon) were singing apart from Bucky and me. "Bucky and Zoe sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the-"

"Are you really that immature?" I snapped from behind them. It wasn't because the song annoyed me but because of the mention of children. I couldn't bear the thought of them - their innocence faces marred with horror as they screamed, a high pitched, haunting sound.

"Who are you racing with, frosty?" Sam asked from beside Becky.

"I'll choose when I get there." I reached for Bucky's metal hand, weaving my fingers between his. He seemed startled, his whole arm tensing before his hand gripped mine.

"Zoe?" Becky turned to look at me, her plait slipping over her shoulder.

"Yes dear sister?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Can I race with Sam?" She looked scared as she asked me. In all honesty I was glad she'd asked, I didn't want her in the car with me. Not after everything...

"Yes, but you'll have to prepare to lose." I smirked. Another wave of relief washed over me as she laughed, thank god she'd asked that.

"Really?" Sam looked back at me, brown eyes catching my gaze. "Do you still have a vendetta against me?"

"Watch your wing mirrors," I laughed. "I won't try to kill you if Becky's in the car though. So I guess you're safe. For now."

Electricity shot up my arm. I looked to my left to see Bucky, he was tracing patterns on my hand with his thumb. He smiled, giving me a wink. I smiled back.

"Okay so this is the plan," Tony announced as he stood at the front of the room. He wore a Black Sabbath t-shirt and some worn jeans. The lights of the city flooded through the window behind him, casting a large shadow of the iron man onto the floor. "I'll race in my Ferrari with Bruce... Okay not Bruce Bruce tells me, looks like I'll be going solo. Sam shall race with Becky in the Bugatti. Steve will race with Sharon in the Porsche. Darcy will race with Jane in the Lamborghini - you two seriously be careful, I'm contemplating letting Thor attempt to drive right now because Darcy, well you're crazy."

Darcy stuck out her tongue at Stark, shaking her head. "I prefer mentally hilarious, Tony, don't make me get my taser." Thor chuckled, looking to Darcy - there was definitely a story to go with the taser...

Tony rolled his eyes, looking over to the two assassins. "Natasha shall race with Clint in the Zonda. And last but not least Zoe is apparently racing alone in her Aston Martin DB9. No criminal activities please, you're surrounded by quite a few superheroes." Stark kept my gaze - he meant what he said.

"I'll try to be good." It's a shame I didn't.

Stark turned his attention the rest of the group. "Please can I remind you to not break any of the cars if you're borrowing them, I may be a billionaire but the way I stay a billionaire is by not spending my money on replacing my cars every few months. Yes, Bucky I'm looking at you - you broke my car after I let you practice driving in it. And no, the wall didn't move." Stark glared at Bucky, laughing.

Bucky shrugged, chuckling. The stool he sat on was dwarfed by him - the winter soldier was a wall of muscle himself I'm pretty sure if a car hit him right now it would come off worse.

"I'm not using that Aston, I'm using my Aston Martin One-77." I smirked from my seat beside Fury, of all people. "It's faster."

Fury looked to me, raising an eyebrow. He still didn't trust me. One of two of the smart people here - Steve and Fury didn't trust me - smart move.

"Cheat," Sam muttered from across the room.

"I'll give you a head start then." I leant back in my seat.

"I don't need a head start, all you're going to see is my boot as I speed away," he chuckled from beside Becky. She watched him, a smile in her eyes. I knew that look, she was falling for him.

"I don't even think you'll see my boot as I leave you to eat my dust." I hit back.

"We're racing in the dark on a race track. Please tell me how there will be dust." Sam stood up.

I stood up too. "It's a metaphor, dear Watson," I answered, sliding my crutches onto my arms.

"Go solve a case, Sherlock." Sam crossed his arms over his chest. I was pretty sure he spends his spare time in the gym seen as though he's friends with two beef-cake super soldiers.

"It would appear you are no longer in control of this situation. Due to you crossing your arms, isolating yourself from the situation at hand, in the hopes of no longer being involved." I laughed before swinging towards him. "And I'm solving the case because you haven't got the brains to."

"Ladies, are you finished?" Stark asked from the front.

"I think we were just taking this outside actually." I motioned to the door with my crutch. "Ladies first, Sam."

"You wouldn't stand a chance in a fight against me, gal." Sam motioned to himself as he walked over to me.

"Oh really?" I smiled sweetly, everyone watching.

"Yes really." He was inches from me.

I hit him in the back of the knee with my crutch causing him to kneel. I let my crutches hang on my arms as I leant on his shoulders spinning around so I was behind him, dropping one crutch and using the other to press against his neck. Each of my hands were at one end of the crutch, hovering above his shoulders. I pulled back slightly with the crutch, exposing Sam's throat. "You were saying what exactly?"

"You don't stand a chance," Sam laughed, standing. I was dangling in midair as he started shaking.

I tightened my grip on the crutches. Okay, what to do now? I used the crutch to swing around and hang from his front.

"You still hangin' on?" Sam laughed.

"Yes," I squeaked as he started to spin around, arms out by his sides. I was now horizontal with the motion.

All I could hear was people laughing. My only option right now: don't let go. Okay if this went wrong. It would hurt. If that wasn't fairly obvious. Okay... All I had to do was get my crutch hooked under his arm so I could spin and land on the floor. Then if that worked, hopefully, I would trip him and he would fall over. No, he might land on me. I would flip him instead. Easy right? Easier said then done more like. Oh well... Here goes.

"Gonna let to? 'Cause I can do this all day." Sam looked down at me, his smirk far too wide.

Okay, time to act. I twisted my crutch slightly. I let go, quickly grabbing it and hooking it under his arm. I spun round, coccyx roughly connecting with the floor, dropping my crutch. I planted my feet on his lower back and kicked. Sam sprawled forward. I placed my hands behind my head, flicking my legs towards my head, then kicking up I landed on one leg. Ninja style. "I think I do stand a chance." I wobbled slightly, grinning. "Which you know is funny, considering standing is an issue for me."

Everyone laughed.

"Will you stop!" I looked to see Becky picking up my crutches, her face crossed between laughter and anger.

"He started it." I pointed at Sam on the floor. "I was just finishing it. I'm innocent."

"Until proven guilty. Here." Becky handed me the crutches, rolls her eyes.

I took them, swinging away.

"Where are you going?" Becky asked.

I stopped, looking back over my shoulder. "To get my car, I'll meet you at the track."

The others were heading to the track whilst I had gone to collect "my" car. My beautiful baby. My beautiful red car which I had decided to borrow - meaning I would return it - therefore not stealing. It glinted in the streetlights outside of the hotel, stunningly bright in the darkness. Mine for the taking. I'd seen it on the drive back to the tower with Bucky.

The owner had gone inside, the valet's back was turned. I pulled up my hood, pushing my sunglasses further up my nose, and dashed into the car. My crutches had been abandoned a few streets ago. I closed my eyes as the sound of the engine flooded through me. The owner had left the keys in the ignition. It was really just a written invitation. I pushed it into first gear quickly hitting the accelerator and letting the clutch up as I raced away. The valet's face paled and the owner came running out - arms waving. Whoops...

I listened to the engine purr as I easily put it into fourth gear. This was a beautiful car. I let myself get lost in its noise, letting the roar fill my ears as I pushed the speedometer needle further to the right. That was until my phone began to ring.

I pulled it out of my pocket, hitting loud speaker and resting it onto my lap. "Hello?"

"Come on Zoe, we're waiting for you!" It was Becky.

"I'm on my way," I laughed before hanging up.

Time to drive. It took less than five minutes to get there, the engine growling at me the entire time.

I beeped as I parked up by the fan stand, which didn't really consist of very many fans, but still...Vision, Wanda, Fury and Rhodey. Bruce stood up, as I opened my window. "The racing line's over there." He pointed to the checkered line.

"Just picking up a fossil." I smirked through the open window. I revved the engine. "Are you getting in or not Bucky?"

"Funny, doll, real funny," Bucky laughed, sliding into the car.

"I know I'm hilarious," I chuckled, beeping again before pulling up at my starting position. Last. Oh well that would change soon enough.

"You know what you're doing, right?" Bucky was gripping the seat.

"Yes, and you might want to put your seatbelt on." I motioned to the belt before resting my hands back on the wheel.

"What about you?" Bucky asked, not moving to put on the belt.

"I'm a super soldier, I don't need one," I laughed.

"So am I." He raised his eyebrow.

"Fine." I clicked my belt into place. "Happy now?"

Bucky nodded and put his seatbelt on.

"About time, frosty." It was Becky's voice, but where from?

Bucky rummaged in his pocket, producing a radio.

"What do you want to say?" I grinned, taking the communication device. "Hi Becky, ready to lose?"

"Hell no gal, are you prepared to lose?" Sam.

"You shouldn't talk to yourself Sam," I laughed before handing the radio back.

"ON YOUR MARKS! GET SET!"

"Ready?" I asked Bucky looking away from the road ahead.

He nodded, hair falling into his eyes.

"GO!"

The engine roared as I floored it. Changing gear, I turned into the first bend. Third out of six. Not good enough.

"Shit," Bucky mumbled under his breath as I drifted around another corner.

"You alright?" I asked, spinning the wheel into the next bend and changing gear. Second place.

"Fine." Was that all I got? I rolled my eyes as we came onto the straight. I was in the lead and everyone else was long gone. 200mph.

"Where did you get this?" Bucky asked, eyes drinking in the interior of the car. It was mahogany and leather - a beautiful design.

"Borrowed it." Damn Sam, he was catching and fast.

"Hmmmm... Did you now?" Bucky raised his eyebrow.

I looked to him. "Yep."

Bucky shook his head. "Will you watch were you're driving, doll?"

"Calm down," I laughed, letting my eyes settle back onto the road.

"You know borrow means you'll give it back, princess." Looks like I was being a royal pain in the arse again.

"I have the wholesome intentions of giving it back." I smiled, batting my eyelashes.

"You better," Bucky warned. "Or I'll hand you to the cops myself."

I just laughed as cheers rose from the fan stand as I raced across the finish line and drifted to a stop.

I looked over to see a rather pale Bucky. "Don't be sick in my car. You're a super soldier, get a grip, Metallica."

"You mean in your not so yours, borrowed car," he corrected me whilst sitting up in his seat. "Which you have the wholesome intentions of returning."

I smirked, adrenaline igniting my veins. "Whatever, let's-"

A police siren cut me off before a yell sounded "COPS!" Damn it.

I looked out of the window. Fury was looking right at me as he waved his phone at me. The bastard. I glared at him, slipping my glasses up with just my middle finger. Hopefully he got the message.

"Hold on Bucky, this is going to get interesting," I smirked at him before quickly reversing and flooring it around a corner. "Adrenaline here we come!"

Bucky didn't look sick anymore instead he was frowning. "But we can explain-"

"I'm not supposed to be driving, I had my license taken away." I turned sharply out of the race track. "Fury told the cops I was driving which means I'm breaking the law."

"Oh dear," Bucky squeaked. "You're terrible."

"But you love me," I whispered.

"Zoe!" Made Bucky jump as Becky screamed into the radio. Shit.

"You don't know it's me that attracted them." Feign innocence, or at least try to, until proven guilty. So all I had to was not get caught.

"Believe me, I do." She didn't sound very happy...

The screeching of tires was getting closer and so was the sound of sirens. God the police in america were bad drivers.

"Wow, that Brit hasn't even been here a full week yet and she's going to get arrested," Tony commented on the radio as well.

I sighed, he was right.

"Hello? Bucky?" Steve.

"Hey Steve, urrrr... How do I say this?" Bucky glanced at me for help. I shrugged, screeching round a corner, bordering 99mph. Cars moved out of the way and beeped at me.

"It's not what it looks like," I said.

"Really?" Steve asked. "'Cause it looks like a hell of a lot of cop cars are chasing you."

I rolled my eyes. No shit Sherlock.

"Pass the radio to Zoe please Bucky." That was Becky.

"I'm driving and it's dangerous to be on a communications device whilst driving." I weaved between two taxis.

Bucky chuckled at my comment.

"Put the radio next to her ear, Bucky," Becky commanded. "Zoe?"

"Yes?" I answered as the radio was held near my ear. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Driving."

"Oh really. How fast are you going?"

"I can't count that far," I replied innocently. Becky was most likely glowering right now. "Shit we got stingers! See you in a bit Becky! Turn the radio off Bucky, no not that button, the other one. Jesus Christ, give it here!" I took the radio chucking it out of the window. It was off now. "We need an escape plan." And we need it now, but I didn't mention that part.

"Go down an alley and we'll hide somewhere." Bucky was clinging on for dear life. Quite honestly I didn't blame him. This wouldn't look good for him if he got caught, I hadn't thought this through. Any of it. I was dragging him down with me. I couldn't do that.

"Right, get ready to get out," I told him as I took my seatbelt off. "And don't leave anything behind."

"Yes, ma'am." Bucky saluted me taking his seatbelt off. Oh dear... Please work, please.

"Okay..." I drove round the corner. Avenger tower. Shit.

"Wave Bucky!" I laughed, driving past. Man, I hadn't had this much fun in years. "Okay, we're going to get out soon." I turned sharply down an alley and hit the brake.

"NOW!" I started to run in one direction, dropping my hoody and sunglasses in a bin. Bucky was running the other way. I ran over to him and grabbed his left hand.

"Come on this way!" I yanked his hand only to be pulled the way he was going. Towards a door.

"In here," Bucky laughed as he opened the door and pulled us inside, shutting it behind him. Our chests touched, we were flush again each other in such a tight space. I couldn't move away from him. Damn. I could feel my heart racing against his own.

"We might be here for a while, doll." Bucky smirked down at me as he quietly shut the door so the police on the scene couldn't see us.

"Shit," I hissed, my phone was vibrating in my pocket. My right hand was pinned by my right side and my left still in Bucky's hand. Stuck, obviously.

"You gonna answer that?" Bucky asked me, raising an eyebrow.

"I can't."

"I'll get it." Bucky was now smirking.

"No, I'll try to get it. Besides it's in my back pocket," I said, leaning into him. His breath was now on my neck as I looked round to get my phone out of my pocket. "Come on, come on." I almost had it.

A hand was immediately on my waist, making me lean closer. "I've got it, you can let go now." I leant back against the wall again, we where still touching but not pressed against each other anymore. Not that I cared. However the immediate heat on my cheeks I felt right now proved otherwise.

"Yeah, but it's stopped ringing." Bucky smirked at me. God dammit with the smirking.

I had no signal bars. "No signal." I reached up on my tiptoes and held my phone above his shoulder. My face inches from his.

His startling, intense blue eyes stared into mine."Got any?" His breath blew onto my lips smelling of coffee. I ignored the butterflies, or possibly elephants, now starting in my stomach.

"No." I leant further forward. Our lips almost touched. I turned my head.

"Getting up close now are we?" Bucky breathed into my ear. "I don't blame you after the whole elevator thing."

"No." My phone began to ring again. " I'm getting a signal."

"I'll talk or you'll loose signal, or the cops will hear the speaker," Bucky told me as my phone began to ring.

"Okay," I said before pressing answer and holding it to his ear.

"Hi Sharon." Bucky smiled at me before winking. My heart got faster. Wait, what? No.

"The police haven't gone, okay... Yes... Uh huh. Just go to sleep, we'll get in by ourselves. Bye Sharon."

I took the phone from his ear and put it into my pocket.

"Uhhhh," I sighed, my belly grumbling.

"Someone's hungry." Bucky pressed himself to the wall. "Don't eat me!"

I kicked his shin. "Idiot, keep it down."

"Ow, I have feelings you know." Bucky pouted. Yes, I know and I'm going to have to hurt them... The guilt made me feel sick even now. But it was for the best, I was saving him.

"Naaar, you don't say." I rolled my eyes.

"Quick, I think I've found them!" A yell sounded from outside the door. Shit!

"Quick, kiss me now." Bucky kept my gaze, deadly serious.

No, I couldn't... I'd only told him I loved him because, because my walls had fallen down for the briefest of moments. Not now though. I couldn't let someone in, only to hurt them by betraying them because of HYDRA. I looked up at Bucky. He was innocent, a victim, I never would be. I knew as soon as I looked into his eyes that I couldn't drag him down with me. And because I loved him, I had to save him, I had to push him away. "Bucky, I-"

My harsh whisper was cut short by his lips. I finally freed my right hand. Using both of them to try to push him off of me. He only pushed me against the wall. His thighs pressed against mine. Electricity pulsed around me. This was like the second kiss in the elevator, this was far more steamy and desperate. And I... I liked it.

The door opened. I tilted my head to deepen the kiss. He had a point. I stopped trying to push him and put my hands round his neck. It felt... Good. This was the last time it would happen, I told myself, this was the last time.

"Excuse me."

I broke from the kiss, looking innocently at the cop who had spoken. But not before seeing Bucky's dilated pupils, drinking me in. What was I doing? I swore I'd never get attached to anyone since... Since getting hurt. Never again. Besides he didn't deserve my baggage, my problems, my sins. The police put his gun down. James Buchanan Barnes didn't deserve to be dragged down by me.

"Don't worry it's just two people that need a room. Out guys." The cop motioned us out of the tight space.

I gripped Bucky's gloved left hand as we walked out of the alley past the borrowed car. Which may or may not be returned in the same condition I found it...

My breath was fast and short, my heart racing. This was so wrong. I was a criminal, guilty, and Bucky was a victim, innocent.

"Why do you always grip my left hand?" Bucky asked as we turned the corner towards Avenger tower.

"Why not?" I shrugged.

"Because it's metal and not me." Bucky looked at the floor, slowing his walk.

"My leg's metal but it's still me." I shrugged, pulling him along.

"Wait." I felt my arm socket sting as he hauled us to a stop, letting go of my hand.

"I have a metal leg, like your arm. What's so surprising about that?" I asked him, trying to look into his eyes. "I already told you."

"Your crutches," Bucky whispered. "I'll carry you." I had no time to object as he lifted me from the floor, bridal style.

"Bucky?" I asked.

"Yes?" He smiled, sending a warm shiver down my spine as he looked into his eyes.

"Why me?" I looked away as I spoke. "I'm a monster."

"No, you are not. Look at me." I looked to see a deadly serious Bucky, trapped in his gaze. "I don't care about your past, okay? That's happened, it's what you do in the future."

"But I stole a car," I argued.

"We can work on that," Bucky chuckled. 'And besides you borrowed it. Now will you stop?"

I nodded. I knew not to press any further. I was practically in the same boat as him. I sighed, I knew what it felt like to push people away because you couldn't trust anyone. Heck, I was doing that now.

I watched the brunette as he looked where he was going, reminding me that my heart was still racing from the kiss. Which of course, meant nothing. At least that's what my brain was saying and not my heart, which was singing an entirely different tune that may have included the word l**e. That just only made it more complicated. I had to save him from myself, from HYDRA. I had to push him away some how.


	14. Chapter 14 - Say Something

I was still in Bucky's arms as we stood in the lift. We both stayed silent, well I was leaning on Bucky in the Avenger tower lift. To be honest the silence disturbed me.

"Could you put me down please?" I looked into Bucky's blue eyes.

"Sure." He gently set me down.

I stood by his side, well this was weird. "Let's not talk about this." I didn't even turn to speak to him. I didn't need the awkward tension. "The kiss, the chase; hopefully Becky will forget about the whole incident."

"Alright," was all he said.

More silence.

"It was a good idea by the way," I whispered.

"What was?" Bucky turned round to face me.

"The room and the kiss," I explained, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"What happened to let's not talk about the kiss?" Bucky raised his eyebrow at me, tilting his head.

"Ummm..." I shrugged.

"Let me guess..." Bucky coughed. "It's complicated," he said in a high pitched voice with a dodgy British accent.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Very."

"Let me know if you want to unravel the complicated things, doll." Bucky politely smiled at me before turning back around.

I too felt myself smiling. What the hell was this guy doing to me?

"What are we gonna tell 'em?" Bucky swung forward on the balls of his feet.

"Aren't you the older, wiser person?" I asked, walking to stand next to him. "So therefore you're responsible."

"You can look after yourself." Bucky looked at me, his expression unreadable.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"I just tagged along for the adrenaline," Bucky smirked at me.

"Mmmmhmmm," I tapped the foot of my right leg. My metal leg.

"You're going to have to tell them about your leg," Bucky looked down at it. "It's going to come out sooner or later."

"Hey guys, just a little conversation starter: HYDRA made me the winter soldier mark two," I raised my eyebrows at him. "I know you don't trust me now, and want to put me in a cage, and will probably do tests on me like they did-"

"They'll try to help you, Zoe," Bucky's tone was soft as mine grew harsher.

"I don't need help, not theirs, not anyone's, especially not yours." No! What was I saying? Too soon were the words out of my mouth doing more damage than any weapon. I didn't cover my mouth instead I stood frozen, shocked by my own words.

The words hung in the air before Bucky spoke "I'm sorry." He didn't look at me, instead he kept his eyes trained on the lift doors.

I laughed - it was a harsh, forced sound. "What for? You're not the one having their memories come back in shards from dreams and reminders." It was me that was being the bitch. Shutting him out again.

"Ummm..." His cheeks went slightly red. He had been through what I was going through right now - he had had to piece himself back together. Diaries in his backpack just like the diaries in my backpack - quick and easy to grab if I needed to move again, run again.

"I'm the one who should apologise, I'm just... A bitch." I looked away, embarrassed. "You can't do anything about what happened. It's happened, it's in the past. Let's just get on with the future, like you said..." There were so many things I wanted to say, to do - so many unspoken words that lingered on my lips that couldn't say: I don't deserve your love, you don't deserve to be dragged down with me.

"I'm also sorry for what I'm about to do," Bucky took a deep breath.

"What?" I asked, tensing as I looked to Bucky.

Bucky's right hand wound it's way round my waist. "This," Bucky's lips were on mine before I could do anything about it.

I sighed his name onto his lips. I couldn't love him. I couldn't love anyone. Not after what had happened to me. I'd only end up bringing them down with me in my desperate search for happiness. But for now I could just play along, I wasn't a heart breaker. Or was I? No, I was just in denial. Our lips moved slowly, in synch, perfection. Why was he kissing me now? After all I'd done? I was just going to hurt him, drag him down with me. I couldn't let this carry on. I couldn't do this to him.

Bucky's eyes shone with tears as his hands left my body. I'd just slapped him. He'd already said sorry for nothing. I'd hurt him again, I had to apologise again."I'm sorry, I just..." I felt my voice crack. "Can't. I really can't." I stepped away from him as the lift door opened.

"Zoe." Becky rolled towards me, watching me warily as I hobbled.

"Hey," I shrugged. "I'm sorry about-"

"Forget it," she laughed, picking up some crutches from the floor. "I understand that some of us need to live life on the edge."

"Thanks," I mumbled as she handed me some crutches, what can I say? My sister knew me too well.

"So, are you two... Together?" Sharon asked, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Come on we need to know," Becky chimed in.

"She's my best friend so if you break her heart, I will attempt to kill you," Sharon said a smile playing at her lips.

"Trust me, I'm not the heart breaker," Bucky answered. Why did I get the feeling that was aimed at me? I deserved it.

I stood silent. Well this was awkward.

"What's wrong with you?" Sharon asked, gaze landing on me.

"Nothing," I shrugged.

"What's your ans-"

"No, myself and James are not together," I snapped, my crutches cold against my arms. I was pretty sure it wasn't my crutches that were cold. It was my heart. I swung past him. Past Bucky. I didn't look at him. I couldn't. I couldn't see his wounded expression at my words. I needed to make it clear I wasn't interested. I didn't have feelings for him. I didn't get butterflies when I looked into his eyes. Or that's what I was trying to persuade myself at this precise moment in time. I wasn't in love with James Buchanan Barnes.

Silently Bucky left the room. No. I played him. I'd broken him. Someone who had tried to fix me. I'd pushed him away, like everyone else. Maybes I was just destined to be alone. I deserved-

"You twit!" I looked startled at Becky. "I'm not going to die knowing you turned down the best thing in your life! Go after him!"

"Why? He doesn't deserve me, my baggage, my problems - he can do better, much better."

"Two broken souls can make a whole, Zo. Now go after him!"

The eyes of the remaining Avengers who were awake watched me as I followed Bucky. I didn't care anymore. I loved him, and it was about time I told him, not worry about trying to protect him. Bucky knew what he was in for and he still tried to get close to me. I couldn't hurt anymore people, the twit that I was. I had to fix things, for Becky.

I stood in the doorway of his room as Bucky chucked random clothes into a suitcase. His backpack next to it on the bed. "What are you doing?" My voice was meek and it shook.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving." Bucky quickly looked at me before looking back at his clothes - a mess in his case, no order or structure.

I stepped forward. "Why are you leaving?"

"Because I don't want to be here anymore." He shut the suitcase, resting his palms flat against the top of it. "I know when I'm not wanted."

I walked into the room, shutting the door. Tossing the crutches to the side, I stood beside him. "But I want you here."

"Oh really? I can't even tell the lies from the truth with you anymore. Don't you have somewhere to be?" Bucky snapped, still not looking at me.

"No I don't have anywhere to go. I'm alone. And you're not going anywhere." I shoved him to the side and sat on top of his suitcase. "I won't let you. If anyone's leaving here tonight it'll be me, you were here first. I've only been here nearly a week. Say the words and I'm gone, James."

"Move." Bucky clenched and unclenched his fists. His blue glare scared me, it was as if the winter soldier was glaring down at me right now.

"No, Barnes." I crossed my arms. I was a winter soldier too.

"Please, Zoe," Bucky sighed, his gaze softened.

"No." I would be just as stubborn.

He lunged for me, chucking me over his shoulder. "Yes." He picked up his suitcase and backpack, heading for the door.

"Put me down!" I hit him on the back.

"No."

"Where are we going?" I asked, ceasing my attack.

"Somewhere." Bucky's voice was monotone.

"Could you at least put me down," I begged. I slid down his front as he set me down. I wrapped my arms round his chest. "Don't leave." I felt like a small child, my head on his chest - his heart racing in my ear.

"Zoe..."

"Please... Please don't. I..." I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was now or never. "I love you and it scares me so I did the only thing I know how - I pushed you away. I'm scared that me caring about you will get you hurt and I don't want to drag you down with me. I don't want HYDRA to get to you again because I could never forgive myself for it, for having the chance to save you from them, from myself and I never did. It would be selfish if I didn't push you away, save you."

There was thump as the suitcase fell to the floor. I gripped him tighter. He would not leave me. I gripped him by the shoulders, staring into his beautiful blue eyes.

Bucky stared back at me. His mouth hung slightly open as if he wanted to say something but he never did.

"Becky and Sharon think I'm not scared of anything. That's not true. That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of loving, of losing." I took a deep breath. "I don't want to get hurt, get people hurt. I push people away because I'm scared of getting them hurt." Something wet slid down my cheek. Silence. "Say something, please." I pulled at the fabric of his shirt.

"How do I know you that you won't push me away again?" Bucky's blue eyes bore into mine as I looked into them - expression unreadable. "That you will take it into your own hands and decide for me whether I get to be in your life or not. I've only known you a week, but I think we both know we've met before, been there for each other before - me more than you. You left last time, what means you won't leave again?" Last time, there was a last time?

I let out a sigh. "Because I'm sticking around, and I give you my word, there's nothing I can say about the last time because I don't remember the last time," I answered, my gaze unwavering. "I promise I won't run when Becky... When she's g-gone. I'll stay... For you. I don't remember last time, I had no idea there was a last time, James - but if I could take turn back time I wouldn't leave you. I would stay even in the pits of hell to be by your side." Those last words... They felt familiar, like I'd said them before...

"How do I know that though, doll?" Bucky pushed his hair off of his forehead.

"Kiss me." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, more words that I'd said before. Another stabbing shard of a memory I didn't know I had.

"No," Bucky said, stepping back from me.

"Please Bucky, kiss me."

"No." And then he smiled. A small one unlike his other smirks. "You kiss me, doll."

I placed my hand on the back of his neck, pulling him towards me. And I kissed him. A kiss which was desparate and passionate and gentle all at once. I needed him, more than I liked to admit. He was vulnerability someone like me shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it.

"I love you, Bucky," I whispered, pulling away.

"I thought you'd never say it, doll," Bucky whispered. "I love you. I'm so glad you found me again."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I whispered.

"I wanted to be sure it was you first, let you remember yourself but you weren't... So I thought I'd kick start your memory, of us. You said you'd come back to me." Bucky pulled me closer. "And you did."

I looked at his lips. He looked at mine. "I'm so sorry, Bucky." I reached up, kissing him.

Bucky's smirk widened underneath my lips. Bucky lightly pushed me to the wall, careful to avoid the suitcase on the floor. I let my hands wander to the back of his neck. Bucky lightly bit my lip, asking for entrance. I laughed against his lips, tugging at the hair on the nape of his neck. I wouldn't let him in, yet. Bucky's hand slowly wandered down to my waist, electricity and heat following his hand. I yelped as he pinched my arse. He took advantage of it, his tongue now exploring my mouth. I pulled his hair as our tongues danced, deepening the kiss. Man, it had been ages since I'd kissed a guy who was this good. My back touched the wall as I wrapped my right leg around his waist.

"You're not supposed to be able to that," he muttered against my lips.

"And?" I replied reaching for his shirt buttons. A cold hand slipped under my shirt, tracing circles on my back.

"Mr Barnes and Miss Frost you are wanted in the living room." Friday. Damn it.

I slowly slid my leg back down, my cheeks flushed. "Well this going to be awkward," I laughed as I started doing his shirt buttons back up, the five buttons easily slipping through their loops.

"I do believe you're leading me astray, doll," Bucky laughed, stepping back and getting my crutches.

"I do believe I am," I said, taking the crutches. "Apparently I did before..."

"Ladies first." Bucky smiled, holding open the door.

I swung out. Silence. The entire building was static. Why was it so quiet? I swung faster to the living room.

Becky was out of her wheelchair. On the ground. Bruce knelt over her. My heart plummeted to the floor. I ditched the crutches, running over to her. I knelt on the other side of her. No. No. No.

"What's wrong?" I asked, taking her hand. It was freezing, like ice in my hand.

Bruce continued working as he spoke. "She's-"

"I'm dying, a few minutes left I think," Becky whispered as Bruce injected her with something. "Turns out I lied, I don't have a week."

"No," my voice croaked as my throat tightened. "No, Becky, no."

Becky nodded flinching. She was in pain. "Love you, Zoe."

"I forgive you - not that you needed forgiving the first place, you were never in the wrong." I brought her hand to my chest. "I love you, Becky, don't leave me."

Becky didn't move, her grey eyes focused on the ceiling. She didn't blink, her breathing shallow.

"Say something," I whispered. "Keep talking to me." I gripped her hand tighter. "Say something..."

"I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you." Becky quoted, her laugh strained. Really, right now?

"Anywhere I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up-" my voice broke as I fought against the tears.

"You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye," Becky's eyes fluttered open. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid, Zo."

"I won't," I whispered, voice raw. "I promise."

"See you later alligator," Becky smiled, eyelids falling closed. Her grey eyes disappeared, gone forever.

"In a while crocodile." I gripped her hand. Her now limp hand. Her chest was still. So very still. "Say something," I whispered. Nothing happened. No movement. No breath. No life. My sister was gone. "Becky?" I cried, the tears cascading down my face. "Rebecca?"

"Zoe, she's gone. I couldn't do anything I'm so sorry." Bruce couldn't look at me as he spoke.

Everyone in the room was silent.

I nodded, whispering "I know." My hair stuck to the tears on my face as I put my cheek against hand.

A gentle hand was on my shoulder. I gently set Becky's hand on her ribcage, looking to see sapphire eyes.

"I'm here." Bucky outstretched his hand.

I took it, shakily standing up and burying my face in his chest. "She's gone," I half mumbled and half sobbed.

"Come on," Bucky soothed, hugging me close.

I don't know how, but I was being carried to a room. I didn't care, all I felt was empty and hollow. My big sister was gone. Bucky lay down as he set me by his side. I hugged his chest as I rested my cheek on his side. His right arm wrapped around me. I just cried. Becky was gone.

"Say something," Bucky whispered. "I'm worried about you, doll."

What was I supposed to say? "Don't leave me... Please."

"I won't doll, ever." A light pressure on my head. A kiss.

"Good," I mumbled, my cheeks cold from the tears, my eyes sticky. I shut my eyes as Bucky's rhythmic heartbeat sent me to sleep. Though I'm pretty sure the tears never stopped. It had been little more than a week and so much had happened...

_My hands were entwined with the winter soldier's as we lay in a cell. The floor was covered in grime and the windows were cracked and filthy. _

_"They're shipping me out tomorrow - to America, Pierce wants me there for a mission." The winter soldier's voice was by my ear, my back against his chest. This was one of our rare moments of solace where HYDRA would let us lie together before our next mission. We'd met six months ago - trained together, slept together. When we were supposed to be training we'd slip away from the other super soldiers and sit in the cell. HYDRA hadn't found us yet, discovered out recluse. Both of us were just as confused as the other. No name. No identity to cling to. Just each other. He'd call me doll and I'd call him soldier - a laugh for the both of us. The only laughter in the entire base._

_"Do you know what for?" I lifted up our left hands, admiring the way they fit together - his metal hand in mine._

_"To take out a few targets, they're wiping me first though - are they not shipping you out?" The soldier sat up, breath against my neck._

_I now sat in his lap, bringing our hands onto my thighs and staring down at them. A single strand of my hair hung in my eyes. "They're wiping me and putting me into storage until they have use of me. We won't remember any of this." I gripped his hands tighter. _

_"Nothing..." The soldier mumbled, lips pressing against my neck. _

_I twisted in his lap to face him, blue eyes meeting mine, my hands on his shoulders. "If this is the last time I see you then I need you to know I love you, soldier. I may not know who you are, I don't know who I am but that's the one thing I do know in whatever this is."_

_The soldier placed his hands on my hips, smiling. "I love you too, doll." _

_Boots thudded against the floor. _

_"They're coming. They've found us." We both sprang up. We'd been caught. _

_I turned to the soldier, putting my hand on the back of his neck. "I would stay even in the pits of hell to be by your side, soldier."_

_"Come back to me," the winter soldier's lips brushed mine as he spoke._

_"Kiss me." I pulled him closer, our bodies flush against each other. _

_His lips were on mine - strong and powerful. And then they were gone. The soldier was being dragged away. HYDRA soldiers held me back and others dragged the winter soldier away. _

_"I'll come back to you, I promise," I called after him before pain laced down my spine. They were wiping me now. I fell to my knees. A scream sounded from the room next door. They were wiping him too..._


	15. Chapter 15 - One Condition

"Hands up now! Where is she!?"

Light flooded my eyes. I knew that gruff voice. Loundlow, the HYDRA general that had controlled me. They'd found me. God no. The hairs on the back of my neck rose and my heart beat increased to a frantic symphony in my chest.

Bucky sat up - his hair was a mess and his eyes frantic. "What the hell?"

"Loundlow," I whispered, my cheeks cracking from the dried tears on them. "He's found me."

"Who?" Bucky sat up straighter, running a hand through his hair.

"A general from HYDRA." I sat up. I still had my clothes on from yesterday. "I need my room."

"Why?" Bucky stood up, flexing his metal hand.

"My dagger, my weapons." I stood up, looking at my crutches. It was time to leave them behind. To expose to everyone who I really was. "He'll have men."

"I'll distract him." Bucky reached under his bed, taking out two guns. "Here."

"Thanks, soldier." I took the small revolver. "Be careful, Bucky."

Bucky smirked, kissing me softly. "You too, doll. You remembered."

"Really? Again with the nickname?" I shook my head, walking to the door.

"You know you love it, doll." Bucky laughed. "Ready?"

"Yes," I whispered, slowly opening the door.

Two armed guards walked past. They had two guns strapped to each thigh and one gun in their hand.

Hot breath was on the back of my neck. "I'll take the one on the left."

"I guess I've got the one on the right," I whispered, sneaking into the corridor. I looked to see Bucky smirking as we crept behind them. I nodded, pointing at the guards. I pressed my palm firmly to the guards mouth, using my right metal leg to knee him in the back, hard. He went limp from the lack of oxygen. I gently lay him on the floor. Oops... I may have paralysed him. I saluted to Bucky as he lay his guard down.

He smirked. "Time for a distraction, doll."

I snuck into my room, sticking the gun in the back waistband of my jeans. My backpack was heavy in my hands as I placed it on the bed. I grabbed my dagger, sticking it into my pocket - a black design with serrated blades that had slit far too many throats. I shivered - the thrill of a fight was igniting a side of me I had tried for so long to destroy.

I pulled my hair into a tight bun, heading out of the door. The grief I had felt last night had been replaced with a hot rage which now flooded my veins. How dare HYDRA not let me grieve in peace...

"You!" I just had time to turn slightly before I was slammed into the wall and cuffed. They were cold against my skin. Shit. I was marched into the living room. Everyone was sat on the floor, guns trained on them.

"My dear, how nice of you to finally join us." I looked into a pair of black eyes. Loundlow.

"Bastard," I growled, pulling against the grip of the soldiers holding me. The anger grew, I wanted to kill him.

"Is that any way to treat your saviour?" Loundlow motioned around the room. "I saved her from death, gave her a leg and this is how she repays me. She leaves me."

"You almost sound emotionally involved." My muscles tensed as I pulled harder. I could break free from them, it was just a question of when. The guards tightened their grip on me. There were guards everywhere, guns pointed at everyone. I had to be careful what I said, it wasn't just my life at risk.

"I am." Loundlow kept his gaze on me - black eyes empty.

"Are you trying to make me sick?" I gagged, freezing.

"My dear, you will be under my control again." Loundlow smiled. He wasn't very old, a lookalike of Ian Somerhalder really, but with a jagged scar down his cheek. I'd put that there. He traced a hand down my cheek. "Longing."

No.

"Never, you sick bastard - go to hell," I snapped. Something hit me in the head. It hadn't knocked me out. But I could pretend it had, it was my only way of saving the Avengers and everyone else. I let my legs give way as I shut my eyes. The guard caught me.

"No, Zoe!" Sharon.

"Silence!" A guard and the click of a bullet.

"Take the cuffs off, soldier," Loundlow snapped. "She doesn't need them now."

"Let go of her!" Bucky. No.

A loud bang sounded.

No! I had to stay still. I heard Bucky groan as another bang sounded. He'd hit the floor. Please say Loundlow hadn't shot him anywhere vital. I couldn't lose him as well as Becky.

"Take her away!" Loundlow groaned. That's good - Bucky had shot him too.

I swayed as they carried me away, into the lift. The lift doors closed behind us.

I slowly gripped the handle of the dagger. The lift button hadn't been pressed yet. One... Two... Three... Now! I stabbed the guard holding me in the chest. Quickly withdrawing the blade and driving it through the skull of the guard in front of me. I jumped from the dying guard's arms, spinning around. A gun was in my face. I kicked the gun with my right leg, bending it in half. Grabbing it I shoved it back into the guard's stomach, causing him to bend over. I drove the dagger into the back of his neck and spun round to another gun. Two more guns. I put the dagger back in my belt strap quickly. Reaching forward, I grabbed both of the guns, arms crossed. And spun again both of them shooting at the ceiling. I pulled the gun forwards out of their grasps. I found the triggers and spun round to shoot both of them in the head. Anger coursed through my veins that I'd locked away for years.

Pushing my hair out of my face, I hit the lift button to open the doors again, both of the machine guns resting on each shoulder.

"And so I'm going to-"

"Zoe!" Sharon cried interrupting Loundlow as the lift doors lunged open.

Five bodies lay at my feet. "Did I step on your moment?" I smirked.

Loundlow stood in the middle of the room a bullet wound to his arm, gun posed at Sharon. The main reason the Avengers were standing down - if they tried anything Sharon would die. The guard next to Pepper tensed.

Loundlow started to clap. "I see you haven't lost your touch Miss Frost, nor your brutality. You're still a monster."

"You still hire crap guards." I carefully stepped over the bodies, then stopped outside of the lift.

Loundlow tensed. "One more step-"

"And what? You'll shoot her? Catch up Loundlow, you're in a game you can't win. You should at least try to lose with some dignity," I spat, gripping the machine guns tighter.

"I'll kill her, soldier," Loundlow warned, pressing the gun to Sharon's temple. Her eyes met mine - wide and panicked. The Avengers stirred, they were helpless right now. "Pain." Another word.

A guard pointed his gun towards me. A shot sounded, Sharon wasn't dead. The guard next to me fell to the ground at the sound of the gun shot to my right.

I looked to see Bucky gripping his arm, blood staining his shirt. Loundlow stood in the centre of the room, vulnerable. No more guards.

"Time for you to die." I smiled sweetly at him jumping down the steps.

"Ninety- six. Seven more words and you'll be useless to them, in fact you'll be the one pulling the trigger." Loundlow already had his finger on the trigger, loading the gun for Sharon. "In fact, I don't need you alive to get your blood samples, but I can't do much with you when you're dead. So I'll just kill her instead."

I gripped the guns tighter. All eyes were on me.

The back of Sharon's neck was now glistening with sweat. The tension in the air was strong.

"Then kill me, take me back to HYDRA, do whatever you want with me." I dropped the machine guns to the floor, putting my hands up. "I'm the one you want, not her. She has nothing to do with this."

Loundlow laughed, his face contorting. "If you insist, if you die you won't have to explain your leg to everyone, how you worked for HYDRA and killed hundreds of children." He pointed the gun at me. "It is such a sadness to see something so lethal be lost."

It was now or never. I slid my hand into my pocket. My daggers handle was nestled in my palm. Hopefully Loundlow's aim was as bad as his trash talk.

Someone leapt in front of me - a red shirt, long brunette hair and a metal arm.

The gunshot sounded.

Bucky dropped to his knees, falling on his side. It all happened so quickly.

I looked from Bucky to Loundlow, meeting his black glare with my own venomous glare. "No!" I yelled throwing my dagger.

It found Loundlow's leg. Red blossomed from his wound, rushing down his leg.

I dropped to my knees, pressing my hands to Bucky's wound near his right shoulder. It looked like it was just a deep flesh.

"You idiot, you got shot twice," I said, pressing harder on the wound. Red weaved its way through my fingers, warm on my skin. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't know." Bucky tried to move, grimacing. "Ow."

"Stay still, okay." I stroked Bucky's cheek. A red line appeared on his tanned skin.

"At least I'm gonna die in the arms of an angel," Bucky laughed, wincing.

"You're not going to die, Bucky," I whispered, watching his blue eyes as they stared up at me.

"Step away from him." Loundlow's voice was too near. Cool metal touched the back of my head. "Help me."

I gently removed my hands from Bucky and stood up. Red fell down my wrists and dripped onto the floor. There was a lot of blood, maybe it wasn't a deep flesh wound after all...

"Now help me, bitch." Loundlow jabbed me in the back with the gun.

I looked Sharon straight in the eyes, a massive smirk forming on my lips. "Of course." I had to hurry otherwise Bucky would go into shock and it would be too late.

I twisted around, kicking Loundlow in the side with my right leg. His gun fell to the floor with a clatter.

I kicked Loundlow in the head. A rugged punch was aimed at my head which I dodged easily. Grabbing his wrist, I spun under his arm and pushed his shoulder out of its socket. "Bastard."

I stepped back watching Loundlow struggle. "You're a bitch."

"Oh I know." I smiled at him before kicking him the balls. "You're a-"

"Zoe!" I looked over to Sharon. "Language."

Something hit me hard in the back of my left knee causing it to give way. I stuck my right leg out and skidded around in a circle onto my knees. Only to have to lean backwards to dodge a side kick aimed at my head.

I put my hands behind my head and leant back on them to kick Loundlow in the chest. I hung upside down doing a handstand before standing up. I grabbed the fallen gun and aimed it at his head. "Go to hell, you bastard."

Loundlow smirked. "The effects of the drugs we pumped into you day in and day out to solve your little rage problem will wear off eventually, sweetheart and all you'll see is red both in your eyes and on your hands. Hail HYD-"

"Stop." A red hole appeared in between his eyes. I'd shot him. His limp body fell to the floor. I'd killed him. I'd killed Loundlow. Without a second thought. Like the winter soldier I was supposed to be. Like a monster.

A guard stirred to my right, reaching for his holster.

I stood on his hand with my right foot. A crack sounded followed by another crack as I kicked him the head.

"What is your leg made of? Metal?" Sharon was looking at me, eyebrow raised.

"Yes, it is." I didn't look at her as I reached into Loundlow's pockets. Nothing.

"W-what?" Sharon asked, looking up at me from her position on the floor. She hadn't moved at all. No one had but Bruce.

I went over to Bucky as Bruce knelt beside him."Yes my leg is made of metal."

Sharon stood up. "Like-"

"Yes like Bucky's arm, Sharon." I raised my trouser slightly to expose the shiny metal which reflected the light of the rising sun.

"Oh."

"Is he okay?" I asked Bruce as Steve knelt beside me.

Bucky laughed, smiling at me. "I'm fine, doll."

"Yes." Bruce nodded. "Steve, help me take him to the lab I need to s itch this before he loses anymore blood."

Steve helped Bucky up, the pair hobbling away with Bruce.

I stood up, wandering over to the seating area where everyone else had gathered. None of them looked at me and Sharon sat staring down at her hands. She was my best friend and I never told her. My hands were still stained with red, with Bucky's blood. I looked to Sharon. "I suppose I should let you ask some more questions. You need to know after all, you're my best friend." Sharon sat stunned as I sat cross legged on the floor, picking at my fraying shoe lace. Her mouth pressed into a thin line, she didn't acknowledge my comment or move.

Tony coughed, his eyes trained on me - curious and cautious. "Can I ask you a question?"

I turned to him, my hands now in my lap. "Shoot." Poor choice of words considering what had just happened... Bucky, he had to be okay. He would be okay, he was with Bruce and Steve.

"How long were you with HYDRA?" Stark was fiddling with his watch, no doubt a gadget of his that transformed into part of suit of his.

"I joined in ninety-six. Willingly I was there for six years, then unwillingly for seventeen years until I escaped now in 2019," I said, keeping his gaze. "Of course I had no idea it was HYDRA until the whole project insight thing in 2014 when HYDRA lost their main soldier, Bucky... " I trailed off. "But I did know of the awful things that they did, I was aware of them when I was there for six years. I guess I was so numb I just let it slide past me. For a while I became a robot just following orders - emotionless."

"Is there anything you can tell us about HYDRA?" Fury asked, sliding down his sunglasses.

"Nothing new," I said. "I'm still remembering my time there - the only parts I remember were those who I killed. Every single one of them..." I looked back to my shoes, pulling at the now loosened thread.

"Are you sure?" Fury pressed.

"Of course I'm sure." I glared at him. "How am I supposed to know, I was wiped after each mission. How am I supposed to remember everything? I don't even know their god damn names, just their faces and their screams and the way they pleaded with me before I looked them in the eyes and ended their life." I was lucky I remembered who I was.

"I was just asking," Fury sighed.

"Sure you were." I looked back at Sharon, dropping my shoe lace. She was looking at me now. She seemed distant. "Anything you want to ask me?"

"Do you...errr... Do you have a red star?" Sharon was talking about the Soviet Union star.

"Yes, on my hip and ankle." I kept her brown gaze.

"Does it hurt?" Sharon tapped her right leg.

"No." I hugged my right to my chest, resting my chin on it.

"How did they attach your leg?" I looked over to see Natasha raising her eyebrow at me.

"I honestly don't know. I don't even remember what happened half the time." I shrugged as agents filled into the room clearing the guards bodies.

"I've seen your eyes before." Natasha shook her head, red hair falling across her cheeks.

"We were both trying to kill the same person, I had a mask on." I stood up, lifting my top up to show a bullet wound. "You shot me."

"Oh."

I laughed. "I knocked you out, so we're square."

"What's that other mark?" Sharon was pointing to a scar in the shape of a 'p' on my hip.

"It's on my pant line it says 'fucked up'." I shrugged letting my top fall back into place. "It's nothing." I said the two words far too quickly because it wasn't nothing, it was a rather large something.

"Oh." Sharon looked wounded, shaking her head.

"That's as far as anyone ever got." I winked, if only it were true. "I haven't dabbled in that department much."

"So you are a good girl," Sam chuckled.

"It would seem so," I laughed.

"Ow." We looked over to see Pepper rubbing her tummy. "Just a kick." She put her hand up to calm us. She was paler than normal yet she still glowed. She wore pregnancy well.

"Put this on." I slipped off a pain band - it had a placebo effect - something to do with magnets. It helped with the pains I got in my hip anyway.

"What is it?" Pepper asked, sliding it onto her wrist.

"A pain bracelet." I smiled at her.

"What does it do?" Stark asked, eyeing it on Pepper's wrist.

"It'll make her feel better, it uses magnets or something," I explained.

"Does it even work?" Tony stood up. He was short and had no effect on me. My mind flickered threat. An agent handed me my dagger.

I nodded my thanks to them as Stark advanced. "I mean I'm not trying to be rude, but it doesn't work for you. You still wince every now and again when you walk." He stepped closer to me.

I stepped back.

Stark shrugged, glaring at me. "Everyone else seems to be oddly calm about the whole HYDRA thing but I'm not. They killed my parents. I mean look at you, you're-"

"Stop," I tried to warn him. Please, just stop. I'd held off the vision for so long... Loundlow was right, it was coming back.

"No. I don't think we can trust you. Friday picked up a signal from your neck coming from somewhere in New York. Guess where it was coming from?" Tony's voice rose.

I swallowed. "HYDRA." My other side was taking hold, the winter soldier was pushing through my barricade. The barricade I had spent so long building to conceal the other side of me. That I'd almost forgotten about. Was so close to forgetting about.

"Stop," was all I could say before it took over me. My whole body was twitching. I shut my eyes blocking it out.

"Stop Tony." I looked to see Bucky standing in the lift. What the hell was he doing? He wore a sling and a different top but he walked as if he hadn't just been shot twice.

"Why?" Tony poked me in the chest.

I was helpless to watch as my hand flickered for my dagger.

"She's going soldier - you're a threat right now," Bucky said, still walking towards us.

I stood totally still, unable to move. I knew this all to well - my soldier side was waiting for orders. Something touched my arm. Nothing. I couldn't respond. I had no orders.

"She has no idea what she's doing." Bucky shoved me. Hard.

I immediately responded with an aimed punch at his head. Bucky caught it with his left hand twisting me around, holding me close as his metal arm slipped around my waist. His other arm was behind me in its sling.

I heard a whisper in my ear as I watched my body helplessly. "I don't want to dance, doll." That was what he said before... At the HYDRA base, that was what he said when we first met when we were training.

That was all I needed, my muscles were mine again. I was me again. The memory had broken the soldier, for now. "It's me."

"How do I know that?" He was still whispering in my ear.

"Is this just an excuse to touch me?" I hissed quietly.

"I'm still not persuaded, doll."

"You're an asshole you know that right, snowflake," I said trying to pull away from him.

He let go. "The princess is back." He smirked at me as I turned to look at him.

I rolled my eyes at him as I made my way back to my room.

"Friday, monitor Miss Frost's-"

"Tony!" I heard Pepper shout. "Just leave her alone! She doesn't mean any harm."

I stopped waiting to see his reaction. Tony just looked at the floor. And so he should, he should feel guilty for what he did.

"You shouldn't push her," Bucky said. "She'll just end up loosing it and killing you."

"And you know because?" Tony glared at Bucky now.

"Because I've been through the same thing," Bucky snapped.

"Tony!" I heard Pepper scold as I turned to head to my room.

I stormed into my room, slamming the door behind me. Except it didn't slam. I spun around to see Bucky catching the door and slipping into the room before I could do anything about it.

"Get out." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"No." Bucky crossed his arms, left arm on top. Was he trying to tell me something? My leg was just like his arm... No, he needed to get out.

"Get out now," I warned him. "You're hurt and need to rest."

He didn't budge. "No."

I rolled my eyes and turned around, tensing before I swung my right leg to hit him in the face. His left hand caught my leg, holding it there.

"Really?" Bucky asked smirking, as he pushed my leg higher.

"My leg doesn't go that far," I complained as my foot towered above my head.

"Mmmm." Bucky kept going.

"Ow," I whimpered, my left leg shaking, my knee was bound to go. It did.

Bucky let go of my leg, catching me.

I just glared at him, struggling.

"Let me in," was all he said.

"No." He let go of me as I stepped back.

"Why? You kiss me, then you shut me out again. You remember our six months together and make all of these promises but as soon as you think you're endangering me you push me away. Am I just a game to you?" Bucky went to walk out.

"No don't walk out, please," I begged, exchanging weight from foot to foot. "I just... They've found me, again."

Bucky stopped.

"I don't... I can't... Bucky I don't want you to... I can't let you get hurt." I felt a single tear slide down my cheek. "I can't loose you. Last night I remembered them pulling us away from each other and the how it felt, it felt so wrong and horrible and it's been bugging me all day. I don't want to be alone again."

Bucky turned around, his face portraying nothing.

I hurriedly wiped the tear from my cheek. I couldn't be vulnerable like I had been yesterday.

"Hey." His arms were around me before I could do anything about it. His right arm out of its sling. "Don't cry, there's no use crying over spilt milk. I know what it's like to be alone, doll."

I wound my arms around his waist. "I'm not alone." I hiccuped looking up at him. I was tall, but not as tall as him. He raised his eyebrow at me."I've...(hiccup) got...(hiccup) you." I'd cried harder than I'd thought.

Bucky laughed. "Yes you do, doll. Yes you do."

I hiccuped again. "Damn."

"Try standing on your head." Bucky stepped back from me.

"Seriously?" I shook my head. "No."

"You like that word don't you, no." Bucky walked past me to the iPod docking station. I'd listened to it the other night. "What have you been listening to?"

"Stuff." I shrugged.

"Can you waltz?" Bucky turned around, his eyebrow raised.

"I went to dance school with Sharon, so yes I guess so." I walked over to him turning the dock on, Shot at the night by The Killers started to play.

"Can I have this dance?" Bucky offered me his hand.

I took it. "I suppose."

We swayed around the room. I was trying desperately to avoid his eyes, so I turned my head to the side.

"You need to look your partner in the eyes," Bucky whispered in my ear, tightening his grip on my waist, pulling me closer. My heart was officially doing backflips. "For a waltz."

I turned to look at him, our noses touching. His blue orbs directly in front of me. I gulped, remembering the electricity he caused.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Bucky brushed our noses together. "Us men from the forties treat women with the respect they deserve."

I locked eyes with Bucky. We were breathing the same air, we were that close. I looked down at his lips to signal what I wanted to do. He nodded, glancing at mine. His hand left my waist as spun me around and then pulled me to his lips.

"_Give me a shot at the light, give me a moment..." _

His lips felt right against mine as we swayed. I wound my fingers into his brunette locks, our lips hungry. I was kissing Bucky - James Buchanan Barnes - a man I'd fallen for before. The man I wasn't going to push away, I was going to hold onto him as tightly as I could. And keep my promise to Becky: don't do anything stupid. I pulled back slightly. "Bucky?" I asked.

"What, doll?" He asked, our foreheads touching.

"I love you." I kissed him softly. "And I'm not going to push you away. I said I would come back to you and I did so I'm not going anywhere."

"Good to hear, doll," Bucky chuckled, running a finger down my cheek.

"Now will you please go and rest?" I begged.

"Hmmmm..." Bucky tilted his head to the side, making his lips look even more attractive from a new angle.

"What?" I asked, tapping his arm.

He flinched. "On one condition. As you wouldn't want to lose me." He grinned, pulling me closer, his hand on the small of my back.

"Okay." I raised my eyebrow.

"One more kiss please, doll." He smirked.

"Asshole." Bucky only laughed at my insult as I stood on my tiptoes, giving him a quick kiss. That was until he gripped my left hip tighter and used his other hand to lightly hold the back of my neck to keep me in place. I suppose it didn't matter... As long as he didn't drop dead...

I gently bit his lip as I laughed against his lips. The two of us spelt one word: trouble. I grinned into the kiss, as long as I was with him I didn't care what we were doing.


	16. Chapter 16 - Fighting

"Wakey, Wakey sleepy head." Someone nudged my arm. I kept my eyes closed - my limbs were stiff and sore. I'd fallen asleep in a chair with my cheek resting on my hand. Damn, I bet that had looked attractive... Aha, not.

"Are you even listening to me, doll? Or are you too busy posing for next top model?" Another poke.

My eyes fluttered open. I scanned Bucky's face before I let my lips part into an "o" as I yawned. My vision was blurred but I could see enough. We were in his room where he was resting after I finally persuaded him to rest.

"What have you been doing while I've been out, doll?" Bucky smirked at me, his brown hair messy and ever so slightly wavy.

"Watching you." I stretched, my shoulders clicking. "Sleeping."

"Did I go anywhere?" Bucky sat up in the bed, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Only to the bathroom." I played along, of course he hadn't actually gone anywhere. He'd fallen asleep as soon as his head had hit the pillow.

"Oh really?" He swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Which reminds me, I need the loo." He stood up. Bucky's face paled, as he swayed.

I quickly stood up, wrapping my arm around his waist to steady him. "Whoa, wait a minute speedy. You got shot, remember? Twice."

Bucky looked down at me. "You're not gonna drop that, are you? Little dictator." Bucky smirked. "Which way now?"

"This way, this is your room you should know where to go." I pointed to a door in front of us. Bucky leant on me more than I expected, his was definitely not light that was for sure. I stopped at the door. "You're on your own from here." No way was I going into the loo with him.

"Into no man's land I go." Bucky saluted to me with his left hand before opening the bathroom door.

I just laughed, slowly letting go of him, making sure he didn't stumble. Not that he would, he was mostly healed now anyway - benefits of being a super soldier I suppose.

Bucky walked out of the bathroom, did I forget to mention he was in a hospital nightie. His long legs were extremely toned and his abs clearly visible under the light weight material.

I looked back up to see him raising an eyebrow at me. "Like what you see?"

I held my arm out for him to take. "Shut up, James."

"Why thank you, dear lady." Bucky bowed slightly, taking my arm. It only took a few seconds to get back to the bed.

Bucky collapsed back into bed, staring up at me. "Thanks."

"No problem - now be careful or you'll pop your stitches." I sat back in the chair, the back of my left knee aching. I rubbed it as I readjusted my position in the chair. Loundlow had kicked me hard - hard enough to leave a purple bruise anyway.

"What's wrong?" Bucky leant on his metal elbow, blue eyes watching me.

"Nothing." I put my hands in my lap.

"Loundlow kicked you in the leg, didn't he?" Bucky reached for the red cord which would summon Bruce. It had been installed in his room when he'd first moved into the tower. It was for the use of the other Avengers if Bucky had an episode and they needed Bruce to sedate him.

I took his right hand careful not move it too much. "I'm fine, it just aches."

"Didn't you get shot?" Bucky asked me, holding my hand in his.

"No, I cannot apply to be a colander today." I smiled, picking at a fray on my ripped jeans.

"Lucky." Bucky squeezed my hand, lying back in his bed. "You know I would kiss you, but there's a camera in here. Tony turned it on once you fell asleep."

I looked over to where Bucky was gazing. Sure enough a black circle winked at us. I knew which one of us they didn't trust: me.

"I can take care of that." I let to of Bucky's hand and walked over to the camera. I stood directly in front of it, waving, and mouthed "Bye." The camera's red light went dark.

"Help me get dressed, doll."

I turned to look at Bucky, raising my eyebrow. "Manners?"

"Please?" Bucky smirked, widening his eyes and tilting the corners of his mouth downwards - he somewhat resembled a puppy now.

I went over to a drawer and pulled out a top and a pair of jeans. Turning around my nose came into contact with Bucky's chest. "Damn it! Don't you know not to sneak up on people?"

"Sorry." Bucky shrugged.

"Do you have... Urrrr..." I trailed off, well this was awkward.

"I have boxers on underneath this lovely gown of mine," Bucky laughed.

I felt my cheeks redden."Turn around." I ordered before he could see my cheeks.

"Yes ma'am." Bucky did as I said but his smirk had widened telling me he'd already seen my blush.

I started undoing the bows at the back of the gown, exposing smooth skin. I had to resist the urge not to trail my finger down his spine, to feel the smoothness of his skin underneath my hand."Alright, all done." I tapped him on the shoulder.

Bucky took off his sling, turning around and started shrugging off his gown. It fell to the floor, leaving behind a finally toned six pack and chest. His face, just keep looking at his face, I persuaded myself. "Your top." I handed it to him. It was rather challenging to keep looking at his face.

"Thanks, doll." Bucky took the sleeves and slid the top over his head.

Man, did he have nice v-lines. Wait, what? The face, Zoe, the face before you get any further...Bucky slipped the shirt over his head.

"Here's your trousers." I handed him the jeans and turned around. I could at least attempt to be polite even though it was a little late for politeness now.

"Thanks." I kept staring at the wall.

"You can turn around now, I don't see why you turned around though you saw one of the main parts of the show." Bucky chuckled.

"Oh shh." I turned around, punching his metal arm. Bad idea, it was really hard. I tried not to flinch. "Let's go and see the others." I motioned for Bucky to go first.

"Why me first?" Bucky watched me, mouth forming into a smirk.

"Because I think Tony's going to kill me." I motioned again.

Bucky put his arm over my shoulders, wincing slightly. It was the arm that got shot. "I'll jump in front of bullet for you again, doll." He smiled down at me.

"Thanks for that -" I smirked "- But you were an idiot for doing it."

"Well thank you too." Bucky laughed, the sound causing goosebumps to appear on my arms.

"It's alright." I shrugged as we neared the living room.

"Her blood is amazing, it's encouraged cellular growth from cells which were destroyed." Bruce was sitting making notes, his glasses half way down his nose. "We need to get a sample of it."

"Bruce," Sharon warned as we entered the room. "I don't think Zoe will take kindly to being a pin cushion. She doesn't like needles."

"Right, right, only if she wants to," Bruce sighed, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

An amused look crossed Bucky's face as Bruce examined a container of blood.

"She won't want to, trust me." Sharon laughed.

"The maiden seems very brave, she would make a great Asgardian warrior," Thor said after a mouthful of pop tarts.

"She saved our lives." Pepper smiled before glaring at Tony.

"I don't like her," Tony mumbled.

"And I thought it was just Sam who didn't like me." I laughed, taking a seat next to Sharon, Bucky by my side.

Fury laughed. "Now, now people."

"I understand where you're coming from Tony." I nodded at him, catching his gaze. "I'm glad you're sticking to your guns."

"Mr Stark, Miss Frost has a phone call." Friday.

I tensed. "Where can I answer it?"

"Over there." Stark pointed to the corner of the room where an old fashioned phone hung on the wall.

"Thanks." I quickly stood up, walking over. Shit. No one called me. Everyone had gone silent behind me, the mutters which had echoed around the room had now stopped.

The phone was heavy in my hand. "Hello," I whispered unable to produce a barely audible noise.

"Hello soldier," a cold voice sounded. HYDRA.

"Can I help you?" I gripped the phone tighter, turning my back to the Avengers.

"Yes, yes you can. You're coming home, where you belong, my miracle."

I stood straighter, closing my eyes. "No."

"Yes, we will have control of you in half an hour, my dear. I look forward to seeing you again," and with those chilling words, the person on the other end of the line hung up.

I had to leave. It turns out HYDRA hadn't given up, they'd only just started.

I placed the receiver back, turning around. "I have to go. Now."

"Wait, what?" Sharon stood up, blocking my exit.

"Look, I don't have time to explain." I pushed past her. "I have to go."

"Are you in trouble?" There was doubt in Sharon's voice as she followed me.

"No, but you will be if I stay here." I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote on it, handing it to Sharon: "I'm back in business. They've found me. Must leave now."

Sharon grabbed my bicep. "We can-"

I looked away from her, pulling my arm out of her grasp. "No, you can't."

"But-"

"But what Sharon? If HYDRA find out I've told you that they've got control of me, they'll wipe me right here." I dared HYDRA, if they could hear me.

"H-How?" Sharon stuttered.

"That signal Stark found, it's them. The only way to get it out is for me to go under anaesthetic, which would..." I shook my head. "Be bad."

"What aren't you telling me?" Sharon reached out to touch my shoulder, her voice holding a tone she normally reserved for giving orders.

"I won't have any control if it goes wrong, there will be no me left." I stepped away from her touch. "I suffered from something called Red Vision before, the device controls it. The serum enhanced my most prominent features and one of those was anger."

"But-"

"There are no buts, it's over." I spun round on my heel, heading for Fury.

I hugged him, reaching into his pocket and taking his phone, slipping it into my sleeve. "Goodbye." He tensed when I touched him - out of everyone I should have been hugging Bucky, not Fury but Bucky didn't have a phone.

"What does that even mean?" Sharon yelled after me as I headed to the balcony.

"It means Sharon -" I spun around at the door. "- That a winter soldier mark two is going to be hunting S.H.I.E.L.D down. With no mercy or recollection that she is doing anything wrong. I'm so sorry."

Sharon stood speechless as I glanced around the room.

"Don't hesitate to kill me, because the other me won't hesitate to kill you. It's over." I let my eyes linger on Bucky before turning around and walking out onto the balcony. Rain drenched me and bit into my skin. The cold seeped through my clothes making me shiver.

"Wait, doll." It was Bucky.

I didn't turn around, speeding up my walk to the railing.

"Zoe!" Bucky yelled as the rain lashed at us.

I didn't answer, climbing onto the railing. It was slippery under my feet but I'd didn't wobble.

"Look, I won't kill you, okay. I spent so many nights wondering who the hell you were when I first remembered you and I just got you back." Bucky spoke to my back but I didn't need to see his face to know his emotions. "I will find you, the you I love, doll. I don't care what they say in there, what orders Fury give me - I won't kill you."

I froze on the railing and turned to look at Bucky as he swept his sodden hair off his forehead. "If any of her is left." The words were painful for me and no doubt painful for Bucky too. I leant forward and pressed my lips to his - wet and harsh. This could be the last time I saw him. I let my lips slowly come away from his before I stood up, looking down at the Sergeant. "Goodbye, James." I gave him a small smile - remembering his eyes, his lips, his jawline, the beautiful intricate details of him before I fell backwards off of the railing.

"No!" Bucky yelled into the night as the wind rushed past me. He stared down at me as I fell. It was a peaceful decent - slow - and it gave me time to think...

I twisted in the air, landing in a crouch, a small crater in the ground. I couldn't leave them like that. I couldn't leave Bucky like that. I pushed my damp hair back out of my face. I didn't have long. But I had enough time. I looked up at the tower. I could climb it. I walked to the side. Here goes nothing...

I gripped the power cables attached to the building as I watched through the window, in the darkness. An air vent blew warm air onto my face from my right - a source of sound for the room in front of me. Sharon stood watching Bucky, her bottom lip trembling. Most of the other Avengers hand left the room yet a few remained. S.H.I.E.L.D was probably on high alert.

"I want to know where she is," Fury demanded, pacing in the middle of the room.

Bucky walked in from the balcony, blue eyes trailing the floor. Rain fell in beads from his hair onto his shirt and the floor. Why had he only just come in?

"Any idea where she is, Barnes?" Fury asked.

"The phone call indicated that HYDRA was going to pick her up." Friday commented.

"But where?" Fury slammed his hands on the table. He reached into his pocket. "God dammit, where's my other phone?"

Sharon smiled. "Zoe must have it, she's helping us find her. That's why she hugged you, I thought it was odd that she went to you..."

"You sure she's not helping them find us?" Coulson stepped out of the lift. They'd obviously called him - the Calvary.

"I'm sure." Sharon tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "She made a promise to me that she'd always protect me, she never breaks her promises."

"That's all well and good Miss Carter but what happens if she's not her when she sees you again?" Wow, Fury just drive the dagger in why don't you?

My gaze flickered to Bucky, he was at a computer. He was tracking me. His blue eyes met my green ones. "I've found her."

I shook my head. Please say he understood. Bucky gave me a small smile before looking back to the computer screen.

"She's nearby," Bucky announced. "She'll be leaving soon though. HYDRA won't leave her in the open much longer as they won't want us bringing her in."

Sharon's face lit up. "Maybes we can get to her before-"

"We need to figure out where they're going first, find HYDRA's base." Fury was using me to help him find the last few pieces of HYDRA. Bastard. Then again... A smart bastard.

"And let her suffer for the sake of you finding out where HYDRA is?" Bucky stood up, his arm muscles flexing.

"And let millions of innocent people die when we don't know where they are and could have stopped them?" Fury snapped.

"You really can't see it can you." Bucky shook his head before walking up to Fury. "She will be the one murdering the innocent."

"Then we'll address that problem when it happens."

My head began to buzz. Time to leave. I let go of the glass, sliding down the tower. I had to keep running, I couldn't stop. I had to get far away from the Avenger tower, away from them. My head had started to spin. My footsteps crashed through puddles as I pushed my way through the crowds of people on the streets. I skidded to a stop as my phone rang. An unknown number.

I pressed the phone to my ear, stepping back into an alley where no one could see me. "Hello?"

"Stay there, we'll collect you," was all I heard before my head was filled with pain. I bit down on my tongue to hold back a scream before my knees hit the floor. It was all going to be gone when I woke up, I would remember nothing...

I was bound to a table, I knew that much. Pain was coursing through my veins, (and if you want to be scientific arteries, capillaries, etc...) Where was I? No clue. What were they going to do to me? No clue. What were they going to make me do? No idea. Who the hell was I? I really didn't know... That really wasn't important at the moment.

"Ahhhhhhh, soldier you're awake."

I opened my eyes to see... I didn't know who he was. I made no comment, watching him.

"Longing." He paced around the room reciting words which made my head tingle.

"Pain."

"Ninety-six."

"Daybreak."

"Ice."

"Nine."

"Cold."

"Homecoming."

"One."

"War."

I blinked, anything I had been thinking of instantly gone.

"I have your first orders, soldier." He looked around the room - a small tiled place which had dirt covered walls. We were surrounded by scientists. "Stop the pain."

I instantly felt relief. "Ah."

"Now if you follow through with this mission I'll keep the pain away. Is that understood, soldier?" The man's face broke into two, I think he was smiling. "I'll help you. We'll help you. But only if you help us. Are you ready to comply, soldier?"

"Yes, sir."

"Go and get changed first." The man stepped back from me.

A young woman came up to me, handing me a set of black clothes. "Follow me."

We came to a room. I got changed. I was in a pair of leather trousers, a long sleeved black shirt. It was better than the jeans. Why the hell had I been wearing a jeans in the first place? I was then given a leather jacket. My ballet pumps having been replaced by a worn out pair of black doc martens. Had I done this before?

"Good. Now put these on." The man was handing me a mask and sunglasses. When did he appear?

I took them without a word and slipped the sunglasses on with ease. He also handed me a earpiece which I put in.

"Your mission is to kill Nick Fury." He began to walk away. He turned around again. "And soldier?"

"Yes sir?" I asked, reaching for a gun.

"Make sure he's dead. The guy has a funny habit of not dying."

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